It's time to make the Fencers

OMG

2008-05-05T12:23:00.003-05:00

This past weekend at Great Lakes Sectional Championships, Walt Dragonetti won the Men's epee. This, in itself is not that astonishing. Especially considering, he is considered the best Veteran 50 epeeist in the world, top in the US and to my recollection, undeafeded in the section for a long while. However, he did lose a bout this weekend.

Ok, for him, losing a bout in the pools was no skin off his nose. Like I already said, he still won the whole shabang. But he did lose a 1-0 match in the pools. Not that I saw the bout, but for those not of the sport, it was probably as boring as a soccer match that did not have a score until the final moments where nothing of grave importance happened prior to those final moments. But like for that soccer enthusiast, much happened that didn't score until the end. It was a true 'epee' bout.

With very few seconds left of the bout, Dragonetti attack William Woods, and was hit. Final score 1-0, with time having run out. For Woods, this is an incredible feather in his hat the hopefully will happen again, and again. (Knowing Dragonetti, he'll do everything in his power to make sure it doesn't. In short, I bet Dragonetti has Woods in his cross hairs not with 'small arms' but big ones, now even more then he did.)

However, Woods, would lose to 2 significantly lesser opponents in his pool, one due to red cards and the other due to who knows what. Woods would go on to finish 3 beating out Schoolcraft who had beaten him in the pools the day before in 19ME.

Nice Job Mr. Woods.

Settling Dust

2007-11-05T08:25:00.000-05:00

Our event when ran very well the other weekend. Ok, there were some mishaps that no amount of planning could have avoided, however, as far as the fencer, parents, spectators, etc were concerned, our event went flawlessly.

On Sat. we might have finished early except for the Y10 Foil. It's Y10 Foil! And, most of the kids newbee fencers, so, they took forever to get to strip, hook up, etc. And, the parents who were helping, really didn't know what was happening, because they were newbee parents too. We might have finished early if not for the slowness of the y10 foil. However, I had scheduled things to be done fencing by about 5pm and out the door to dinner by 5:30. And, I (we) were.

On Sun. my plan had been to my car, with clean-up completed by 1pm.

On my way to the venue, after dropping off my daughter, my phone rings. The wife of one of the refs calls to tell me her husband will not be able to come in. He's running a fever over 100 degrees. And, another ref, called her and said he won't be in because he's been puking his brains out all night....

I managed to scramble and get one of my HSers to referee the epee. I did the second pool of the foil, and the small saber pool. In the end, I was at my car at 1:10. By fencing standards, if you are within 15mins of your time, you are ahead of schedule.

There were some other minor things that happened. But all in all, the event went really, really well. We had food and offered to feed the coaches. They truly appreciated that gesture. I for one, am known to forget to eat at tournaments. So, having food placed in front of you helps be a coach.

I still have some paperwork at the club to finish up. We had Jr. Olympic qualifiers. I now have 11 fencers who have qualified for that. I believe that is the most of any club in town. And, I have fencers in all three weapons. What I don't have is any cadet men. All of my guys are either too old or too young for U17 or cadet. If everyone goes, it will be a hell of a JOs.

Hopefully, with those two events out of the way, I'll be able to have a bit of a weekend finally.

Nurse This!

2007-10-25T09:10:00.000-05:00

I couple of weeks ago, someone ‘reamed me a new orifice’ for having nursed my daughter at a tournament. Let me mention, that it was hotter in the gym then outside. And, outside, it was 80 degrees. I nearly collapsed when I got off strip.

She said that I shouldn’t be nursing my daughter; I told her it is my legal right. She said that my daughter, then just over a year and a half, was too old to be still nursing. I told her that La Leche League, an organization for the promotion and education of breast-feeding babies, says that two years is a good time to wean a child. Then again, my best friend from HS’s daughter is still nursing and the child is over 3.

I’ve been butting heads with another women. This person who complained about nursing my daughter at the so mentioned tournament, told me the women I’m in conflict with is very uncomfortable with my nursing. I got to tell you that just blew my mind.

When my daughter was only a few months, I had asked why she hadn’t nursed her children. The response I got was that the mom wanted to know exactly how much her children had eaten, and she couldn’t monitor what they ate if they nursed. This is not a point of view I agree with, however, I can see merit in it, esp from her standpoint.

I have had women, who’s children are long past elementary school, tell me they feel guilty for not having nursed their children, and thus not being good moms. My response, if you aren’t comfortable or circumstance doesn’t condone breast-feeding, you haven’t been a bad mom.

As I thought of the history I’ve had with the women who I’ve been butting heads with, I realized, for years, we would get on each other’s nerves, go away, and things would go back to neutral. However, in the past while, nothing has gone back to neutral, at all. I would walk in the door and she would start growling before I even said hello. And, it occur to me, the lack of letting go started after my daughter was born and I would nurse her where ever was necessary.

I wonder, if this is something that makes this women think she’s was a ‘bad’ mom? I have only known her with teen and pre-teen children. I will say, that I don’t always agree with her philosophy, however, I usually understand it. I have objected with the way in which she’s dealt with her kids when she’s lost her temper, however, I’ve also seen that her kids are ‘used’ to it.

I will say, that I’ve found her ability to help and support her kids have been a model, which I’ve watched and studied from the distance. She has been stricter on some topics with her kids then I would. However, because of her philosophy on being strict in certain topics, may very well influence me to be stricter then I might otherwise be when my daughter is a teen.

Do I agree with her totally? Of course not. Do I see merit in her choices? Absolutely. Is she a role model for me when my daughter is the same age as hers? Within bounds. She and I are very different people. Our perimeters are different with our children. In some ways she can be amazingly patient in situations that I would not have been. And, at times, incredibly impatient when I think I might have been more. This is not a judgment of her, but a assessment. She and I are quite different.

Overall, do I think her a good mom. Yes. Do I plan to be the same kind of good mom as she, no. It’s not who I am. Nor are my choices for my daughter a reflection on her parenting skills.

Another comment I was given is that some of the guys are uncomfortable with my nursing. And, I should be more considerate of the public’s comfort.

Well, once upon a time, I was told that women didn’t fence saber. And, I was told that some wouldn’t fence me saber because I was female. Look what’s happened with that because many others and I didn’t back down.

Just think, nursing my daughter as necessary, being what in my eyes is a good mother to my child, may make some males uncomfortable, however, it may also get them to be more supportive of their wives when the time comes.

Breast-feeding a child is the healthiest food a baby can have. It also creates a bond between mother and child that bottle-feeding cannot do. This does not mean that bottles are bad. It just means, that if a woman can and wants to breast-feed her baby, she should be given as much community support, rather then the opposite. And, too many women are being told the opposite because people are too puritanical. Hey guys, women were not given boobs for your enjoyment. Women were given boobs for nourishing their babies!

Is there a dr in the house?

2007-08-29T15:17:00.000-05:00

My parent's finally told me the news. Dad has been diagnosed with liver cancer. My parent's are optimistic. My sister seems to be optimistic. My brother, who knows what he's thinking. However, based on info online about Liver cancer, it's the 5th most common. And, it typically kills within a year.

Yes. This is a death sentence for my father.

He had gone in for open heart surgery a few years ago. They had discovered that his liver had cirrosus. Not an uncommon thing for diabetics. Ok, so he's not the healthiest of people, but he certainly doesn't drink more then maybe an entire can of beer or it's equivalent a year. I had been a bit of a basket case when he went in for surgery. You never know if someone will not come out. However, he has been looking healthier since then.

I'm not a basket case, yet, over this. He went in for chemo this afternoon. It's on campus for the college that I coach at. They have been doing cutting edge research on cancer. My father, so I'm told, will be getting some new treatment they hope will destroy the 5 cm tumor.

Meanwhile, Yodette just had her leg put in a walking cast. She was not putting any weight on her left leg. The dr believes she may have a hairline fracture that will not show on an x-ray for awhile.

Let's refocus, lessons starting at 6.

Nationals

2007-06-25T16:14:00.000-05:00

We have been trying to get Yodette ready for Nat'ls. Ok, she has another 5 yrs before she can compete, technicalities.

She knows to answer:
What does a dog say? Woof
What does a cat say? Meow
What does a duck say? Quack
What does a fencer say? OOOpah

RYC

2007-05-11T11:39:00.000-05:00

We are off to a Regional Youth Cup this weekend. I have a total of 10 going. 4 dropped out due scheduling conflicts. Another 2 are not ready. They will enter 15 events. I'm hoping to have at least one person in the final 4 of all events entered, if not 4. We'll see. Fingers crossed for my little warriors.

With power comes responsibility

2007-05-11T11:23:00.000-05:00

In the first Spiderman movie, Peter Parker’s uncle tells his nephew, “With power comes responsibility.” As a coach, your students empower you and you have a great responsibility to them.

I teach students ages 5 through over 60. The greatest realization I made relatively early on in my career was how influenced the younger students were by my actions. It is for this reason, I made the vow that if everyone with me couldn’t do something such as drinking, I could not. It was only fair. For one thing, as a coach, I’m a role model. And, my philosophy of coaching is yes, I’m more knowledgeable then my students about the subject but that doesn’t make me better, only better at that which I coach.

I have dealt with the European coaches who do a ‘better then thou’ approach. Yet, when they are out of the fencing venue or in the bar, they become human. I’ve also dealt with those who keep others away so they never find out where the chinks in their armor might be. Deal, you’re human. With the more impressionable kids, they turn around and want to be like that ‘knight in shining armor’ when they grow. When they find themselves there, they are greatly disappointed. Why, they find that the path they thought would get them there goes no where constructive.

When being a developmental coach, one must be compassionate to the youthful condition. By this I mean that few student finishing a beginner class are ready to train as if they will be going off to school next week to fence on a varsity program such as OSU, PSU or even UND, the heavy fencing schools. It is a coach’s job to pursuit them they want to move towards that level of commitment. And, when a 5th grader calls to say they will miss practice because his teacher assigned too much homework today due tomorrow, that coach should not berate the student who is not at fault. These are two good reason why students will lose their interest in the sport.

I’m far from perfect. However, I try my best to achieve excellence with what time, energy and resources I have available. Again, I, like many fall short, and no we are not talking about my height for a change. What I have problems with is when someone who believes in integrity proceeds to act without integrity to force the hand rather then simply discussing the situation especially since those lines of communication had once been established. It’s a coward’s way out to ‘trick’ someone into a fight so that you can blame them for your departure rather then confronting them with the truth.

… why the tirade you ask? I had two of my student go to another club the other night. They were treated with appropriate courtesy and such. However, one of them mentioned how he really didn’t like the environment. In discussion with him these pieces of angst came back to haunt me. What it comes down to is a sense of loyalty. I might be simply plain vanilla, but both of them know I will be there for them in whatever humanly possible manner I can be. Then again, I already have been.

Home opener

2007-05-06T22:30:00.000-05:00

Today, a nice sunny spring day, I decided to continue my attack on one of our gardens that has not been cared for in 2 summers. Well, last summer Yodette was of an age that kept me away from things like gardening, and the summer before I was quite pregnant. Besides, the dandalions seem to REALLY, REALLY like our neighbors and our yard.

So I started to again attack the garden when Yodette woke from her nap. I took her outside in hopes of watching her 'play' and hopefully not eat the yard. She had a better idea. She wanted to check out the neighbors. In this case, a group of 5 and 6 year old girls. With a bit of permission from parents, these girls moved their social activity into our yard. I get to garden. Girls get to play. Yodette has babysitters. And, the other parents have supervised little girls.

In due time, like all little children, Yodette wanted her mommy back. And, the reasurrance that goes with having her mommy back. So, she tugged at my shirt and took herself a 'scooby snack'. The little girls were put a bit back. I asked them why women had boobs? Of course they had no answer. I told them it was to feed babies. How do dogs or cows feed their little ones I asked them. Slowly but surely it registered. They asked how it felt. I took each one of their arms and gentle applied pressure to describe how it felt to me. One of them commented that the babies she knew drank from a bottle.

It will be interested if these young ladies go on to nurse their children. I can but hope I have positively influenced them to at least reconsider the option when their moms may not have. Le Leche League would be proud of me today.

And, it looks like Yodette and I will be seeing alot more of these girls come summer.

Senseless damage

2007-04-19T12:32:00.000-05:00

After a fun weekend at a local event on Sunday, I got to work about 4:30pm on Monday. Parking my car at the meter in front changed my mood dramatically. One of the front windows was boarded up.

I would grab Yodette and go in. The window was damaged with a fairly large hole. A large rock sat on the table in front of the window. However, the entire place had been cleaned. I did a quick assessment that nothing that I could immediatly identify had been stolen. Plus, I had the computer at home for tax purposes. If anything had been stolen, it was a trophy or two that I had won.

My first action was to talk to my landlord, because it looked like he had boarded up the broken window, and kindly cleaned up so I wouldn't have to. I would find out later that he didn't want me coming in with Yodette and VERY sharp pieces of glass to clean up. Thank you!

My landlord was not there. I called my insurance agent then the police.

When the cop showed up, he asked if I had any suspects. I pointed to my upstairs neighbors. They had been picking fights with me because we had 'lied' about the noise the club made. We had lived in the apartment upstairs until my husband and I bought a house. The had move across the hall when we left. We had had good relations with them until fairly recently. The problem I see was instead of asking me to help them out, they simply started threatening to slash tires, in front of parents of students including an off duty cop.

Yes, I was angry. Quite angry.

The cop went upstairs to talk to the neighbors who said they had both called the police as well as the landlord on the damage. That was tough. To face the wife when I both wanted to like her and scratch her eyeballs out. I simply kept my temper and said, 'then you know how I feel right now.' The wife was very sympathetic to me which didn't helpl.

I would find out that the landlord had read upstairs the riot act. Should he find out they had done the damage their arse was grass! In the end, neither of us think they did it but to the landlord, they apologized for being so stupid in regards to me... I would like to hear those apologizes too.

So, I was left stressing over the boarded up window. I will need to pay for the replacement. It's the agreement. Yes, money out of my pocket I can't afford.

Yesterday, I decided to do something theraputic. I took duct tape and made a fencer in a salute on the board. I figure, might as well decorate the damage. It looks less like an eyesore. Besides, it will make people notice us, and realize, it's no big deal.

If nothing else, it was my way of saying FU to the rock thrower!

Be careful what you ask

2007-04-04T13:18:00.000-05:00

This weekend we had a booth demonstrating fencing at an event downtown. There were people from all over the country as well as Canada in attendance. So, I would ask people if they were local. Because, if they were, they should take a flyer about our school.

One of the groups that came through was a father and 3 kids. I asked, "Are you local?"

I was born in a southern suburb, but grew up in the suburb next to the one which you had grown up in. He told me.

What year did you graduate from that High School? I asked him.

I didn't go to that High School. I graduated from the private all boys school in the area in '81. He told me.

I smiled and said that I had gone to his senior prom.

He paused. Looked me in the eye and asked me my name....

Yes, this was the fellow who I had attended that senior prom with.

What the future holds.

2007-03-30T12:09:00.000-05:00

I had hoped to hit the SYC in NJ this April. I had 5-6 students ready. However, life and airline tickets cost have worked against us. However, we'll be at a RYC in May. It looks like we could have 10-14 fencers going, which would be about 20+ entries. Depending on results at the RYC, I recommend that students head to Nat'ls in Miami. I already have one of my Y10 Epeeist registering.

I'm feeling good about my little guys. They are shaping up. However, as they say, the proof is in the pudding. Next year, one of the youth squad graduates into Cadet and Jr eligibility, ie age 13. I have to wait yet another season to start building my juniors because they kids aren't old enough. My core youth squad is 10 and 11 yrs... but I can dream right now, can't I.

Oooops, Yodette just woke. Later!

Sick Child and other news

2007-02-28T10:55:00.000-05:00

Yodette is sick. Scary to think it takes having a toddler get sick to have the time to write. She's had a fever for almost 48 hrs. The blood work came back stating she had a viral infection. Dr. says to bring her in if the fever doesn't break in another day or if it goes over 103.5 . Now I get to wait.

I did not get to the club last night. I took Yodette to the dr. I had problems finding coverage. Luckily for me, Sasquatch has a key and had planed to get to the club early to do his own workout. I called a parent and a college fencer who would already be at the club and designated them the 'adults' in charge. Sasquatch, the coach in charge.

I may not get to the club again tonight. I'm hoping Steph has a clearer schedule tonight to cover my beginner classes. Knowing my luck, she'll be busy.

I am getting a real empathy for working women who have sick children and miss work. At least in my case the boss won't fire me. I am the boss.

On other news, Jr Olympics was exhausting for us. Sasquatch did well, but no points. He made top 20 percent of the field in cadet. In Jr. he lost by 1 point to the #1 cadet fencer. So, he learned some much needed experiencial lessons but no points. He still has time.

One of my former students, a y10 finalist, now a HS junior has transfered from his prep school to the public school that has a HS team. This is good since the HS program graduates have the team this year. Then again, so do most of the other local school programs. This puts us in a better position to win or at least place at states next year. I have faith that I am a much better developmental coach then either of the HS coaches. However, this kid, who's mom is a 'Bree Vandekamp' type, has just finished doing some really stupid teenage rebellion acts. Mom says they need to go to court for possession of a very small quantity of pot. I told the kid, if you're gonna get into mischief, just make sure it's not self destructive.

Sat. I'm supposed to travel w/ Yodette to a tournament w/ 3 youth fencers. I just hope she's feeling better. If she still has a fever, I'm not taking her.

I'm at a point, I feel like I'm digging my heals in trying to slow the world down. Then suddenly, like I'm jumping on an excalator, being forced to move way to face for my comfort.

Right now, I just hope my daughter's fever breaks.

A link and result

2007-02-05T13:08:00.000-05:00

This link was forwarded to me. It's absurd!

http://thelactivist.blogspot.com/2007/02/overzealous-big-pork-stomps-on.html

I'll post about states at a later time. We came in 3rd behind the evil emperor's HS by 1 touch, growl! Yes, we tied on Men's foil points. Tied on men's epee points. But my kid lost by 1 touch in saber and thus. . . finished 3rd. GROWL!

Sasquatch has Nat'l Points!

2007-01-15T13:07:00.000-05:00

My warrior princess is sleeping right now. So, I'll type quickly.

It's been a whirlwind of a weekend. I have had 2 of my jr fencers at a NAC (North American Cup). Both fencing at the national level for the first time.

On Friday, Sasquatch had a slow morning. It was a murphy's law type of morning. From getting to the venue nearly an hour later then planned to discovering at weapon check, his body cords were missing. In the end, the warm-up lesson was minimal.

His first bouts were a bit sluggish for his game. He was not fully awake, alert or in control. He did manage to make the 80% cut to the DEs. phew! We finally got a good lesson in before his DEs.

His first opponent, 9th seed. . . and he won!?!?! We scoped out his next opponent who was making all the right mistakes for Sasquatch to utilize. And Sasquatch won! That put him in top 32, earning him Junior points! In the repacharge of 32 he was beaten by 2 Canadians. Oh well. The second he should have had, but he ran out of gas too soon. This result qualifies Sasquatch for Jr. Epee at JOs, which he hadn't qualified locally for. He also did better then all those who did qualify for Jrs. locally. He is now an automatic for this upcoming Nationals as well as next year's JOs. So, he doesn't have to worry about not qualifying next year. He's IN!

Strangly, I've been on a incredible high with his result. He fenced the Open on Sunday and miss moving up by 3 touches. He had a 2-4 record, like in the Jr. but missed the 75% cut by too many 5-0 defeats.

Right now, one of my ladies is fencing in the jr women's epee. I am hoping for a victory or two. But she's really too new to the sport. Bottem line for both is preparation for Jr. Olympics next month in Denver.

Mile High, here we come!

From Obeechris' blog

2007-01-09T12:23:00.000-05:00

Who woulda thunk?

You scored as Master Yoda. Yoda: The Master.

Master Yoda

100%

Darth Maul

83%

Qui-Gon Jinn

83%

Obi-Wan Kenobi

79%

Mace Windu

79%

Count Dooku

75%

Anakin Skywalker

58%

Luke Skywalker

58%

Darth Sidious

42%

Darth Vader

42%

Random Jedi

25%

What Force User Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

HS tournament

2007-01-09T11:56:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned before, I had hoped the students from my HS program would stop in during break. 3 did. But far from as many who said they would. Tuesday, 2 more stopped in. But still none of the ladies. Grrr. School went back in session on Wednesday. I was able to get many of the gang their fencing pants before Thursday's practice so we didn't have to waste time doing that, but use it fencing. Thursday evening, the 3 ladies who could fence during the weekend showed up. I was starting to feel a bit better about their tournament on Sat. However, I had been told, a contingent from down south in the state wouldn't be coming since we were in conflict with a local event there.

Friday set up went lickidyspit. I gave them a 'rah-rah' speech w/ someone's father listening in. The father used to fence and 'strangely' we knew people in common. (He's talking about fencing with us at a later point.)

I had told the gang what needed to be done in the morning, when they arrived at 8 am. I arrived at 8:10 and it was done! I had to tweek it a minor bit, but they had done everything that needed to be done like pros! I was truly impressed by their initiative.

Shortly after set-up was over, fencers started to arrive. And, at the head of that line,... the gang from down south! I told them I didn't expect them to be showing up. One of the coaches said he had sent me an email last night. I explained that I hadn't checked my email since noon on Friday since, go figure I had more important things like. . . setting up a venue to do. We all had a good laugh.

The tournament went well. My HS team kids took 3rd in both M & W Foil, 6th & 8th in men's and one touch away from a second third in women's finishing 5th. The epee event was stacked from the start. 3-Bs, 3-Cs and 3-Ds & Es. Winner re-earned his B. Despite the strength of the event, the HS team members finished 12,13 and 16th earning enough points to win the team cup award! (Oh yeah, there were 2 in saber and my kid won...)

The gal who placed 3 in foil, I recounted to the team that she really couldn't fence her way out of a paper back prior to break. (She laughed at that statement.) Just goes to show.

So, it was a good event! I think these guys will be more serious now.

Epee Body cord

2006-12-24T10:17:00.000-05:00

Matt asks me where he can find a epee body cord since the team bin is empty. I had not unpacked from the HS team practice so I directed him towards an unpacked bag. With a smirk, he comes out of the equipment room.

"I think I found Sasquatch' body cord." Matt tells us. (Sasquatch is the niclname for one of the guys who fences epee and is 6'7.)

"Oh, really?" I say.

Matt proceeds to pull out and show us a floor cord.

Family

2006-12-20T09:33:00.000-05:00

It's winter break for most of the kids. Some don't get off until as late as the end of this week. However, we're in 'winter break' mode. This means, students are inconsistent because of holiday activities. Some, hopefully, will take advantage of no school and get to the club 3-4 nights a week.

I'm into the 'holiday circling pattern'. I do but don't like the holidays. I hate all this Christmas commercialism. Once upon a time, it wasn't so bad to hear all the Christmas songs. Now, it means: BUY MORE. If you don't spend you're a stingy bastard Scrooge! Um, no, I'm Jewish and broke! I don't think I would mind Christmas as much if it were a religious holiday. Ok, as long as those being religious didn't shove it down my throat implying I'm not a 'Good Christian'.

Meanwhile, my angst is about family. I feel like a whiny teenager complaining about the shortcomings of my 'pre-occupied' family. That is pre-occupied with their own priorities. The incident that started the ball rolling for me is this:

If you look around my parent's house, there are a zillion pictures of my nephew. There are a sprinkle of others. There are NONE of Yodette, despite having given them some...

(So my guilt trip Chanukkah present is a frame with 3 pics in it.)

From that point on to old arguments has only reminded me why I don't like holidays with my family. It also reminds me why I've always created my own family around myself. Because in the end, I value family.

Happy Holiday to anyone out there in readership land.

Ode to an Armorer

2006-11-30T14:22:00.000-05:00

It’s always a bit strange to see how one person has influenced you over the years. In 1983, I moved out to Denver for a year to teach and train. One of the people I met was Jerry Cohen, aka Uncle Jerry.

Jerry grew up not far from where I grew up. However, he moved to Denver for college, and never came back. He’s the same age as my mother 72.

Jerry was the armorer affiliated with the club I was at. He taught my the way around a foil. There was nothing I couldn’t fix on foil assuming the blade wasn’t broken in two or I had the orrect tools. He taught me to make all my weapons identical so that changing weapons mid-bout would not be noticed as much. He was an engineer of the sport, and at that time one of the best in the country if not the world.

When commuting home from Denver for Thanksgiving and other such holidays, Jerry had a special request, bringing him a loaf of raisin pumpernickel bread from a specific kosher bakery. Every time I returned to Denver, I had at least a 10 pd loaf with me. When the bakery was sold, I no longer took the care packages, but even to this day, when I pass the place I think of Jerry.

When I left Denver, almost a week to the day from when I had arrived, the only person I would actively keep in contact with was Jerry and his daughter, Leba who was like a little sister to me.

Over the years, there would be many events that would remind me of Jerry. As I so often did, I hung out with the National armorers, a bunch of wonderful lunatics, of which Jerry was one. I could help fix weapons while I hung out. When questioned about what I knew, I would say, I studied w/ the best, Jerry Cohen. No more questions were asked. I even fixed a weapon for a member of the US Olympic team that impressed him to no end.

In college, my weapons were in excellent shape. I was team armorer as well as women’s captain. I wired blades and trouble shot weapons for teammates at my club too, even making some spare money along the way.

As a coach, I take care of all our weapons unless I can pawn them off on someone else. And, in the back of my mind as I work on weapon after weapon, Jerry is there in spirit.

Jr. Olympic will be in Denver this Feb. I am looking forward to seeing Jerry again and having him meet Yodette. I last saw Jerry 3 years ago when Jr. Olympics were in Colorado Springs. He had a permanent trake in place. I drove down to Denver for the day to visit. I thought then, it might be the last time I would see him. I had hoped that would not be true.

I have recentlyvisited on the phone with Leba, his daughter. She, as always, was concerned with his health. I explained she always has been. He has had cronic back pain since I've known him. He’s always complaining, she added. I asked when he didn’t. She laughed. I added that it was when he stopped complaining about life was when we should start being concern. She told me she hoped I was correct.

I talked to Jerry this afternoon. He told me he still had ‘battles’ to fight and he promised to keep fighting at least until we had a chance to visit in Feb. My call truly made his day, he said as he hung up.

It’s friends like Uncle Jerry that make me feel wealthy.

Mental Respite

2006-11-14T17:25:00.000-05:00

This weekend, on Sunday, I had the option of competing, going to rehearsal for my orchestra or doing nothing.

I packed my fencing bag to both coach at the local college practice on Fri. then compete. As I pushed my last student out for the night on Thurs. I realized I hadn't packed my jacket, lame, or body cords, however I did have socks, plastron and spare weapons...

We went out to dinner Sat night w/ another couple. Yodette was basically good, except she didn't want to sit still. Both my husband and I walked her around a bit, but sitting still, after her bed time was not happening. It didn't help, I suspect that Aunt Steffi was there to visit. Since Aunt Steffi worked at the restaurant we ate at.

I still had not made a final decision as to what my Sunday plans were gonna be until ultimately Sunday morning. Sat. night, my husband and I stayed up late doing mindless things of the mentally refreshing sort. It was then that I realized, I should go to rehearsal just to have a vacation from Yodette. I was too mentally drained to enjoy competing. Besides, my husband would babysit so I could leave for a few hours. What I realized is that I am definitely in need of a mental break from my daughter. I love her dearly, but need some space.

Usually, when I get some freedom, I miss her so greatly, that getting her back after a few hour respite is such an incredible joy. Yes, it becomes one of those distance makes the heart grow fonder.

I've been on a 'crusade' to tell people that I believe one should wait until age 30 to have kids. Why? The older you are, the less your resent the thing you must give up because of the kid. However, I don't recommend that people necessarily wait until they are over 40 myself...

Next week is Thanksgiving. The club will be closed for the week. However the weekend is Jr. Olympic quals, so it's still a 'working' weekend for me. I look forward to having no schedule next week other then taking my time for whatever. My husband is also taking the entire week off. So, I'll be able to take my shower when ever. Yes, it's the little things like a daily show that are not the apex of my day.

I haven't had a real vacation since before I got pregnant. I need it and I need it bad.

Got Tiolet Paper?

2006-11-01T08:31:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, being Halloween, my first Halloween as a mom, was interesting. I closed the club since, my Tuesday class schedule is as follows:

Advance PFM (Pre-Fencing Movement) for ages 5-7
lesson w/ Youth fencer
Beginner PFM
Advanced Youth Class
short break to clear everyone out
Beginner Teen/Adult (and many of the adults either were giving out candy or accompanying kids.)

So I got some running around done.

I've been meaning to get more 'formal' pics of Yodette for awhile. I had some taken by a chain which sucked.

I gave her a bath. Thought I had chosen an outfit, then kept changing my mind. In the end, I did what I thought I would never do, dressed her in a Tigger outfit. The pics are truly way cool. Yodette is hugging a pooh doll in one. She's having 'tea' w/ poohm eeyore and piglet in another...

Come the evening after what little of the neighborhood came by, I took her to see some of the immediate neighbors to be sociable. We nearly got run over by a herd of deer! There were 5 that I saw.... It was kinda weird to think of deer as a pedestrian hazard between our house and our neighbor's.

I then took Yodette to my father in laws. I knocked on the door w/ Yodette holding a roll of toilet paper. Grandpa appreciated it. I wanted to make sure he knew that Yodette was her father's daughter.

I also realized something important about how too gregarious Yodette is becoming. She warms to stranger rather quickly for her age. I hope she does take at least a bit of the fencing. It saved my arse when I was under attack. She will need some similar skills as she grows up. If she continues to be as fearless, open-armed as she is currently, (I know, you can't tell who a child will be at 10 months, but...) she will need some good defense skills in her hands.

Happy Halloween to All!

Youth event

2006-10-31T10:43:00.000-05:00

We hosted our Youth event this weekend. Despite my fears of: not having enough refs, fencers to break even, unknown thing that could & would go wrong, the event went Really well. I would give us a 92-98% grade for the weekend. One mild negative that workrked for the best was delaying the Y10 event about 15 min to start. An out of towner who had gotten lost arrived before we started so it worked out better in the end.

We finished on Sat at 5:30 when I had guestimated 5-6pm. We finished Sunday at 12:45 when I had expected 1-3pm. We only had 2 full refs on Sunday, and I was the most qualified for the saber which had only my students. So no coach complained about those results.

A quote from me taken out of context:

Yes, my baby likes playing w/ weapons...

I was asked about other youth events locally, since we were only a 2 hr drive. I mentioned that another club was sponsoring an event that I would not send my kid too, but they could go on their own. I was asked why, I said I didn't trust that the event would be run fairly. I was pulled away before I could eleborate. However, someone else, not a member of our division did. The same parent came back to me discusted by what she had been told.

We had at least 12 clubs represented, 4 states and at least 6 divisions. We had a great diversity of fencers.

My kids did as well as expected. 10 epee-1,2,3 outta 5. 10 foil 2nd, 12 epee double 3rds, 14 epee 3rd, sweep in 12 saber bacause it was only us, 14 saber 2 & 3.

I walked into the venue on Sunday to see that Charlene, Michelle and I were all wearing the same tournament t-shirt. We decided that Steph needed one too. The midget women brigade! Besides, We have the BEST RYC t-shirts in the country!

Yodette was cute, happy and wee behaved over the weekend. And I would guess she only spent half the weekend physically attached to me. She played w/ alot of people &.. weapons. I am truly blessed w/ such an easy going child!

So it was a good and not too long fencing weekend. And one of my top kids who took a sabbatical will be back this week finally! So life is good in my world of fencing.

Learning CPR

2006-10-18T13:26:00.000-05:00

I had to renew my CPR & First Aid certification. One of the HSs I work with offered a refresher course (only 1.5 hrs as compared to the 6) for those who were coaching programs. I took advantage of the shortness of time and the ability to take Yodette with me.

For the most part, she was well behaved sitting, playing at my feet w/ her toys, singing softly to herself without being too much of a disruption. (Ok, one of the male instructors was coo-ing at her and she did her cute routine... ok, cuter then normal routine for him. I warned him that she already had too many boyfriends to count and that she was a 'playa'. ;-)

The Annie dummies came out. The instructor gave us our face masks to do our resusitation breathing. Yodette of course had to play with mine. What is mommy's is mine. I looked up to listen to the instructor's review, and before I could grab her she traveled the 3 ft to 'kiss' the face on the manikin. I apologies for the fact that my child had slobbered on the face. The instructor quickly informed me that it was mine to use now.

I bent down to do my 1 and 2 and 3 etc chest compressions on the dummies chest. Yodette was right besides me. The instructor got down again, and Yodette was there giving him a hand. She was so proud of herself. She had both hands on the maniken's chest rocking, slightly moving the chest in her baby rhythm.

I explained that I was encouraging her medical career early. I so wish I had a camera. Her smile/grin was priceless, trying to help. I guess there is something to be said about a child learning in a monkey see, monkey do manner.

Road Rage

2006-10-10T09:14:00.000-05:00

In retrospect, what I did was probably incredibly stupid for the short lived and extremely limited satisfaction, esp. considering I had Yodette w/ me.

I was on my way to teach one of my schools when a car, a red souped up sports car, cut me off. Driver was some kid w/ a young passenger. I honged at them for cutting me off. The responce was the bird....

Ok, my little 'compact' SUV is not what you call a muscle car. Nor does it have serious pick up and go... But I sure did pick up and go.. and cut them off, while giving them the finger as I did so. Yup, I would show them...

As I did this, traffic conspired to slow everyone off, so going around me was not happening. And my exit was approaching,... as as theirs.

Luckily, as reality kinda kicked in for me, they did go around a bunch of traffic, got off at the same exit but went straight rather then turning right like me...

I have no idea why for a change I decided to do something w/ major testostorone like my husband might do. Difference is, his car can excellerate w/ turbo, mine can't. And, he doesn't have another in his car when he might do it.

OK, I admit it felt good to show them (yeah right,) that cutting me off was not nice, and giving them the finger back... as if it did any good, other then having them potentially stop, get out of the car and slug me...

Enough. I was shaking. And, I don't think that what I really did was the brightest. And, ultimately, I can't believe I did it... ok. I can.

Sunday on strip

2006-10-03T07:49:00.000-05:00

So I competed again this weekend. Despite my fencing, I finished 3rd. My timing was off. My footwork was off. My skills were off. My fencing, in a word sucked. The scary thing was the other foilist sucked more. Don't get me wrong, there were some solid skilled fencers. I just didn't have the oppurtunity to fence them. I just saw some pics of my fencing. YUK!

The only thing that 'felt' somewhat ok was my power lunge when needed. The problem was that most all the people I fenced had 'esoteric' skills. So to beat them, I was unable to fence relatively classically. And, on top of that, I was fairly insecure about what skills of mine weren't so totally covered in mental rust that they would work...

I won my pool. I had 2 bouts that were 5-4 victories. One was against a gal who kept slapping my lame w/ the side of her weapon in hopes she would hit with the point. It was the ref's first bout of the day, (he took over for someone else,) and he said to me later that he ref'ed it poorly. It didn't help that both of fenced it poorly...

My second 5-4 was agianst the fencer who would win the event. I didn't think I could win in the pools but did to my surprise. I made the same attack 5 times. The fifth one finally hit on target. However, in the DEs, he managed to make divits in both of my shoulder blades. Both are slowly turning purple. When I mentioned to one of my students that I had fenced him this weekend, I was asked how my head was. Yes, I had 4 extra welts on my head where he managed to have his blade whip over and get me. No, it was not pretty. I lost 12-15 against him. However his next opponent fair less.

It's Tuesday, and I'm still paying the price for this weekend. I probably should have hit the chiropracter before competing. It would have made moving alot easier. On Thursday I had been in pain from my back being out of alignment. But silly me....

If I'm gonna be doing this, I'm gonna need to do much more footwork and bouting. However, few of my foilists at the club make good opponents in foil. Hopefully, I'll be able to get some bouting in with the college crew.

Poop on the Pope

2006-09-19T08:41:00.000-05:00

I've never really paid much attention to the Pope. Why? I'm Jewish and I could really care less what he says unless it's gonna have some reprocution on us Jews or Liberals. The last Pope, I at least had some respect for and thus a mild interest in good will gestures he made. And, he saved at least one Jewish women directly, during the Holocaust.

This current Pope...

Here's my prediction:

Having stated how violent Muslim can be, they will not forgive him. These death threats, big surprise, will become real. Catholic crusader want-to-be will request revenge and thus, there will be world war III.

Here's what I think we should do about a solution.

It seems to me, that all too many religious conflicts have roots with the Catholics/Christians. So, the Muslims should stop fighting with the Jews. Realize, much of our conflict was initiated by the Christians in the middle east. Team together and fight the Christians instead.

This gets rid of everyone trying to convert anyone to anything else. Because with conversion comes the slow assimilation and destruction of other cultures.

Ok, the truth is, I really hope none of what I just wrote happens. But I would like all religions & cultures to share not try and convert others. I wish they could respect others opinions, even when they don't agree.

However, the problem is, people will be people and in the end there will always be conflict. Could we at least minimize it?

Competition

2006-09-17T12:33:00.000-05:00

So Friday night, I 'fight' w/ Yodette to go to bed at 11pm. She was ready to play and postpone sleep time. So, I put her into the cradle where she screamed bloody murder. When she stopped screaming at the top of her lungs and she sniffled her self calmer. Then, finally, miraculously, to sleep.

I was still nervous about set-up, lack of refs, lack of working reels, lack of....

As I lay there, trying to fall asleep w/my mind moving a thousand miles per second, I thought. Am I crazy to fence? I have a screaming child. I can't even do a sit-up. I'll have been on my feet all day before the 1:30 close for foil... Am I insane?

The responce: Screw it. Your fencing and you'll love it.

Fence is what I did.

In the morning, Kat 'stole' Yodette and wouldn't let me see her too much. Which was nice since I was definatly running around like a chicken w/ it's head cut off. Set-up went smoothly. The epee looked ok, until.... reels started to die. I realized on Sunday that a set of our reels are missing. I'm hoping to find them at the HS practice site...

Saber started a bit slowly. Foil was delayed due to lack of refs. Epee was delayed due to lack of timers... Finally, at 2:30, the foil started. Or, at least my pool started. And, guess who I have in my pool, Kat. (By this time Yodette's father had arrived, and was taking care of her.)

My first bout was someone who I didn't know from the college club I now work with. I goose egged him. My next encounter would be someone who has become my latest nemesis, Monarch out of KY. It was a FUN bout of cat and mouse and tempo changes. Within a 5 touch bout, the game changed at least 3 times on both of our parts. The final touch, the nightmare touch on my part was: I attacked. He counter over my head. I withdrawal for a split second and thus lose 5-4.

Despite my loss. Kat, who I had beaten, unfortunetly, 5-0, beat Monarch. He would also lose to the other college fencer I had beaten 5-0. The gal who on paper was the highest seed, I beat 5-3 and one of her touches was my parry riposte, not her attack that landed. No biggy other then the fact that she really wasn't a C strength fencer like her rating stated.

I would make the DE tableau seeded 2 behind another of the college guys. As a group we would be 1,2,3, and 5.

My first DE, I made more difficult then I needed to until I settled down and made simple touches. My second DE... Monarch again. I was a VERY dynamic bout. In the end he would beat me 15-12, with me dead.

I would finish 5th. Monarch would lose to one of my college guys.

And we would raise nearly $800 for American Diabetes. We didn't leave the venue until 8:30pm

I look forward to walking normal again in a few days....

To fence agian

2006-09-14T10:01:00.000-05:00

We are hosting an tournament this weekend. 100% of net profits will go to American Diabetes. Steph, who is 'in charge' of what non-profit we raise money for is herself a diabetic. My cousin, nearly died 3 weeks before her bat mitzvah from the disease. My father has age on-set diabetes. There will be fencer from at least 3 states who have pre-registered. Those coming the farthest are coming because one person's wife has diabetes. It's slowly growing into a rather fun and strong event. The epee is already a 'B' strength. The foil is nearly a 'C'.

I am planning on fencing this weekend for the first time since knowing I was pregnant, nearly 1.5 years. I'm watching the field grow. I admit, I'm probably being a bit compulsive at checking out the website. The truth is, there are probably a fair number of people who haven't and won't pre-register but will show up. I'm a bit nervous that we can get in and out in a timely manner from the venue.

Yesterday, Yodette took a good nap and I fixed one of our broken reels. There are still 2 more team reels that need to be fixed by Sat.

I have 3 working weapons of my own and another blade to be put into a handle.

Yodette will be at the venue with me. That is unless Dad wants to keep her for the morning, and cycle in with her in her trailer. Then he will take care of her while I compete. She is slowly understanding that if mom is on strip, it's ok. She's still there, and hasn't deserted the troops. However, if Yodette is getting tired, no matter what, she becomes clingy. This weekend will be a interesting 'experiment' with my daughter.

So far, there is definately 1 person in the field that I'm not sure I can beat. He's amazingly fast. The only thing in my favor against him, should we hit, is that he will have already fenced epee and saber before getting on the foil strip. I can but hope he's a bit tired from that. There is a jr fencer who's the nemisis of one of my kids. I believe I can beat him should I hit him. I look forward to trying, that's for sure. All of these thoughts are conjecture. I know of 4 fencers currently registered who will definatly give me problems. My goal; to fence my best and hopefully make top 4. At this point, winning would be nice, but I'm only giving myself a 50/50 chance at the most. My game is rusty. My reaction time inconsistant. My point control ok. My footwork, iffy. But it will be good to get back into things.

I guess I should keep thinking of Yodette holding my trophy... Yes, this I now do for her. Yes, I'm a role model (scary ain't it) for my students. But even more so, I want Yodette to know that being strong is important. I have a couple of young ladies in the youth squad who will be fencing. Some of them have strong moms, working moms, as their role models. Some of them struggle with being girly and being a lioness. This is for them too.

Over the years, I've made minor history in women's sports. Getting back into the swing of competition after having a kid and being 42 years old, is just another way to 'make a point' about women in sports can do. Ok, still minor...

Ooops. We interupt this missive to go find my daughter who has wondered out of the kitchen, out of the dining room, out of the living room, through the hall, into the master bathroom to play with the dirty laundry.

College Picnic

2006-09-06T10:54:00.000-05:00

This weekend we organized a picnic w/ the circle of ladies I enjoyed being with in college. It was a rainy icky day, so we all hung out on our back porch rather then in the park across the street.

Most of the gang were here. We missed Steph who's father died last week and was having the carpet cleaned after hosting her family at her home. The cleaners never made it.

However, Gladys, Eureka, Annette, Lillian, and to my pleasant surprise, Edna.

I haven't seen Edna since college. Edna was the BIG black chics behind the cash register at one of the eateries on campus. You didn't mess with EDNA. She would squash you like bug esp. if you were my size.

Edna and I had a short fiction writing class together on the first floor of our dorm. For both of us, it was the first class of the day, 10:00 am. The Prof was way cool! However, even Edna pushed things a bit too far even for Dr. Kirk. She came down in class, not just in slippers, which she did frequently. But also in her robe and in curlers. Dr. Kirk told her that curlers went too far for even him.

There had been a evening were my soon to be former roommate and her friend from another dorm were getting drunk, quite drunk at that, and saying things about me. Next thing I know, there is scribbling on my door. Eventually, I go to the bathroom. On my door, as well as many posters on walls, there are swastikers written. I was fuming. The first person I bumped into on the floor had been Edna. She was ready to tear the girls apart. She took it personnally too. I told her it was only directed at me because it was on my door and on the way to the bathroom only. The girl who had written the swastikas was invited not to step in my dorm as long as I lived in it. Had I pushed it, she could have been kicked out of school. However, had I done that, the social ramifications to me would have been worse.

On Saturday, Edna made a comment to me, " Yeah, I had your back that night. I had ya back." Strangely, her saying that to me was so cathartic.

Yes, it was nice to see Edna again. And, no longer with that angry chip on her back from our college days. Thanks Edna!

A weekend without fencing, yeah...

2006-08-29T07:12:00.000-05:00

So, my husband and I finally found time to dissapear. Because of ObeeKris, we went to see the Star Wars exhibit at COSI in Columbus. We also went to dinner w/ ObeeKris and Wife.

They met us at our room. We debated where to go for dinner. Finally, ObeeWife suggested a Thai restaurant not to far from our hotel. So everyone piled in cars and we went.

I knew the area. With fencing, I had been in the area. We sat down at our table, decided what to order and started to enjoy our meal.

There was a man, passing our table on the way to bathroom. "Tulleners?" I called. Sure enough, it was Tulleners the right. His responce, "What are you doing here?" as he looked the table over.

Sure enough, the BIG table next to us was a bunch of fencers at respite after a team event at the local club. 3 others came over to our table having finished their meals. So much for flying low from fencing radar.

One of the people who had come by had looked after Yodette at HS States. She told me that the person, big surprise, that had complained about my carrying Yodette while refereeing was none other then the Evil Emperor hoping I would no longer be able to ref because of Yodette. Sure enough, my life was made easier by her taking my sleepign child off my chest, literally off my chest.

Another one of those who stopped by was a gal who will be a freshman at the local college. She is a ref and Steph had mentioned we should invite her to our up coming event to ref.

It was a pleasant evening. Tulleners seems to finally be getting back on his feet after having left Q at the alter the night before. I think he still mourns that decision. He wants as vivatious a person as Q, but he's chained to his values in God. Oh well. I think both are wonderful people.... not that I would want to marry either,... ;-)

So much for avoiding fencing for the weekend.

Team Picnic

2006-08-21T08:14:00.000-05:00

Sunday was team picnic. After much eating and schmoozing, I gather the gang and I give the 'state of the union' address. I described this past year as a 'transitional' year. Many moms smiled at me as I said this. Yodette has made for an interested year at the club. The club had nearly a dozen students graduate from HS, so our bottem fell out of our Jrs. Right now our numbers are in the youths and Vets, strangely. I'm hoping to have over a dozen of us fence in the vets and nearly a dozen in the youth events next nat'ls.

The 'highlight' of this annual meeting (is food for me, but I'm not talking about me for a change) is the Sportsmanship Award. It's awarded to someone who conducts themselves in a way all of us would want to emulate. Usually I take nominations. This year, I didn't. There was no question in my mind who should get it.

'Sasquatch' is a 6'7, 16 yr old who wears size 16 shoes.... I told his parents to stop watering him at night... he gave up a Sat to help the Youths at a RYC 2 hrs away. He helps w/ janitorial work at the club. I jokingly refer to him as one of Yodette's boyfriends. One of the girls in the youth squad made him a sasquatch-sized card which people signed. And, I got him a team t-shirt that said, 2006 Sportsmanship Award on a 2XL.

Yodette had a blast. She was at a 'family reunion picnic'. There could not be another gathering that she knew more people. Despite the drippy nose both of us are suffering from, she didn't spend much time with me. At one point, I could no longer see her in Kat's arms so I went in search of her. Kat proceeded to tell me to go away since Yodette was having fun... fun on the swings, fun trying to crawl up the slide...

On another note, I got some mental breakthrough on my writing. Imagine:

It's the end of fencing camp. People are goofing off w/ foam weapons. When they are teleported to a midieval type of land to help resolve the fight two immortals are having which is causing death and destruction to the locals. The fencer's foam weapons have transformed into steel of the most exquisite sort. One problem, the fencers, other then the coach, range in age from 10-17.

I realized this was truly a book that prefaced the book that I've been writing. It has helped me figure out what and how the conflicts work. And, I let some of my students read the first 13 pages of the book I've been working on. They all liked it. Considering they were ages 11 - 15, and one adult who really liked it. I'm hopeful that these may be successful.

Time to play agian

2006-08-08T07:50:00.000-05:00

Last week and this week I got on strip and fenced the gang electric. Yodette would shorten my time on strip considering what I might have liked. However, I did fence and I fenced hard while on strip.

Last Monday, I fenced 2 epee bouts. One 5 touch and the other a 15. Understand this, at 5'1 & 1/2 inch, I don't consider myself an epeeist. Of the 20 touches I scored, 5 were toe touches. In the 5touch w/ Jacob, 3 were on his foot. He wasn't happy with me. After a 15 w/ Duane I would then give him a lesson to improve on all the things which I had hit him on.

Last Thursday, again I fenced epee w/ the squad. It felt good. I fenced the equivalant of over a pools worth of bouts until Yodette decided I was done.

Last night, FINALLY a foil night. I didn't have anyone really watching Yodette. She let me fence a few bouts then get down, rinse wash and repeat. It felt good. I mean, really good for a change. It's the first time in about 2 years that I've gotten on strip and fenced w/ a really competitive attitude on strip. My skills and timing were quite rusty from too many lessons. But it felt good for a change.

I haven't fenced w/ a 'hunger' for at 2-5 years. I've fenced but not with heart. I don't know, maybe too much on my emotional platter has left me w/o much to invents on strip.

I looked at the rankings in the Women's Vet 40s in all weapons. In the foil, there is someone on the top who's a former teammate from NYC, that I've never been able to beat. She's also not much taller then me and had set me up on a blind date when I was in college. Didn't work out. Nice guy but not for me. There is someone in the top 5 who I know I can beat.

In the epee, there is someone in the top 3 who I've both beaten and lost to. In the saber, I don't know anyone. So, right now, I have my eye on Nationals in Miami. I would like to medal in at least one weapon if not all 3. (Ok, I know that's kinda piggy. But it's a goal. Besides, It makes a statement. And, think of the PR it would bring for the club in the end.) I'm holding onto the image of Yodette bringing me water during my break and then walking back out to the team. Then, at the awards, having her in my arms and the medal going around her neck on my behalf. A statement! I may be a vet fencer with a kid, but I still got what it takes! And, to inspire Yodette to be the best that she can be in what ever she wants to do.

I'm back in the saddle and I like it!

Summer and the fencing is easy

2006-08-04T09:18:00.000-05:00

The little monster has started to crawl. Ok, it's more of a scooch, then a true crawl. I call it lunge crawling. Why? She has her front leg bent and her back leg extended.

The other day, Yodette got herself tangled in a bodywire, playing with some weapons. Unfortunely, my camara batteries were dead. She had fencing jackets, lames and masks around her. The caption of the pic would have been something like, as soon as I can walk, I plan to fence!

On other tidbits, I just finished the summer evening class semester. The adult class was a fun group. I had one black man who's name was Deangelo. I called him 'The Italian'. Heck, with a name like Deangelo, it's got to be Italian, right? Deangelo runs a transportation service. He drove up in a Lincoln Continental type car. So I started giving him grief... Ahh, I see what Mafia money can buy ya. Strangely, the rest of the class started refering to him as the Italian guy.

Gary, is a small blonde man who works in the sun all day and it shows. He met me in 2000 when I ran a national event in town. The crazy fellow is totally head over heals w/ what I have done. I think he's a nut. I tell him he's a nut everytime he walks in the door. He agrees he's a nut. Now, let me tell you what this nut wants to do. He wants to make a documentary of me, giving new meaning to working mom! Ok, I'll believe it when I see it.

A third student from that same class is trying to get her video company off the ground. She asked if she could do a promotional for us. I told her I had NO money to put towards it. She said she wanted to do it so she could show others their work... ok. She says she already has a preliminary outline for it. We can meet and work things out. By the way, I told her, Crazy Gary wants to do a documentary. OH Great she said.... uh oh....

Meanwhile, Yodette is taking to her playpen in the evenings. I got on strip yesterday. (Crazy Gary was there too. He saw me make one of those crazy over the shoulder blind shots that hit. I think I screwed up by doing that in front of him. It impressed him even more! OOops.)

It felt good. My point control was rusty. My recognition of situation to react was at times sluggish and definately caused me to be scored on at times. But it really felt GOOOOOOD! It hasn't felt GOOD for awhile to fence my heart out. I was beaten as my as I beat others. Ok, it was also epee. Mind you on Monday I fenced a 5 touch and a 15 touch w/ two students, again in epee. Of the 20 touches I scored, 5, yes 5 were foot! I'M NOT AN EPEEIST. I DON'T DO TOES!!! Needless to say, they weren't happy w/ me. And, I tried a few toes last night and made none so I gave up.

I had a dream of going to Nationals next summer w/ Yodette in tow. She'll be 19 months by then. My image was of her coming up to me during my 1 min break w/ a waterbottle. Giving me a hug, and I love you, and scurring away to the rest of the team. I'm going to hold that image. I would love to medal on the national level with her there to both inspire me and be a role model for her. She likes seeing the shinies around the club. I keep telling her, not that she understands yet, that she can win some too one day. I can hope that if she decides to fence, she will surpass anything I've ever achieved in the sport.

I love you Yodette! - Mom

A new meaning to Fencing Mom

2006-07-16T08:48:00.000-05:00

I realized after hemming and hawing over what to do w/ Yodette, I would just take her with me. (See prior post.) She's been a bit cranky but that's because she now has 2, count them 2 teeth! I need new teething toys!

I truly have to count my blessings for being in the work situation that I am in. I get the best of both worlds. I get plenty of quality time w/ Yodette. However, not so much that I go crazy of boredom over that fact that she's just sooo young and not that intellectually stimulating after a while. I get to break my day up by going to work and teaching fencing. Something that she has now gotten so accustomed to that she gets figity if she doesn't get to watch. Having her with me makes life easier to nurse her.

Meanwhile, Yodette gets to know that mom is there and she can be secure in our relation. Our daily routine includes her playing, alone, without me in sight in the mornings for 20-40 mins. I'm in earshot. I'm generally around the wall, checking on her as I get breakfast and check email or the likes. So, she learns independance as she learns security. She knows that all she has to do is hollar and I'm there.

I sometimes feel guilty now, when she's not near me. I've gone to a rehearsal of my orchestra and left her behind. 5 mins into my drive I felt like something was missing. I also felt off kilter the other night when Aunt Steph took Yodette for over an hour so I could teach uninterupted. It was nice to teach that way, but I felt like I was missing my apendage!

I'm looking forward, after this heat breaks, of getting back into the serious swing of things on strip. I am planning on fencing at Nat'l next year in Miami. I envision Yodette on the side of my strip w/ Dad and who ever from the team is around that day. I can see unsuiting between rounds to nurse. I can see myself shifting my mental game to block Yodette and everything out to focus on fencing, even her crying if necassary. I'm hoping that she'll watch and enjoy instead of fussing. She will be 1.5 yrs old by then.

Ahhh, but the best laid plans of Mice (mother) and men (child)....

Summer programs

2006-07-07T09:50:00.000-05:00

On Monday I start one of my summer programs for 2 weeks. First week I teach from 11am -3pm with a short 1/2 hr lunch break. That's a total of 5 hrs. I'm expected to drop Yodette off for that time. That means, leaving her with a sitter from about 10:30 to 3:30. That's 5 hrs. It's been killing me trying to figure out where, how, who to do this with. As Yodette and I get into morning rhythms, getting out and about before about noon, shifts up and/or interupts her nap times. I've taken her with me to everything I've taught up to this point. I can't afford not to teach this summer program. There's another program that I've declined teaching because I can't take her with me.

She's been cranky this week. She might be growing or such. But I hate leaving her with someone when she's cranky. Yesterday during a lesson, she nearly cried for the parent she's usually VERY good for.

On Sunday, my trio will be playing for a wedding. I'm incredibly scared and psyched to be doing this wedding. However, Yodette will be dropped off at her grandfather's at 9:30 and I probably won't pick her up again until about 1:30. That's only 4 hrs. But, if she's not a happy camper.... And, then not being with me for the afternoons the entire next week???

Ok, so I'm not really sure if my concern is for her or for me. I feel strange not having her around. It's a mixed blessing. We are both quite attached to each other. I think I'll talk to my gal at Le Leche League. They know about true attachment. It's good for both of us. I have gotten pressure from some around us that she's getting 'spoiled'. She's only 7 months old.

I really don't like the idea of Yodette in 'daycare' even if it's only 2 weeks. What's the point of having kids if you can't be with them and enjoy them? I know it's not easy needing to work to afford life and thus not being able to be a stay at home parent.

I think it's more me that wants her with me then her. ;-)

Ghosts in NJ

2006-06-15T22:49:00.000-05:00

This weekend is my parent's 50th anniversary. We will all decend on Princeton NJ, where my parents met. It will be the first time in over a decade that I will agian be in NJ.

I finished college in NYC. I moved back to civilization in '92 and haven't looked back. I stayed in NJ for a few years after graduation to train. But that didn't go as planned since little did I know, I was very ill with hypothyroidism.

Hypothyroidism is a fairly comment problem. And, yet not that well known unless you have it or you know someone. It nearly killed me. I figured I was just getting old. It was part of the aging process. It was, just way too early.

I have many memories of NJ/NY. It will be strange going back after all these years. I know the hw we will drive to get to our hotel. I know campus from NCAA Nat'l champs. And, yet, as much as it's part of me, it's not part of me. I don't miss NY/NJ. There seems to be some nostalgia about going. However, I'll have nothing to do with my past while there. My fencing past is the ghost that's haunting me about going.

Former teammates of interest have moved on. My coach, Bartha is dead. Former boyfriends are of no interests either. The airport is 5 mins from a former job that doesn't exist in NJ anymore. But I'm still distracted thinking about these things.

There is little for me other then the reunion. I still feel the 'ghosts' of my past 'tugging' at me. Maybe this trip, the first trip back to NJ will help me finish burying these ghosts.

Fencing and Flirting

2006-06-12T11:17:00.000-05:00

I've been 'bawled' out for taking too long to update. Ok, you try typing with a 6 month old who thinks what's yours is hers!!! Yodette is a cutie, and quite curious. It's a mixed blessing. However, sometimes I think she's too curious and smart for my good...

I started a new semester this past week. I had 5 people sign up for the adult class last minute. I'll be shifting my schedule around to take care of students in group classes better in fall. But, that's another story.

So, I start my class. I have no babysitter that night. So, I place Yodette on my lap as I start teaching. She decides she wants to play w/ the 3 weapons I have in front of us. Someone comments that she'll poke and eye out. I reply that it will be mine. Eventually she gets tired. So, into the front carrier she goes. I cover her and then pop out munch. She then falls asleep for a short while.

When the class was over, she started to get cranky. So, I turn my back to the class, cover and fill mouth. I had one women tell me she was impressed at the fact that I had shown none of my own... parts in the process. She knew what was going on. However, she commented that those who don't know or haven't nursed or dealt with it up close and personal, probably were in the dark. She said that I definately had the nursing down to an art.

At the Le Leche League meeting (For those of you who don't know about the LLL, they are an organization for the promotion of breast feeding babies.) we were asked how life after baby had changed our concept of nursing. I explained that the big thing for me was the fact that I was being a role model in promoting nursing. Whereas I know I'm legally allowed to nursing in public, I don't feel comfortable with the idea of one of my 8+ yr male old students going home to a parent and saying, "I saw coach's boob at practice." Great! So, it's important to me that the kids not see anyting while I nurse. The moms usually have this knowing grin on their faces as I pop Yodette into her carrier and a slurping sound is heard. The kids aren't sure what's going on but they know it's the correct thing to do with Yodette. Besides, Yodette is frequently part of footwork. The leader, usually myself or 'Sasquatch' drop her feet or arm or just simply her and the students lunge. Yodette loves it. She usually giggles/squeaks up a storm. Then again, my youth squad ages 7-12 are the best! Their focus is AWESOME! I hope to take 8-15 of them to Nationals next year.

I was at the bank the other day, when a man commented on how bright eyed she is. I warned him that she was already a flirt and had 4 boyfriends. From LLL, a boy who she constantly squeeks with who is nearly a year, a neighbor who is nearly 4 and is planning on taking her to prom, a 16 year old from the club who can't come into the place without saying hello otherwise she screams bloody murder, and an 18 yr old who is gay....

Today....

2006-05-08T12:27:00.000-05:00

Yes, today is my birthday. How old am I you ask? 528 this year. Someone asked me yesterday at rehearsal, how old was I, 11? I answered that I felt finally 12. ;-)

It would be nice if someone, anyone at the club today wished me a happy birthday. Since I started teaching here in town, over a decades worth, no one has said Happy Birthday to me without my telling them that day was my birthday. I tell people my birthday is coming up, then say nothing. Few remember. Even when my actual 40th came, one student who 'promised' to remember, still didn't.... I guess I'm not that memorable.

It's really no big deal. I don't like getting gifts for my birthday other then say a hug, or one rose kinda deal. But, it's nice to be acknowledged....My husband had asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday. I told him dinner w/ friends. at a favorite spot. We had a total of 7. It was quite pleasant. Just what I like. One person last minute had to work. I got an email today from someone asking about yesterday....

My husband got me some new workout pants. Work clothes, very nice and I need them. (Ok, they aren't purple... bummer.) Yodette's gift has been incredible smiles, squeeks and giggles. So, this makes me happy. However, all of this was yesterday, the day before my birthday.

It will be interested if anyone remembers. Ok, so for those who aren't at the club today, getting good wishes tomorrow wouldn't be so bad.... we'll see. For now, I'm chillin since Yodette is asleep and I'm in a happy private place. ;-)

Thanks for your good wishes!

Coach Yoda

Baby smells

2006-05-01T08:38:00.000-05:00

I'm giving a lesson to one of my youth students. Up front, his sister and mother are playing with Yodette. Yodette is happy, giggling and squeaking.

While giving this lesson, I manage to squeeze on a silent but deadly. We move back into the death cloud when my student says:

I can smell the baby from here.

oooopss.

She's sleeping right now.....

2006-04-17T09:03:00.000-05:00

She's sleeping. I can type. Hopefully she'll be out for awhile. She's started to sleep 6+ hrs at night. This only started this past week.

Yodette has finally realized that not all people in fencing masks are mom. She's good about going to others while I'm in class... as long as she can still see me. She will fall asleep in the front carrier while nursing during class. I cover her up and no one is the wiser unless they come close enough to hear her slurping. I was able to do saber drills with her on board. Ok, only head shots please.

Some one asked me what it's like w/ Yodette. To tell you the truth, I barely seem to remember life without her.

She's a cutie. I certainly don't want another. Yodette is enough w/ the club. My club is truly my 'first born'.

A HS friend of mine came over with her kids. I nearly threw them all out. The kids were misbehaving. And, my HS friend was not doing anything to effectively stop this poor behavior. When I told the older child if he didn't listen to his mother I would not invite them over again, Mom told me we don't gang up on her children..... that was the final straw. I walked away and waited for them to leave.

After locking the door behind them, I looked at Yodette and told her that if she ever behaved so badly she would be dead. Yodette looked into my eyes, smiled and giggled back at me. I told her thank you. I needed her smile right there and then. And, I believe she knew it.

A child changes everything

2006-03-22T09:57:00.000-05:00

It's been a while. I kinda miss having down time to write. Being a coach and mom at the same time is being an... adventure.

I know I must be breaking new ground having Yodette at the club. I could my blessings she's generally a cute and sweet child. Thus, many are willing to help. However, when I don't have help, or forget to bring a bottle to the club, I've had to improvise.

My best friend from HS gave me a front seater for Yodette. It's WONDERFUL. I have learned to discretely nurse while walking around with her in this seat. The only problem I find is my arms really need to be longer for certain tasks. She usually falls asleep once she's eaten her fill and then, sometimes, I can take her off, and put her in her bassinet. I was even doing drills, saber drills to my head, while wearing her. Ok, how many coach do you think have taught class while nursing? Ok, how 'bout nursing and doing saber drills?

This weekend we will go to HS state champs. My husband, Yodette and I will share a room for the night. I expect my husband will help w/ handling her. Besides, he doesn't get to spend much quality time with his daughter since she's with me at work during the week. That will be another adventure. I'm a bit nervous. But I also know that things will be fine. ( I just hope I have enough diapers. Otherwise, my husband will be making a run.)

Motherhood changes EVERYTHING. You hear this, you kinda see it. But to experience it is a whole other ball game. I'm truly glad that I waited as long as I did to have Yodette. I think it's 'easier' to balance everything with the greater life experience that I have now then say, 5-10 years ago. Even though I lose my patience with Yodette at times, I suspect that I have a longer fuse now then I would have. I don't regret the lack of 'Me' time I get now since I've kinda been there done that already. I can live without and not be as resentful as I can guess other might be.

Having gone through the life cycles now, I'm a strong believer that few should get married before the age of 25, and that people should wait until after 30 to have a child, esp. in our society. (Ok, if there is a genetic risk of waiting, that's another issue.)

Yes, a child changes everything.

Being Bullied!

2006-03-01T10:11:00.000-05:00

So there was a meeting to change the division's bylaws that are out of compliance w/ USFA. Last year was started working on these bylaws. Then, with the new regime, all the old faces, with the exception of myself, dropped out of the committee and the structure of the bylaws went an entirely different direction. It seemed EVERYTHING that I was trying to have done was being out voted by the Evil Emperor's people.

Last Sunday, a special meeting to radify the proposed bylaws was held at the school in which the Evil Emperor's club is. People sat down on one or another side. On one side, all the clubs that were affiliated w/ the evil one. I counted 14. On my side, representatives from all the other clubs with other coaches. My count 10. After discussion, which included those 3 of us who verbally explained that after working on this document, we did not want it radified, the vote was 14-10 against needing a 2/3 majority to pass. So, no radification.

Then discussion of what could be changed to make some of us No's vote Yes? In my eyes, there was not an easy fix. I believe that this was the same sentiment for most of the No people. After one or another motion was done, there was a motion to end the meeting. Strangely, the Yes people defeated that so the meeting would go on until we took another vote.

One comment from the chair of the bylaw's committee was that the proposed bylaws were sent out and posted on line so that people could read them and email suggested changes... this was not the interpretation of many. I, for one, alone with others believed that things were a done deal as a document.

Needless to say, there was a change that was accepted of these proposed bylaws. By this time, 7 of the 10 No people left in frustration at what was going on as well as the late hour. I had already called my husband to tell him there was much BS abrew and would be longer. He had Yodette in his private care.

There was another vote, the 3 No people left were strongly out numbered by the 14 Yes people. However, there was one Yes, who changed her vote. She would tell me later that she voted her concious, not her opinion. She felt we had been bullied into accepting this document.

Yes, we had been bullied. The change that was made did make the document more palatable to me. However, there are still some tweaks that I would like to see made more amicable to the entire division. They claim that these things are fair and even. The change that was made achieved this over the structure that was first givin.

We were bullied.

The discussion I had with some of the evil one's people was that all this new blood on the board were innocents to the way in which things have been run and the sense and sensibilities of other clubs due to the limited information they were being given from their coach and other nearby sources. Our toes were being stepped on and they didn't see it. Besides, last year, the board worked with much harmony when the evil one wasn't there. When he lost the vote, but became chair on a default, many from other clubs, about 8 people at that, resigned from their position because they didn't want to work with the current administration.

So, yeah, it's our own fault for not standing up to the threat. I have been fighting as much as I could. But, I'm still an army of 1. I told Derek he needed to jump in. He said that his not being there showed how bias things were. I told him no, it just helped them walk all over us. And, that I would be laying low because of being pregnant and having a little one in tow. Derek has stepped up to the plate, luckily.

Steph, Char, Roach, Joe, Bill, don't want to deal with this BS. I can't blame them. But those of the few of us still left standing can't hold back the tides.

We are being bullied and I knew it would come to this.

Nicknames

2006-02-22T10:49:00.000-05:00

One of my students said that he had talked to someone who attended the Evil One's club. My student was informed that my nickname over there was: She who must not be named. I had to laugh. I approved, considering the angst between the two clubs.

I told this to my HS club. One of the girls suddenly exclaimed, "VoldeBaby" while looking at Yodette. And, that makes me, VoldeMom.

Oh Harrrrrryyyyyyyyy,.....

STDs

2006-02-09T11:47:00.000-05:00

Would you have a child, if you knew you had gonhoria, syphilis or clamdia? Those are curable. How about if you also had Hepatitis B, HIV, and Herpes which are not curable, knowing that you pass these on to your child(ren)? Would you have more then one child knowing that you were passing on their death as well as their life?

This is what one of my students told me. This student and 3 siblings entered this world with a death sentence before being found guilty. Parents, hippy parents, were very into the 60s thing, I was told. And these children didn't have one of the above mentioned issues. They were born with ALL of them.

I guess if you coach kids long enough, you hear all the sorts of tales about human suffering.

Ode to Leroy

2006-02-02T13:35:00.000-05:00

I am haunted by ghosts of Fencing Past. When one has participated in an activity for decades, there are those who are part of your world before they die. Leroy is one of those Ghosts.

Leroy was a surrogate fencing dad to me. His daughters also fenced. When I was a kid, Leroy took me to many a tournament w/ his daughters, as well as sharing hotel rooms.

At Nationals in Chicago, one sultry summer, Leroy would come up to me, joking, that he had seen a women that must have been my twin. But it couldn’t be me. Why? She was wearing a skirt, something I never did. It just happened, that I had decided that I felt comfortable in a skirt, and a short skirt which was the fashion, because my legs were lean mean fencing machines.

It was one of the hottest summers on record. Leroy had asked for a ride back to his hotel rather then waiting in the summer heat for the shuttle. I was staying at my cousins, but it was no big deal. I would give him the hitch. I know that I would not have wanted to wait in the heat. I was having problems just walking to my car.

On the drive to the hotel, again, I was wearing a skirt; Leroy would put his hand on my thigh, inching up my skirt. It took all my self-control not to get in an accident as I shoved his hand off my thigh. He repeated his action a second and third time. When I threatened to pull the car over and make him walk, moving over a lane, he stopped and apologized.

I was shaken. This was a man, older then my parents, with daughters my peers, trying to seduce me! I was also quite angry. This was a man that I thought I could trust. Leroy saw my fury. He left the car at the hotel, like a dog with his tail between his legs.

We had initially talked about caravanning back home. I was driving alone for a 5-6 hr trip. However, I let him know that I would no longer be traveling in any way with him.

Over the following years, I would try and forgive him for his transgression. He had been more interested in my fencing then my own parents. My parents simply wanted to know how much it cost and what place I finished. The rest was of no concern. Leroy would try and give me helpful comments while on strip. So, I felt I owed it to him to try and clean up his act.

I helped him run one or another tournament. That is until the agreement of how much he would pay me got changed last minute. After awhile, I stopped helping. He would insult me, like his own students I would come to realize. Leroy was one of those black men who had been treated poorly, so he would turn around and put someone down to put himself up. As a kid, I was able to run circles around it. Now as an adult, in the situations that occurred, I couldn’t. I would have some of his former students come to my club and tell me Leroy stories. Sometimes his insults were to push the student further, rather then put down. But, I was to have nothing to do with it.

Over the next few years, I would try and reconcile. But each time, he would put more fuel on that fire. I wouldn’t let me forgive him.

I went to his funeral, quite angry. Why? Because I so wanted to forgive him, but now he was dead. His older daughter greeted me. She told me I could go talk to him and he wouldn’t argue back anymore. She said it as a joke. Scary but true. Did she know of all the women he had hit on like myself? Probably. His wife, was at peace with his death. The younger daughter, she was torn apart even though Leroy had been dying of larynx cancer for nearly 5 years. I don’t think the younger daughter forgave me for the angst between Leroy and I. However, I never wanted either of them to know their father had come on to me in an inappropriate way.

Here I sit. I’m still around living with his memory. Fighting to keep things positive. Yet hating him for not letting me forgive him.

Another day, another meal.

2006-01-25T09:53:00.000-05:00

I'm slowly but surely getting the hang of discretely nursing. It is definately an art form. In my case, I think it may just be a necessity.

The last two days have definately been a test. My adult help was unable to come in. This left Yodette w/ me and no back up. I had to nurse while teaching. Then, she was passed off to one or another parent.

Trying not to be too bias, I try and see my child as quite average with one exception. She seems to be exceptional when it comes to cuteness. This is to my advantage. The parents nearly fight to have their turn to hold her.

Yesterday was a bit ugly. I had 5 parents pass her off since she was incredibly grumpy. It started during the HS club practice. I still had a parent offer to take her. However, last time that happened, she just woke up before we were done. We had some ladies from another HS club come play with us.

When I got to the club, I fed her. However, but the time the 6pm class came in, she still wasn't happy, and wouldn't be until after we got home....

She seems to have her 1 bad day a week. I hope this is true. I think I can deal w/ a bad hair day. But not daily.

It's slowly working out. The question is, what weapon will appeal to her after watching all of this. She'll have footwork down as soon as she can walk. She's been riding it all her life now.

Hell freezing over

2006-01-23T14:05:00.000-05:00

So I took Yodette to her first tournament. She was well behaved and nearly started a fight. A fight you say? Yes, from the parents who were 'fighting' to hold her. It was rather humorous. I started joking about having people pay me to hold her. One parent let me know that I probably wouldn't get her back if he did.

Yodette had a blast smiling at people. She would finally fall asleep on my chest. She would jump occasionally when I yelled to a student. One of my boys finished 3rd, a personal best. He was also fencing well.

Early on, to my incredible astonishment, the Evil Emperor went out of his way to congratulate me for her birth.... This, after he had attacked me at a board meeting for being pregnant..... had hell frozen over or what?

Baby on Board

2006-01-21T13:18:00.000-05:00

The first few weeks w/ Yodette at home were quite pleasantly surreal. Then reality started to kick in. I can understand the joy of being a stay at home mom. Then again, I think should you have more then one kid, you have to.

With my return to the club, I've had to 'adjust' my coaching. Not that what I'm teaching has changed, but how I have to teach it sometimes does. Yodette wants to be held. She doesn't like being put into her bassinet until SHE's ready. So that means, she will frequently be on my chest in a carrier to start class.

Then she gets hungry while in class when I don't have help. What's a coach to do? Feed the kid. However, I also have students to be attentive to. So, while in the front carrier, I popped out lunch with a recieving blanket over her. It looked more like I was shielding her from the light. Only the other mom's knew the truth.

Later that same practice, I needed to make a weapon. Mommy ears heard Yodette wake up before the fencers on the strip adjecent to the office heard her. So, back into the front carrier and continue working on the weapon.

I wonder if there are other women fencing coaches who have had to do similarly. It makes sense to run class, do footwork and such w/ a baby on board. But nursing while running class? Yes, I give new meaning to "Baby on Board".

Things are working out. Sunday, I will take her to her first tournament which I will be strip coaching from.

Korean fencer

2006-01-16T11:32:00.000-05:00

I'm glad I'm not trying to make the Korean National team....

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060113/od_nm/korea_fencing_dc;_ylt=Ai7wk9FkfqMZm5A9JuAslsIuQE4F;_ylu=X3oDMTA3NW1oMDRpBHNlYwM3NTc

Wt training for the fencer

2006-01-11T11:18:00.000-05:00

It's been strange and wonderful being a mom. Strange, because, well, there is another person always with you. Wonderful, because well, there is another little person with you.

Thanks to my bestfriend from HS and bridesmaid, I have a back facing baby carrier which Yodette loves. I taught my HS club yesterday without a 'babysitter'. I had Yodette in the carrier and she slept most of practice. The problem was bending over. The gang did any that I needed. So all was fine.

When I got back to the club, I tried to pass her off. She'd have none of that. So, back into the carrier she went. She again slept through most of practice. When I tried to put her in the bassinet, she woke up and complained. I guess we will give new meaning to baby on board.

Last Thursday, after running the HS program, doing footwork with the gang, I then went and ran the youth class. I did footwork w/ Yodette on board. I felt fine. However, by the end of the night, my legs were quivering from exhaustion.

I told my husband to be prepared. I plan to compete in the fall. Therefore, doing footwork w/ a baby on board is weight training for the fencer.

Return of Yoda

2005-12-28T11:36:00.000-05:00

I went to the club last night for the first time since Yodette's birth. It was good to be back. I have one of my cousins in town with me to play 'nanny' for the week. Miki is helping lend a hand.

There will be some issues with getting used to Yodette at the club. However, last night as Steph refed the kids, I sat in a chair w/ Yodette in my arms and coached as I usually do. I didn't miss a beat. It was quite familiar. However, it was strange closing the door to my office to give Yodette her 2nds and 3rds on dinner.

This is gonna work. It has to.

The gang didn't expect me back until tonight. So they were pleasantly surprised to see me. It was great to see them. The kids were not sure what to make of Yodette. She's quite small. I would guess she's up to 7pds now. But she's still a runt. I would also guess that many of these kids were never as small as she is currently. One parent who kept telling me she would hold and change the little one during class was afraid to hold Yodette because she's so young and small... her 7 yr old son is almost as big as I am now!

This is gonna work. It has to.

I have 2 weeks or so to adjust. I worked with some of my adults last night to set up a footwork drill. I was moving with them slowly, cautiously for about 5 mins and then let them loose with each other. My body said that it could do what I asked, but wasn't much interested in doing more. My endurance sucks. This too will change.

This is gonna work. It has to.

Maybe, if I keep telling myself this, it will work and my fears and anxieties will go away like my dreams when I wake up to feed Yodette in the middle of the night.

Fencing w/ Yodette

2005-12-21T15:55:00.000-05:00

It's been said by many that fencing is a parable for life. Being a first time mom only helps prove this.

When fencing, there are 3 people on strip; yourself, your opponent, and your ref. For you to win, all of these ultimately need to be in some form of harmony. The choices you make have to be the right ones to counter your opponent. Your ref has to percieve the action as your action. To make the right choices to score, you need to have empathy/sympathy for your opponent. You can't just presume what will land and be accurate with higher consistancy. You need to be sensitive to how they are feeling as well as what choices they can and will make while being ready to change in mid motion. Hopefully, your referee will also percieve these nuances as well.

I am finding w/ Yodette, that if I am sensitive, I can understand what she wants/needs. Each day, it becomes easier to 'understand' her. She is still less then 2 weeks old. However, he sounds, motions etc, give me clues. Yes, I have an initial list to go through, food, diaper, gas, sleep,... However with sympathy I am able to make the better 'attack' to make her happy.

It's still an adventure. I'm slowly moving out of surreal into reality. I'm both looking forward and dreading going back to the club. I am some what still scared shitless about balancing teaching at the club and caring for Yodette. As I always do, I'll take it one step at a time. Yes, timing on strip is everything. So, I'll cautiously fence my way back.

A week w/ Yodette

2005-12-17T12:40:00.000-05:00

It's been a surreal week. Kat suggested the word. And, she was all too correct.

Thurs. night/Friday morning after midnight we checked into the hospital. I had already started contractions, mild contractions, so mild I wasn't really sure at about 10 pm. They put some Prostiglandin into me to help the uterus soften. That it did, but the contractions hadn't opened much of anything. In the morning, time for the evil Pitocin. Yes, evil! As in Darth Evil! It made the contractions more intensive. To the extent that even yours truly finally was defeated and asked for the epidural. In the end, good thing.

We would find out that the little one had wrapped her thighs in the imbilical cord. And, would not come down, so as not to put enough pressure to crown.

By the time the decision was made that there was less then a 10 percent chance of deliverying w/o a C, most everything was in place. So, a bunch of anesthesiologist wheeled me into the OR. Let me tell you about a full blown epidural... It's like a serious novacaine for a tooth only for the body. It was like being totally drunk and sober at the same time... WHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEE. I was rather funny and enjoying myself. Then the anethesiologist kept knocking my cart into everything and anything they could. I swear is was something out of 'Scrubs'. However, surreal doesn't stop here.

In the OR, the dr. who I had pleasantly debated one thing and another about the process of birthing, was there. For those of you in the fencing community, it was as if Emik Kaidonov from PSU was the surgion. So, they 'strap' me down into a Jesus Christ position. I made a comment about this being a Nice Jewish Girl. The dr asst. 'Emik' was a young doc from Lebanon, obviously Arabic. He took a moment to register what I was saying. Then decided it was funny and laughed. 'Emik' basically expected something like that from me. 'Emik' started making fencing jokes as he started the surgery. Talk about surreal....

Yodette was pulled out of my belly, cleaned up and handed to my husband. Tears started coming down my face as he turned her so I could see. He didn't understand that these were definately tears of joy. Our little one. 9.5 months and she was finally here in his arms.

Much of the weekend then became a blur.

I was eventually asked to get vertical from my bed. The walk from the bed to the bathroom was maybe 20 feet. As I moved I felt liquid down my leg. By the time I had gotten to the bathroom, there seemed gallons all over the floor. The nurse, Crazy Lisa, would tell me later that she was concern with so much blood loss that I was about to pass out. All I asked was that if I was gonna be cleaned up, the whole point of this mission, could she shampoo my head? Crazy Lisa thought the bathroom looked like someone had been murdered. And the patient wants a shampoo... what's wrong w/ this picture?

Another amusing story was the Lebanese Dr. coming in the morning asking me about what form of birthcontrol my husband and I had and will use. He tried to convince me/us to use another form such as the pill, no- I have enough issues w/ screwed up hormone levels, IUD, no- I know too many women who have nearly died from them. I was amused. I was asked if I wanted another child. No. One was enough. So he pushed. I had to explain that this was a planned thing. And, that it was easy enough to avoid it again. Crazy Lisa was a bit pissed w/ him. In retrospect, I think he believe me a young mother who had accidently gotten pregnant and was trying to make sure I didn't to it again if it was unwanted.... OY!

We came home on Monday. Yodette has shown herself to be a gentle child. She's not a screamer. She's a bit of a whiner when she's upset. Her feet are HUGE! I finally measured them and they are 3 inches long w/ chimpanzee gripper toes. She has 1-2 cm of brunette hair on her head. Long slender fingers w/ nails that don't seem to stop scratching my boob when nursing.

She's had a healthy appetite. A week after birth and she's an onze below birthweight which I understand to be normal. She's already trying to roll over, lift her head and react to loud sound as well as light. Even though she's only a week old, she's acting like she's nearly 3.

She's already got my husband wrapped around her finger. He fight's with me to hold her. When he finally gets home, he does everything except feed her and change her diaper... or when she gets toooo upset, I get her, calm her down and then pass her back. He's getting better at handling her. He's becoming less and less of a paranoid first time dad.

I do have pics. But none will be posted here. Those who are on my email list will have some forwarded in due time. I'm typing quickly so that I can finish this update before it's feeding/diaper time again. My windows to post are small. I hope to send out a mass email to friends, family and teammates with these basic updates.

I have gotten a rhythm w/ her. I am getting 7-8 hrs sleep, miraculously. I'm still a bit sore from the C, but this too is disapating. And, most importantly, I'm becoming most dexterous at the one handed activity.

So, for Obee and Obee wife, there is your update. Thanks to all for their support!

Coach Yoda, Yodette and Yodaspouse!

No news update

2005-12-06T20:07:00.000-05:00

I figured out what's worse then being a beached whale that can't roll over.... A beached whale with gas. Garlic and Pregnancy don't go together. My husband and I were heating the house with natural gas... OY was that uncomfortable.

No changes. We go in Thursday evening/Friday morning after midnight. The drs will start out with Prostiglandin. After letting that sit for a few hours, we move on to the pitocin... Pitocin may be evil, but it's the lesser evil to a C. I had to deal with my abdominal muscles healing from an apendix. I would rather not go thru that again for professional reasons. If I have to for the health and safety of the little one, that's what will be done.

My father in law has been calling to check up. My honorary 'Jewish' mom has been calling too. I've talked to my mom on a regular basis so she can coordinate drs appointments with me. So for, no change.

The most amusing thing is watching people's faces as they see me at the club. My husband has started yelling at my stomach to tell the little one to come out all ready. He woke up on Monday stating he didn't want to go to work. 'Tell that to your daughter' I told him. So, he did. He's got Friday scheduled off.

So, how do I feel? Like a 24 pd bowling ball on legs.

waddle, waddle, waddle....

Sleepless in the Great Lakes

2005-12-01T04:15:00.000-05:00

I think beached whales have an easier time of rolling over then I do....

The count down is on. Dec 9 is the last possible date. Until then....

On Tuesday I taught my HS program. I hadn't even intended on going since I expected to have a little one in my arms. So, instead of driving myself stir crazy, I went. I taught Advance-Lunge with a new twist of a 'why' and 'for what purpose' then I have. At JO quals, two of the HSers had used it effectively until they got spooked. So, teach it from their perspective that worked. Not just the mechanics. It felt good to teach. It felt good to take what I inheritly know to the next level of 'better communication' of teaching. Besides, I presented the reasoning in a properly abnoxious way that the gang really enjoyed it.

One of the ladies from the HS program, a senior, came up to me after class and told me I was her hero. Why? Because I'm this pregnant and still kicking. I told her I had put in the new energizer batteries.... hmmm, good ad?!?! I guess I had impressed her at my mobility at beyond plump status quo. Ok, can you say Jabba the Hut???

Again, on Wed. I taught class. Now, let me just add that I'm moving at a rather slow pace. It's easier to move in en garde then walking. Why? One's hips are in a better position of support for the munchkin spawnette. After sitting for awhile, then getting up, I have to wait for my hips to readjust to wt bearing. When I shift my hips into en garde position, the are in a more stable position for wt bearing. Besides, my footwork, as long as it's at a 'maternal' pace is smoother then walking. Ok, I'm huffing and puffing when I'm done, but I'd be doing the same after walking for similar time/distance.... It's my rational and I'm sticking to it.

I really can't see my body holding on for another week. This is yet another one of those wake up and pee between 3:15 and 3:45 am and be unable to go back to sleep. My body just doesn't want to lie down anymore. I can't get comfortable. It's hard enough breathing due to the pressures on my lungs, let alone get comfortable on my ribs/spine. My husband joked that breathing is over rated... he may be right. So, this is again, another sleepless night in the Great Lakes.

Back to the Dr.... kinda like the future?

2005-11-29T05:40:00.000-05:00

So, today the Dr did something different. She had me strap into this new contraption that made what looked like a lie detector's printout of the little one's motion. Everytime the little one moved, I was to press down on a switch to prove that I was telling the truth about her motion.... She's alive and kicking, and swimming and.... Bottom line is she's enjoying her personal and private heated swimming pool too much to come out and be social. Or maybe, all those dead turkeys last week scared her... At least no one mistook me for the Thanksgiving meal. And, for that I am greatful.

So, the latest scoop is that she is head south again. I explained that her position in utero was like local weather, hold your breath a moment and it will change. Dr said that if she doesn't come out on her own accord, she'll give me some Prostaglandin which will 'lube' the exit route. Once the exit route is primed, there is a good chance my body will send out the Oxytocin to get the contractions going. If that doesn't happen, it's time to bring in the Pitocin. (I've only heard of one women who had a good experience w/ Pitocin. Everyone else has basically said the stuff is evil. Right now, I'm thinking it would be good just to see my toes again.) Worse case scenario, they go in and get her... This will all come to a conclusion on Dec. 9 if not sooner.

My nutty brother with his new expensive state of the art digital camera took some very NOT complimentry pictures of the belly that doesn't end. Jabba the Hut move over!

On Sat. despite feeling tired, telling my husband I was going to take a nap, decided to put somethings away before curling up. 6 hrs later, I had straightened out the little one's room, scrubbed 2 toilets, put away groceries my husband was supposed to take care of so I didn't have to lift, (I did this feat sitting on my ass on the kitchen floor. Less lifting, just shifting around.) scrubbed off all the cabinet doors in the kitchen at ass height, as well as scrubbed the kitchen floor again sitting on my ass. Ok, I think that's what you call a nesting instinct.

After all that, I did curl up and read for awhile. My husband took care of the next level of cleaning that could not be done sitting on one's ass. And, my brother and his latest girlfriend came over and we played obstacle course pool. (The house came with a pool table. The pool table is fairly warped, kinda like the current house owners. In addition to the warped table, the space in which the table sits, has bars that interfer with certain shots. It's rather comical to watch very average to poor players trying to play to begin with. Add obstacles and/or alchohol......)

Sunday, I got going and thought, ok, what would I like to do. I am on vacation and the house is clean. I sat down and created a seedbead bracelet on a loom for the little one. It's purple and green for her father and mother with her name in Gold. My husband asked if she was a bit young for it. Of course, I told him. But it's her first piece of jewelry.

Today, Dr. I realized there is NO reason not to go to the club. So, instead of driving myself crazy chillin at home, I drove myself to the club despite my mother's concerns. I explained that as long as I wasn't tired and there was space between belly and steering wheel there was no reason not to drive myself. Beside, neither she nor my dad wanted to play chauffer for my errands, now did they?

A little fun... at my expense.

2005-11-24T05:16:00.000-05:00

This one's for Q.

For all you looneys out there, if you were to talk to me on my blasted cellphone while in labor, what would you expect the conversation be?

Q: Hey Coach! How ya doing?
C: Q, pant, pant, pant, I'm in the labor room right now. pant, pant
Q: And you have your cellphone on?
C: YEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH, pant, pant, pant. yeah, trying to keep my mind off things.. pant, pant
Hubbie: breath Honey,
Q: What's happening?
C: I'm 5 cm dialated, pant, pant, YEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH, pant, pant, everythings fine... pant, pant, I'm in saber mode..pant, pant
Q: Umm, should we really be on the phone?
C: pant, pant, WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYY pant, pant not? How's, pant, pant, Boston?

to be continued.....

Waiting game....

2005-11-23T11:15:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling, well, large and rotund. At least I have the week off, which is a nice respite considering I've taken no vacation time since last Thanksgiving, which really wasn't a vacation because of the grief it involved. I'm not looking forward to taking time off without a little one to take care of. Ok, it's a mind set at this point. I really don't like taking time off from the club.

1) Because when it comes to the club, I enjoy what I do and am a workaholic when it comes to teaching. The paperwork is relaxing if I have the time without interuption to do. I do enjoy it. I just don't like being rushed or side tracked, which I regularly am.

2) It's my club. It's my responsibility. I don't like having to give it to others, unless there is a GOOD reason. Ok, having a kid is a good reason. However, if this kid doesn't come soon, I'll be at the club until she does decide to drop in.

The problem is, the longer she takes, the less 'vacation' time I have. I guess I could have people cover into the begining of Jan. as necassary. However, I don't like the idea of being at home fat and pregnant without a kid and not at the club. So, is she isn't here by this coming Monday, I'll be at the club.

I bumped into a women I had met at one of the La Leche League meetings. LLL is for the promotion and assistance of breast feeding a child. This women had been a mid-wife down in TX before moving here. I asked if there was anything I could do to help speed up the wait. She gave me 3 suggestions: Walking, I was out food shoping with mom to fill the cupboards while I was out. Staying active, it's not me to sit around watching TV eating bonbons. And have sex.... (I know, you don't want to know...)

Another women, I think only half serious, told me she had eaten pizza the night before and that had worked.

Someone told me today that she didn't want a vaginal birth. Lucky her, both children were in breach and she got her wish....

Any suggestions? I asked a rabbi to put in a prayer for me that she comes before Thanksgiving dinner so I don't have to wrestle with all the differing household that should be visited. As long as the little one shows, then I can have people come to me instead.

Loyalty

2005-11-23T09:10:00.000-05:00

My mom named my sister quite well. Like the name's biblical connotation, my sister Ruth is quite loyal. There is no question about that.

I've told my family that my husband's mother is a non-entity in our lives. She's a pleasant enough women who really does nothing about her relation with her son. My husband is rather fine with that. She's out of our hair. She's just a non-entity. Occcasionally, she has called. And, yes we have gotten together, but it's easy enough to ignore her.

I had told my husband when we got engaged I need to meet his mother at least twice before we got married. Once before the wedding and once at the wedding. Beyond that was between the two of them. It took 3 months before my husband and my mother in law could find an afternoon to do lunch.

I had been over at my sister's house with family type activities when she introduced me to her husband's new kitten, a siamese kitten, way cute! Ruth explained that she had gone online to find a breeder in the area. Strangely not an easy task. I mentioned that I understood my future mother in law breed siamese, but hadn't met her. Conversation and afternoon went on. Awhile later, the topic returned and my siste pulled out the card of the breeder. Sure enough, it was the card of my future mother in law. So, I asked my sister what she was like.

My future mother in law was a science person, masters in genetic breeding, shorter then myself believe it or not. Pleasant enough, sharp, etc. Nothing specific.

I would find out for myself who she basically was. Yes, a pleasant enough person to deal with face to face. However, someone who wants all the credit and none of the responsibility. She was short-sited in her dealings with the world. She would not follow through with much. She did cause some angst at the wedding, nothing that couldn't be easily ignored. She wore a white dress and was in my dressing room. Again, a non-entity in my book.

She called my husband one recent evening, in tears again. Her second husband who she's been having problems with, reported her to the authorities for having too many cats in the house. Her cats would be confiscated. She would be slapped with disorderly conduct, rather then cruelty to animals. She could not tell me how she was being slapped with disorderly conduct. None of it made sense when she came over to deliver baby gifts. She said that both of her parents were abusive as was her current husband. She would be filing for bankrupsy as well as leaving town to move in with her neice in WI. where her mother and sister also lived. She would finally pick of the class she needed to potential further her career which she hadn't done while working for the local college doing biological research. It was her boss' fault for not telling her she was academically deficient. Not her own.

It was her husband's fault for her ruin, not her own. She had fought other animal endangerment accusations by relative strangers in the recent past. But this was not her fault. The professionals were spreading nasty rumors about her in the breeding community but this too was not her fault. They were just catty people....

My sister's cat had been breed by my mother in law. The kittens, purebreds had their papers. All my mother in law wanted was one of the males for breeding purposes. Keep the line going. This was not a problem. However, when Ruth had too many kittens and wasn't able to give them away, she returned them to my mother in law to sell or otherwise. One or another of those kittens was also confiscated. I guess, from what I'm told, my sister in her usual way of being helpful, tried to get her kitten(s) back and be helpful/supportive for my mother in law.

From what I can tell, and I'm not too sure since it was my mother who told me, Ruth didn't want to talk about it, that my mother in law basically blew Ruth off. Ruth's loyalty was greeted with indifferance. My mother in law, I can only guess from her prior actions was probably so involved with saying woe as me, that she ignored my sister's overtures, didn't return phone calls, etc.

When my sister was told that I wasn't too happy about the possibility of a C, she called to tell me about her experience, info she hoped might be comforting and helpful, since she had had a C.

I mentioned that I had given a massive email list to Steph so when we had vitals on the little one, Steph could sent them out. However, I hadn't included my mother in law's email address since I hadn't saved it from when my sister had given it to me. And, my mother in law's home phone had been disconnected because of the lack of payment. However, my mother in law did have a cellphone. Could Ruth get me the email address and phone again?

Ruth balked a bit. She had done this too me in support of my mother in law much over the past 2-3 years. She defended my mother in laws actions as a 'mad scientist' type. Ruth insisted that the women be treated with a more active attitude than my husband and I did. It was our fault that she kept her distance not her non-entity manners.

Ruth apologies to me. This blew my mind. She explained that she really had misunderstood the family dynamics I was dealing with and had greater empathy towards me.... It would be later that my mother would fill me in on the whys.

When Ruth gets hurt or burned by her own sense of loyalty or love for another, she's not one to tell the details as to why. She'll apologies for her stand, which is great. I'll give her much credit for that. Ruth is an honest, good, loyal sister. It would be nice to have a real repore with her. When recently asked if I was close to my sister, I quickly answered, No. However, I also added we have a positive neutral relation. Why? Because, I too am loyal to my sister in things like this. Close no. Loyal? In the long run, at least there is hope of better communications. More then I can say for my mother in law in respect to her eldest son.

Told ya so...

2005-11-22T04:03:00.000-05:00

Quals for Jr. Olympics were this weekend. I've been in communication with the exec. director of USFA as well as the head of the fencing official's commitee (FOC) about the fact that I was fearful that quals would not be run, on the first day appropriately. Recently, a fairly high up FOC rep moved into the area. He's a wonderful ref who takes NO shit. Good thing. He's calm, cool, and precise. Ok, he'll make a human type of mistake occasionally. For example, he tried to give one of my students a red card for a yellow card offence. Once I questioned him politely, he checked and corrected himself without issue.

Rather then telling you in my own words about the issues, here are his words from a email sent to the head of FOC.

Sat. 11/19 and Sun 11/20 the Division held its JO's qualifying competition. The U-17 things were Sat., while the U-20 stuff was on Sun.

Sunday's events were fine. Boys and Girls epee was schedule for 9am. Boys and girls foil was scheduled for 12noon. No problem there. The venue was good. Everything was run ok. The only problem was some of the referees were not qualified. I was busy with boys' epee. One of the foil referees did not know about the illegality of covering target with the non-weapon arm. I pointed it out to him and he looked at me as if I were from Mars. In several cases, I noticed coaches refereeing their own students.

Before I get to describing how things went on Sat, let me tell you about the format: pools all the way. 30% of the fencers were cut at the end of each pool. The final pool was of 7 fencers. The top 3 or 4 qualified. How many moved up and how many would qualify was clear from the beginning, but many fencers used to the long bouts were at a clear disadvantage.

Saturday's event were held in the normal fencing room of Evil Emperor's Fencing Club.

No 2 strips were identical in length nor width. The sides and back end of the strips were not properly marked. One was actually 3m (meters, not feet) shorter. The strips were too close together. There was not enough room for the referee to back up to see things.

The main room had 2 strip. I refused to referee there, and 2 coaches refused to have their fencers fence there. It is basically a basement crawl space for pipes to go from the boiler room to other parts of the building at this HS. Floor to ceiling is probably 6 feet 10 inches. Then there are pipes hanging at ceiling level lowering it an other 5 or 6 inches, and not evenly so. Also it was too hot.

They had 2 strips down one hallway. The ceiling height was ok--not ideal, about 6ft 7, but it was too narrow. Between one side of the strip and the lockers, there was about 1 foot, if that much. The box was set on top of the lockers. The floor cables and extension cords were taped on the lockers and kept falling down. On the other side, there was more room, maybe 2.5 ft! I was to stand there and referee from there. I got hit 4 or 5 times.

2 more strip were set in a near-by room, called the "dance room" because of the mirrors. The room is probably 10 feet wide. In this width, there 2 strips, space between the strips for the boxes, space for refs on both long sides to be shared with spectators, and about 3 or 4 feet extra at the ends.

We began on time. That is we began at about 3pm, with registration closed at 2:30. That's not too bad. Shortly after that foil started, boys and girls. I finally left the venue at past 9pm. I did boys epee and that's it. I had a look at the other 3 events.

I actually saw one referee coaching his own student during the bout he was refereeing. After a touch was awarded he walked over to his student and told her what she should next.

To be totally honest, I don't think the results from Sat. are valid and they should not be counted. The situation clearly favored the members of the local club, since they are used to fencing there.

And so sayeth an FOC ref.

Update

2005-11-21T20:00:00.000-05:00

Went to the Dr. today for the latest. She's turned, again! Her head is Down! The C section that had been scheduled for this coming Friday has now been cancelled. We now have a waiting game. She's still kicking, moving, swimming, etc. I started calling her Nadia Comeneci if not the little mermaid.

I called my husband after the good news. I told him that her tush was between my ribs. She had a cute little tush like my husband. "Does she have your head?" "Yes, she has a hard head like mom and a cute tush like dad."

I finally was able to rationalize my emotions about the possible C. I'm used to defending myself against people who are trying to cut me up. With surgery, I can't defend myself. This goes against my professional training.

I'm doing better now. If it's a C, we'll deal. Cross your fingers that we can have a natural birth.

Thanks!

Scared

2005-11-18T23:45:00.000-05:00

I hate waking up early. However, today was no choice. Waking up early throws my whole sleep schedule off alot more now then it used to. I had to be at Mom's so we could go to the hospital by 7:15 am so that the little on could be rotated.

Bleary eyed, we made the hospital by 8 am for the prep. The nurse asst. straped on two monitors to listen to the baby's heart rate. She took my blood pressure, a bit high for me, go figure. She then found a good vein so she could set up the IV. Mom went down to get coffee while the IV process was going on. Good thing. Not only did the women take some blood to test to confirm everything was fine. But she leaked a bit all over the place. The sheets next to me were stained.... I don't have to do the laundry.

Dr came in.

Up until Tues the little one's head was down. She would hiccup and the wave would be like lights going from my crotch to my bellybutton. On Tues evening, her hiccups went from my left hip towards my bellybutton. She had turned. On Thursday evening, she had been VERY active,... can you say gymnastics? Her head was no longer on my left hip with her spine against the bottom of my lungs, but her head was now against my right hip with her spine near my pelvic region but totally turned from Wed. There would be no inversion.

If I go into labor, right this minute, there would have to be a C. I currently have an appointment for next Friday at 7am, to have a C, if needed. The hope is, if she hasn't put her head down again, that the dr will at least be able to rotate her then induce. If that's the case, well, less drugs at least. If I go into labor, there will be hope that things can go more vs less natural.

I'm scared. I'm truly scared. This is not a feeling with this level of intensity that I have often. I'm used to people attacking me with swords in a mock attempt to cut me up. But when it's this sort of precision... Yes, I'm quite scared.

I have an appointment for Monday instead of Wed as was scheduled. This is so the Dr can monitor the situation and see what is what. I'm sooo rotund I'm in pain/discomfort from the pressure on my belly. I can wait the week. I'm on 'vacation' for the time being. I just want to be able to get back sooner rather then later.

So many possibilities. So little known. It's like when the ref calls "Fence". You might have a plan, but your opponent's job is to foul your plan up. You need to be quickly mentally flexible to deal with the emerging change of activity in order to be successful.

However, it's my own blood that will be spilled with the change of outcomes.

Yes, I'm quite scared.

The Continuum concept

2005-11-17T11:09:00.000-05:00

I've been reading a book borrowed from La Leche League. It's about the 'Continuum Concept' which states if we just look at the human needs, all creatures needs for that matter, from an anthropological standpoint, and give them what their basic needs are, they will be alot happier in the end. So, a newborn when she is upset, should be fed, changed, hugged or whatever she needs as soon as she needs it rather then imposing one's own will on the little one. To me, much of this is simply common sense. However, common sense seems not to be that common anymore.

One of the post-lack of 'enough hugs' as an infant the book says, is the lack of ability to be centered later in life. I've been thinking about this from a coaching standpoint as well as a wife and parent to be.

(First off, let me tell you that most psychobabble I believe is BS!)

No, my husband is not the most demonstrative of people. Me, I'm a cuddle muffin if given a chance. My mom and I have shared comments about how inept my hubby is on the hug. He's incredibly uncomfortable. Poor dear, married into a tactile family having come from a very non-tactile household. Typically, we sleep and there is no physical contact all night long which I really don't like. For me, at least a toe or knee should be in contact. I've been slowly working for this. Sure enough, when I wake up in the middle of the night, 3:30 seems to be the official bladder time, I curl back up next to him and he is now responding in his sleep. YEAH! He's also waking up in a bit of a better mood. This could be other things that are going on with us. But for now, I'm gonna think it's his getting long over due hugs.

The book also goes on to talk about the fact that children should be in regular contact, both physical to begin with as well as vicinity while parents, siblings, etc are doing work. Why? They first enjoy the physical movement of the parent/sibling/relative carrying them. They also learn about 'work' or responsibility from watching the daily routine of their older peers. To me, this is confirming my instinct of bringing the little one to work with me. (In this month's edition of American Fencing, Sam Nemecek explained that her parents started fencing about the time she was born. She grew up around the sport. She's also came up through the ranks with amazing speed. I first met Sam when she was maybe 10. She wasn't serious about the sport. In the next 3 years, she started to take over. I've known her parents, wonderful people, for what seems forever.)

Another point of the misuse of parent-newborn relation is that a parent's job is to give the little one the healthy attention that the child needs. When the child is happy, satisfied, they will start showing their confident independance when they are ready. However, when a mom takes advantage of having the child give her the attention mom wants rather then the child needs, a male child has the tendancy to look towards other males for the mothering attention that they crave. I thought about this scenario and it totally describes, simplistically, the relation a gay male student of mine has with his mother. When I mentioned it to him, he agreed, but stated, that's nice and simplistically quite true, however, what's the solution? I wonder, if he were to get some inquestioning loving, maternal hugs from some women, would that change his orientation? Or is his orientation as it is, but motherly effection would simply help him find personal balance? I really don't care what his sexual orientation is. I have a very healthy repore with him. We've shared hotel rooms on the road. We have been known to finish each other's sentences. We are also comfortable with each others friendship that we can straight out tell each other negative things with no hard feelings. It's a good friendship. I just wish he'd find some peace of heart right now... he's having responsibility issues and none of those responsibilities are too himself.

I'm liking this continuum principals. Of course, with any 'self help' type of theory, there are things that go too far to be reasonable to me. But personally, the basic premise that all people, no matter their age or status, should be treated as worthy equals. Ok, maybe younger or older peers, as I like to say, but none the less equals. Leaderships should be chosen by those looking for a leader, not by the person who wants to be leader. No one should inflict their will on others... ok, that's still a hard one at times. I'm still the coach.

Transverse position

2005-11-16T17:02:00.000-05:00

Went to the dr today. We're up to weekly visits. She says the little one is full term. I could have told her that from the way I was feeling.... can you say Duck Walk?

However, the news is a bit scary. The little one has shifted. I kinda knew that last night. When she had her hiccups, the motion was going from hip towards belly button on me rather then from groin to belly button. So, her head is no longer down. She's in the transverse position with her spine against the bottem on my lungs.

This means, if I were to go into labor right now, I would need to have a C-section. What I've been fearful of in childbirthing since I was a teen. There was a wife of a teammate who made me look big in HS. She was such a little women she had to have a C. My sister had a C. I don't want a C. I sooooo don't want to have a C. It's one of the reasons I've been fearful of getting pregnant. And things were looking so good.

On Friday, the dr wants me to come in so she can try and rotate the little one. It's only a quarter of a turn to put her into the correct position. There is still a good chance of the little one rotating into the correct position on her own. She's been quite active.

I'm not fearful of Friday. I'm not too keen on being given drugs so this procedure can be done and hopefully work. I'm not too keen on any drugs for the kid. However, it's still better then having a C for both of us. Is she doesn't turn, and I go into labor, the dr says she'll start w/ an epidural, yet another thing that I'm soooo very against if avoidable, so as to try and rotate the little one before doing a C.

I know women have been giving birth to children for centuries. However, I'm currently feeling very uncomfortable, very rotund, very indescrete about having my belly keep showing under my oversized clothes that aren't that oversized anymore. We really don't know what the effects of so many of these drugs are on little people. I was told that reseach has found there could be a correlation between ultrasound and autism in neophytes to the point that a local hospital believes more research is needed. How about epidurals? I suspect if none drips out of the spinal area into the general blood flow or the child is born before a full effect can get to them, that's fine. But anything in a mother's system is bound to effect the newborn.

Now I'm getting scared. Natural childbirth and the discomfort/pain/muscle spasms don't bother me... this does.

Heros

2005-11-16T00:35:00.000-05:00

A parent came up to me after practice last Thursday. She had an evil smile on her face. "I have to tell you about a class assignment Nathan had to do. He had to chose someone in his life that was a hero. He chose you."

Nathan is a brilliant 9 yr old child when you talk technical or engineer type subjects. He can have a wicked sense of humor that has had me rolling for a good while. However, emotionally, he's a basket case.

If something isn't perfect right away, he falls apart into tears and becomes an emotional invalid. He can't pull himself out of these meltdowns. I've been able to slowly but surely get him to stop before they start, or/and fall less deeply into them.

Initially I let him know that his imperfections would not cause me or anyone else to love him less. One tactic was to threaten to tickle him. Yes, he's quite ticklish as one would expect from a 9 yr old. For awhile that stopped him from falling too far. This was one of the steps as I got him to focus on the solution rather then the problem. If something didn't work, why? Now let's correct the mistake rather then become a basket case because of it.

In due time, he would be able to hold on to this logic tree and pull himself up from the lull he was falling and correct the mistake causing himself to score and thus victory in his bout.

I told him that if he took our youth event without any tears, I would give him a special award.

Sure enough, he lost 5-4 to another teammate. No biggy. Great bout. He and his teammate would both go on to win another bout against someone else in their pool. This I was both happy and pleasantly surprised considering it was both fencer's first tournaments. (I explain that my expectation for first events are to DFL-Dead Flipping Last, due to the pressures and newness of the event. Anything above DFL is icing on the cake. So, now prove my DFL expectations wrong.)

Nathan would win his first DE to everyone's pleasant surprise. Nathan would finish 8 out of 11. There were no tears. On his second DE were he would lose to the 2nd place finisher, I could see him torn between winning and wanting to be done due to exhaustion. (Mom would tell me they would go home. Nathan would go for a nap and wake up the following morning. He was both physically and emotionally beat.) When he finally showed back up to the club, I would give him a team patch because he represented the team in a way that I was honored to have him as a teammate.

So, Mom is there telling me about Nathan's assignment. She says it's posted in the school hallway. He wrote that I was his hero because I made him look for solutions not at the problem. He also had to draw a picture of me.... Now that's the part that I'm worried about. She says she'll get me a copy. I may have to frame it for my office.

I was telling this story to another parent the following day. Rosilyn was taking me to the Le Leche League meeting. She was having infant withdrawal. So, I was happy to oblige her. In the end, she would contribute to the meeting in such a way that was helpful to me, as well as the other ladies. Rosilyn's daughter had a student-teacher meeting. The daughter had mentioned she didn't like PE because of the team sports that didn't fit her personality. However, she had a fencing coach who taught to her special interest. Rosilyn added, "That's why I love you for my children. You treat everyone differently. You find what that individual needs in attention and you give it to them."

.... they could be heros .......

One of his own

2005-11-14T09:17:00.000-05:00

On Sat. my husband went grudgingly to a Daddy Bootcamp. He came home saying everything was common sense. Yes, but common sense isn't that common anymore. On Sunday, after a bad ride in the morning, we went to tour the hospital. He was tired and grumpy. He threatened to turn back. I threatened him with divorce if he did. I told him that I needed to go... so he again changed lanes and continued.

Both of us were tired from having woken up too early for his ride that morning. But the information was good and conforting to me. The best part was at when we got to the nursery. There was a little-little in the arms of a nurse. He was under 7pds. She was having the best time in her life holding this little one, showing him off to us all. My husband's face lit up. It was a wonderful thing to see. Yes, his paternal instincts are slowly kicking in. Just as I've been hoping. He had an incredible grin on. Yes, he too will have his own soon enough.

We got home and I insisted on lights out by 10:30. I heard him sleeping within 2 mins of that. He felt better this morning.

How does it feel?

2005-11-11T14:14:00.000-05:00

Last night, I decided to describe for my teenage male student what it felt like to be pregnant:

It's like you've gone to this really great buffet and eaten too much. You've eaten all too much that you are in pain from the too much that you've eaten. But it's not just food that you have in you. It's like there are tribbles in your gut moving around at their pleasure. So your belly is roiling with the motion of the tribbles.

Now add some major killer gas. But that gas isn't necassarily where it should be. It's muscle spasms below your gut, above your leg sockets from the gas that's not ready to pass, but just sit and be difficult, uncomfortable and annoying. We call that discomfort, Braxton-Hicks contractions.

This is how it feels to be this pregnant.

1-2 weeks left.

A Spawnette gift

2005-11-09T12:15:00.000-05:00

I have to publicly mention this one. It threw me for a loop.

I received a gift from Obeekris and ObeeWife. The card said that they found these and they were so ADORABLE... yipes, I'm thinking. Please no more PINK ballet slippers. "I hope you don't mind the color..." I'm thinking,.. NO MORE STINKY PINK. I had just finished warning my 9 yr old female saberist that I would disown her is she wore a pink saber lame.

So, with trepidation, I opened the box.

There was no pink. There was no purple. There was green. Ok, I cn accept green and gray. Her room is green with yellow, what's the problem with color? There are 3 items in the box. First I pull out grey cap with a image of Yoda saying, "Judge me by my size do you?" Then I pull out the bib, "Good Food, Hmm?" Third, I pull out the onesie again with an image of Yoda, "Size matters not."

This little one will be the envy of every fencing mom!

Thanks Mrs & Mr Obee!

Jury Duty

2005-11-08T10:34:00.000-05:00

So the phone rings at 8 am. I've barely fallen back to sleep from my husband's goodmorning/goodbye kiss at 7:30. Usually, the phone ringing at 8 means he forgot to ask me something and needs me to do it ASAP. Not this morning...

You've been called for jury duty.

I have?

We sent you a notice 3 weeks ago.

You did?

Can you be downtown at court at 8:30?

No, it takes 45 mins to get there and I'm still in bed. And, we have no water since the water main broke this weekend... and I'm 8 weeks pregnant, what is the dress code?... OH MY GOSH!!!!

So, I told the women that I would make it by 9am. No shower, Not too funky to use her words. And, I put on a short sleeved dress which gave me plenty of expansion room, threw on some sandals 'cause nothing else is really fitting, packed a bag of work clothes and left.

I called my husband to let him know. He wasn't too happy. He just wanted to me to get out of it. I couldn't get out of anything until I showed up.

I showed up. Signed in. Sat and waited. And waited. I expected to keep waiting. However one women mentioned that they had already taken about 30 people at 8:30 for jury selection. It was Monday. So, there was hope of being part of jury selection before the morning was out. At about 9:45 they lined us up. I was jury #9. We went up stairs and they again lined us up in our appropriate order. While waiting for the judge to be ready. I got permission to make a b-line to the bathroom. I started a trend. 6 more people followed me. I had an excuse. They needed one.

In we went. The Judge went on and on about what our civil duties were. What the process would be, etc. She finally started the questioning portion. Did we know anyone in law inforcement, homeland security, or such? Had we ever been testified for a criminal case? I said yes. But could we talk about it separately. Not a problem. Had you or anyone you know been a victim of violent crime? Yes, but that goes back to your previous question.

My favorite question was did we have a problem with guns? My responce was that I had shot rifles and pistols. In the right hands there isn't a problem. In the wrong hands a gun sucks. The fellow sitting next to me said, "I LIKE GUNS!" a bit too enthusiastically. Go figure, he didn't want to be chosen and was making sure of it.

Another question had been had you been convicted on anything in court. One fellow answered that he had been convicted of DUI. He was asked if that would cloud his judgement. He said, "No, I deserved it."

We would take a break from the questioning. I was a bit slow out of the room because of the large group. However, I made sure to call my place for the bathroom line again. I started talking to a fellow who's son started fencing at a local program. His son just LOVED the sport. Dad might be looking for a more involved program then what was available. So, I gave the man my card.

Again, back in for a few more questions. Then lunch break. I was the first to be asked to talk to the attorneys and judge without the rest of the potential jurors. I guess they decided a pregger women needed lunch more then most. It was a female judge at that. (She had asked what some man's wife did. He answered she didn't works, she was a homemaker. The judge replied so she she does work.)

I was asked when I was due. 2-3 weeks. This case was expected to take 2 days to give evidence and a day to deliberate. This meant, it should take no more then a week. Could I sit through the proceedings without issue? Yes, as long as you don't mind me squirming like a little kid at times, I'm good to go. But there is something else you should probably know. I'm a victim of a violent crime. The man who attacked me did 7 years time and as far as I can find, hasn't done anything else since. I was asked about the prosecuting attorney who was a putz, but then again so was the defending attorney in my eyes. Would I bias? I think I can be even kilter for either side. Doesn't matter the packaging. People are people are people.

From what I could gather the case was the US Govt vs Joe Schmoe for gun trafficing. When we had left the court for our pee break, their had been a bag of rifles I had noticed. Hmmmm,

So off to lunch we went. I found someone who had been with our group and ate with her. She had gotten a similarly ominous call that morning at 8am about jury duty. She had rushed out of the factory, leaving messages for her boss about it. I offered her my cell to call in. We had a delightful time visiting. Poor dear, she would be chosen as one of the jurors.

We were asked to promptly be back in the waiting room by 1:40. I asked one of the women in that office what the scoop was. Only to find out she was a former student. There went another business card. I would be amused if I ended up getting students from the day.

At about 2:15, I decided, screw it. I was gonna close my eyes for a nap. At 2:16, we were called to line up. I went in the first group to lead the exodus to the bathrooms.

Into court we filed. Each in our appropriate seats. The judge explained that they had been doing their work, figuring out who should be on the jury. There would be 12 and 1 alternate. Both men sitting next to me, along with myself were skipped.

Downstairs we again filed. An attorney, also not picked, asked if we had to keep calling in or be ready to be called in. He would be out of time for certain dates, could it be noted in his file. I added, since they didn't pick me this week, they shouldn't pick me for another decade. (If you are the primary caregiver for a juvenile under the age of 10, you are exempt.) My former student laughed and agreed that yes, I probably should be exempt at this time.

I had called my mother during lunch because I was quite amused at being called for duty. GET OUT OF IT. She had said. The truth is, even being ready to pop, there is no criminal lawyer in his/her right mind that wants me, a victim of a violent crime on their jury. So, I got to go through the process which was educational. I will get paid for me day, my milage and my parking. So, if nothing else the day wasn't that much of a waste. It was fun in a curious sort of way.

I did go to my folks afterwards since it was closer time distance then home would be. I took a long luxurious HOT shower and steamed up THEIR bathroom, using THEIR towel. When I dressed, I discovered that the shirt that I had pulled for work that used to cover my belly, no longer. And, I had forgotten a pair of socks. I would either teach in my sandals, sport sandals at least, or borrow a pair of socks and sweatshirt. Good ol' mom came through on both. So, off to work I went.

I was a bit tired. But heck, it would have been fun to be on a jury.

Day 2 of our RYC

2005-10-31T08:20:00.000-05:00

We had fewer students fencing on our second day.

The 10Epee had 3 entries, all my kids. Al, who won the 12E, was seeded 3rd after the pools. Devon, a first timer, beat Al. Devon has beaten Al at the club. Devon has nearly beaten Ben at the club. Devon has been fencing since Spring, and not too long ago, I changed him to epee only. And, I haven't looked back.

The DEs had Al, seeded 3rd against Devon. Al won. Then, Al vs Ben. Al won. Ben wasn't too happy. But, I think Al is a better epeeist then Ben. Shortly after the gold bout, a freelance writer for the local suburban papers came. He took a wonderful team photo of the three boys suited up. Fingers crossed.

On a saber note, Evan fenced his first event. He was in the mark to win a bout, only got scared at how hard some large hacker type was hitting him so he didn't get close enough to hit his opponent despite having right of way. Meanwhile, Kaylee had one loss in the same pool. She didn't think about results until she got into the DEs. A fellow who she had been able to handily beat she now forgot to fence. Go figure, she lost. Kaylee finished in the higher 3rd place position.

Kaylee then went into the foil totally flaky. She stopped having fun since she was too focused on winning rather then fencing. So, she worried about what her opponent would do rather then what she needed to do. Her first DE would be to move into the 16 over seed 17, Peter, another team first timer.

Peter, won his first bout in his pool. This would be his only victory against another fellow lefty. He would be the only one in the pool to beat this lefty. He would then do all the right thing, but miss his opponent giving them the touch with a counter attack. GRRRRRRRR

After Kaylee beat Peter in the DEs, her next opponent would be the fellow who had already won the 14Foil and would go on to win the 12Foil. She scored 3 touches in her pool against him, which was better then most had done.

In the end, we left the venue 1.5 hrs later then I had hoped. We had delayed the start of the 12 Foil since there was a nasty accident on the highway getting to the venue. We had at least 6 fencers caught. Then, one of the abnoxious coaches was complaining about the strongest ref. So instead of making 4 pools of 5 and 6, we had 3 pools of 7 which takes longer, and nothing was double strip so that someone could 'observe' this ref and make sure he was consistant with his calls for everyone not just one or another club.... yeah, right.

I also had an epiphany. Ok, I guess I'm a bit slow in realizing it. But, I didn't realize how much the evil one trains his fencers to be bullies on strip. Considering he is a bully, this shouldn't be so surprising. But his students, as people generally aren't as personalities. I like many of his kids. They are generally nice like their parents. Then I stopped to think of my own fencing as a kid. I was one of the UGLIEST, we are talking FUGLY-UGLY fencers. Why? All I would do is basically run at my opponent and hit them. If they parried, I was screwed. I didn't come back and parry myself. I was basically a mini bully myself. And, considering how little target I had, it was kinda scary having some cockroach coming kamikazi at you with a foil in hand.....

Well, that continues to make things a bit easier to beat up on his kids. I will be able to explain it better to them.

There is still major BS going on with the division. I getting tired of it. I'm hoping I've stirred the pot enough for 2 others to take over.

We'll see.

One final note, people from NY and PA who came for my RYC in mass went out of their way to say thank you to me for a well run event. I asked them to sent emails to the gal in charge of the Nation Youth committee telling her how wonderful my events are. This can only help make our event a Super next year. This would be a GREAT benefit to sooo many.

Again, we'll see.

RYC day 1

2005-10-30T07:40:00.000-05:00

Stats from first day:

total of 4 of my own students withdrawing due to sickness and such
1 gold in 12E
2 bronze in 10F
2 student not winning first DEs
7 students making top 8, including 3 first timers
1 exception compliment to Steph (and no other ref's) skills as a referee
36 people coming out to dinner with us representing 5 different fencing divisions
2 t-shirts from the T-shirt vendor for free
2 baby gifts from people outside of the state

So, in otherwords, it was a good day.

The fencing highlights for me are as follows:

My three strongest fencers for the day were Al, Ben and Jacob.

Al fenced in the Y12 epee. First time stepping up to the plate for the older event. The field was 6. There was really only one other person who looked like an epeeist, a fellow from an epee only club in the area. Al lost to one of the evil emporer's kids, because he choked and hadn't found his fencing rhythm. He beat the fencer who looked strongest from the epee club in the pools. In DEs, he won his first DE to make the final 4. His second DE was against the epeeist. His gold medal bout was against the evil one's fencer. As we waiting for his break time to be over, a reporter from a local paper showed looking for Al. So, it was doubly nice to have Al, the youngest in the field, handily take out the evil one's hacker with the local paper there watching. This was Al's first Gold achievement. He's consistantly been 2nd in the Youth Epee events. My only regret was that Al didn't hit the other real epeeist until the gold rather then the quarter final bout. But in the end, it was probably Al's fault for choking in the pools.

Ben and Al had ok showings in the Y10 Foil They ended up being double bronze like last year. However, both of them fenced better then they have. It was nice watching each of them slowly put the pieces of the puzzle together. Unfortunetly they don't have the physical development to do what their minds are thinking. Ben lost his DE to a Big Y10er from PA. This same fencer won the event and had not even made the final 8 last year at this event. Ben saluted politely, shook hands and wiped his eyes. I told him that he fenced well and hopefully his frustration will fuel him to fence harder. Al lost to a little lady who just had his number. Besides, the poor fellow was getting tired. Meanwhile, in the y10, Little Sarah couldn't hit the side of a barn. I think she's done too much saber. She was knocked out by teammate Alex who competed for the first time this weekend. Alex is now 7. He's been fencing for 2 years. Alex and Ethan were in the same pool together. Alex beat Ethan 5-4 in the pools. Both went on to win another bout in their pools to my great joy. Ethan is one of my emotional basket cases. He keeps having meltdown's at the club. I told him his mission was to NOT have a meltdown at the event. He didn't. Ethan like Alex won his first DE another pleasantly surprising event. Sarah finished DFL-11. Ethan 8, Alex 6.

In the 14 Foil, Kaylee had a meltdown before she got started. As she too often does, she put too much pressure on herself for results rather then enjoying the process. I found her a few times, but not until too much damage was done. I pulled her aside, sat her on my knee and asked if she was having fun. She first tried to lied, with tears threatening to fall, and then amended her responce. I told her to relax and focus on the process not the result. She lost her first DE 15-11. So, at least in the mark. She was relieved but still frustrated.

Jacob had a reasonably time. He was fencing decently for him. However, after making the final 8 he seemed to lose focus. He just couldn't find the timing to make the attack and instead was counter attacking. Wrong answer if you're gonna do foil.

I had one parent go out of her way to tell me how wonderful that female referee was. She meant Steph. I was told how consistant, accurate and good at describing the actions she was. Considering the angst Steph has had locally, it was really nice to be able to pass this on. This women also gave me, to my great surprise, a baby present.... I guess I am loved. ;-)

At a tournament a month ago, a coach - Hazem, former member of the Egyption National team, told me he wanted to do some sort of 'fancy' fencing camp. However, didn't have the local facilities and resourced to do it for his own kids. So, might I be able to do it, and might I have the facilities. We do have a hotel walking distance from the club, so yes, we might. We decided he would come 'tour' the club after dinner.

Dinner was wonderful madness. We took over this small momma/pappa place across the street from the club. The staff told me how much they were both ready to kill me and love me. By the time we would show, the place has a stead but slow trickly of people. Our people were the only one's waiting for a table. However it was definate choas seating us.

After dinner, people walked across the street and saw the club. Hazem was surprisingly impressed w/ our place. It's not grand. It's small and 'intimate'. He said it was like the clubs in Italy. Our strips are 3/4th length and width. Great for training, but not tournaments. It was strange watching Hazem's face glow at the place. I also told Hazem that I was concerned w/ hosting my camps while having the little one present. It wasn't gonna be easy. Since, I couldn't afford day care. He nodded in understanding. Hazem in a Dr in oncology. So, money isn't his issue. I'll talk to him today, day 2 of the event.

All in all, I'm feeling good about today. I'll need to make a proper press release again today for these results. Fingers crossed. The press release that I had initially sent was published verbatim in one paper and abbreviated in another. Hazem and his son, who won the y10 last year and won the y12 this year were featured.

More news later. Until then, may your touch be one light!

So, how do you feel?

2005-10-25T08:19:00.000-05:00

This, is the question people seem to most enjoy asking me. I guess it's a legitimate question. I haven't gone through this before. I don't plan to do it again. I have too many responsibilities to be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. (Ok, so the 'puter is in the kitchen and, yes, I am barefoot while typing. But that's another issue....) Bottem line is that this is too hard on my body to do again, considering what I do for a living. If we have a second child, (s)he will be adopted or fostered.

So, how do I feel? I have 5 weeks according to the drs. to finish incubating. My instincts say I have 4 weeks from yesterday. I'm finally starting to slow down. I guess my slowing down is also a relative term. Yesterday I did 3 lessons, with a small break in between. Then, right into a beginer youth class with a bunch of male creatures all trying to earn the right to be the official class clown. ( I did have one child who went out of his way to be helpful to his classmates. I told his mom later that he earned an 'A' in citizenship from me for his actions. She was quite pleased to hear this. And the child was definately beaming from the compliment to him in front of his mom.)

The club will be closed next Monday for Halloween. Nobody shows to fence for Halloween. We're a kid club, predominately. Historically, I've stood outside the club door giving out 3 Musketeer bars with flyers attached. I haven't gotten any business from it so screw it.

I think I will start limiting my day to 2 lessons + classes. It's about all the energy I have without killing myself by the end of the day. The beginner semester is into just fencing electric at this time. So, that makes teaching easier. I also have another helper. BILL. He's 15 and 6'5. Poor fella keeps knocking his head on stuff. Bill wants to go into education with younger age children. So, I suggested he get his hands wet at the club. His mom agreed. So, now he's coming to help with the kid classes. YEAH.

I will say that I am having issues getting going in the mornings. Then, keeping going. I'm definately tiring now. It's uncomfortable to go from sitting to standing. Everytime I do that, I feel like I need to pee, wether I really do or not. It's the pressure on my bladder. Truly, I would much rather sit in front of the TV with a glass of sweetened ice tea or cranberry juice and all sorts of snacks such as pizza or hummus or tuna salad, etc, and vedge for hours on end, incubating.

So, How do I feel? You ask. I'll tell you how I truly feel. I feel like a weeble. Remember, Weebles wobble but they don't fall down.

Fencing Catachism from a Nice Jewish Girl....

2005-10-23T07:51:00.000-05:00

In fencing we have what is called Right of Way. It is similar to having the right to cross a street. However in fencing you earn the right of way by making an attack. An attack is defined as an extending arm threatening target. Once an attack is made an opponent should acknowledge the attack and parry it.

If the opponent does not parry the threat of the initial attack, but attacks into the attack, we call the action a Counter attack.

If both the attack and counter attack land, the question is, who scores. Theoretically both fencer would be dead. However, the fencer who counter attacked did not acknowledge the initial attack, therefore commited suicide and is thus deader. Since, suicide is a sin, yes, that person is deader. The attacker scores against the counter attacker.

(They're dead Jim....)

Jewish perspective of Catholic wedding....

2005-10-17T00:15:00.000-05:00

Before I start my 'rant' I want to make it clear that my goal, despite what will probably come, is not to offend those of the Catholic/Christian perpective. But give a Jewish, maybe quite naive Jewish, perspective on a Catholic wedding.

I figured ObeeKris' wedding would be Catholic based. I wasn't sure if I remembered his bride to be Catholic. She is. It made things a bit easier for them.

So, my dearly beloved and I finally arrived to the ceremony after a few mishaps on the way. We sat up in the balcony for a higher perspective on things. Probably a good thing. We could whisper our comments to each other and have NO ONE around us to hear. This I would find out was a good thing since another Jewish gal, she was wearing a star of David, had done similarly but heard by those around her. Luckily, those listening were pagans and had similar opinion.

Now I figure, if you're going to a wedding, it's to celebrate the unity of the couple. Right? So, why is it that the Catholic or this Catholic wedding was all about giving Jesus, God, World peace, Famine, etc, etc your blessing? Heck, if I wanted to give my blessing to these worldly issues, I'ld talk to the red cross, don't you think? From the sounds of the ceremony, you'ld think the last thing you were there for was the couple. Not the otherway around. The other thing this Jewish gal said was that she was very uncomfortable about the responses that were being given by the audience when their was no prayer book or such. It was one of these, if you're one of us, you already know the secret hand shake. I figured since we got in late, we weren't given a program or such. Wrong!

The ceremony was 'only' an hour and a quarter. I understand that that is a 'short' ceremony for a 'proper' Catholic wedding. Our wedding ceremony lasted longer then I would have liked not including processional and recessional. I wanted a 15-20 min. bare minimal traditional ceremony. However, the rabbi we used was a Putz, yes with a capital P. But that's for another rant. Our ceremony took 30 mins. One could die of exposure in such time, not that it wasn't a beautiful day and all, however.... To me, a marriage ceremony should be short and sweet. Then again, there isn't much in a Jewish ceremony that isn't an excuse to eat. So the longer the ceremony, the longer one has to wait to eat. Wrong answer!

So on to the reception. Luckily for the 3 of us, (yes, the little one was being jumpy) there was fruit and cheese awaiting us. The bridal party, and you have to know ObeeKris and Co to appreciate this, entered to the following music:

Bridal partay - theme song from Animaniacs
Obee and Mrs Obee - theme song from Pinky and the Brain

One of the requested songs for the audiences' amusement, and Obee and Mrs Obee to dance to was the Masochist Tango.

I did discover that as rotund as I am, velour spandex is a pregnant gals fashion best friend. And, that pregnant women should not try doing the twist. However, Time warp works if you are careful. Don't get too enthusiastic about that pelvic thrust. It may be too late to drive you insane, but it could put you on your ass.

We ended up sitting with some SCA types. They were definately those who give SCA a good reputation rather then the bad one. (The bad ones seem to be the most prevalant in our area.) I gave one of them my card. Told him to email come summer. I would be interested in getting back into some heavy weapons work. However, not local. Once upon a time when I had been learning heavy, word came to me through the grapevine that there were a couple guys waiting for me to suit up to hurt me. I don't need that kinda bull shit. I pissed off too many in the light weapon group because I have greater inherent skills then most of them. I didn't need the heavy weapon fighters BS too.

So, all in all, it gave my hubby and I some down time to kinda work out the kinks. So, we 'kissed' and made up. He just had to readjust to being home after nearly 4 weeks.

Words to describe being pregnant

2005-10-15T08:47:00.000-05:00

When someone asks me how I feel being pregnant, my response is, "ROTUND". I'm getting frustrated with my belly being bumped because it's farther forward then I know my physical boundaries to typically be.

I'm slowing down. Our big regional youth cup is in 2 weeks. I may cut down on how many lessons I do. I'll be a month before due.

The things that I won't miss once I drop this kid:

Having a waistline! Not being a nerd and having to pull up my pants every few minutes.

Reminding myself that I probably shouldn't do something because it's too much of an exertion.

Being winded doing 1 flight of stairs.

Waiting for my husband to bring up the clean laundry from the basement.

Not being able to suit up w/ the big kids and fence foil or saber. (At this time I've only been getting on strip fencing epee because it's my least competitive weapon. However, I still get overly competitive the few times I've gotten on strip w/ my students. I got to say, it is 'fun' to rub in their faces the fact that they can't get away from a fat pregnant women.)

Not being able to lie on my back and read.

Back muscle spasms while sleeping, waking me up in the middle of the night. Almost like clock work I'm waking at 3:30 am. Someone suggested it's my body's way of preparing me for late night feedings.

Acid Reflux!!!!!!

Being creative to dress and not look like a fat pregnant women.

Drafts up my t-shirt at work constantly making me paranoid that my belly, which actually is covered by the length of my t-shirt, might not be covered and I would be dressed inappropriately for work. (Showing off ones fat pregnant belly while trying to coach is not a pretty sight.)

Trying to eat or sleep or read or play my horn or anything else while the little one is having a partay at my poor belly's expense. I swear it's something right out of Alien. The belly is morphing left, right, up, down and all around. You can see a little elbow, foot or head petruding. The next thing it feels like some Alien is about to pop out. It happens that the placenta is towards the back. This means, there is only belly, my belly between her and the outside world. If you push on the belly, I feel her in my other organs.

Not feeling just short, squat, rotund and pregnant!

Wondering who my little one will be.

Being able to hold her in my arms, and not have her kick to get their.

Finding out wether I will or won't be able to Breast feed.

Finding out how I'll be able to balance my first and second child, the club and this little one.

Next Sunday is my second shower. It will be nice to come together. We started the scrapbook for her at the first shower. It's really looking cool! Hopefully it will continue to be way cool.

On a side issue, on Thursday, after Yom Kippur services, your's truly doing the music on trombone and vocals, I went over to my folks. I asked if they wanted to hear my rendition of Kol Nidre which I had done for Erev Yom Kippur (The evening of Yom Kippur. Jewish holidays start at sunset of the day before.) So, dressed in a formal gown, spandex/velor is a pregnant girls best friend, I took off my shoes, put my trombone together. That is I was: Barefoot, Pregnant, In the Kitchen blowing my 'bone. Yes there are pictures.

Bad Sleep Karma

2005-10-14T14:37:00.000-05:00

I've not been sleeping well at night. Which on an average day isn't an issue since I can then roll over and catch up in the morning. The last two nights haven't been fun.

The other night, I woke with severe back muscles spasming between my shoulder blades in such a position, I couldn't do anything about it. Add to that the indigestion,.. YOW! In the morning, when my husband woke up, he hit some of the points and I went back to sleep. I slept QUITE soundly, considering I had been up since about 3 am and it was now 7:30 am.

Last night, I didn't get the muscle spasms. My husband was kind enough to work them out before they cramped on me due to the limited positions I can lay in. However, almost like clock work, the acid reflux woke me. The Roliads only did so much. I was able to go back to sleep by 5:30ish. However, I had wanted to get up at 8:30 for a 10:00 La Leche Meeting. My body rebelled against the alarm. I thought it was a scoring maching going off, and off, and OH NO, that's my watch!

Off to the shower, and out the door. I was running late. That shouldn't be an issue. These meetings run on baby time. So as I closed, more like slammed the door to the house, while in the garage, I realized something incredibly importantant. I didn't have my keys in my hand. I did, luckily have my cell phone. I called my husband and asked him to come home so I could get in the house. I know how to break in if the back porch door was open. But it wasn't.

My husband wasn't too happy, but he came home. Luckily he doesn't work too far away. I just sat there sadly waiting in the garage. He laughed at me and went back to work.

Ok, then to my meeting, hopefully. I was only going to be an hour late. Only to see a nasty traffic jab. So, I 4 wheeled across the grass to the off ramp rather then wait forever. Life was fine. I expected to get stuck in the mud, but didn't. I then expected to be hit by on coming traffic, considering my luck so far. But I didn't.

I did make part of the meeting which was useful. I've made some friends at the meetings. There is one women who has twins. Last meeting I asked if she wanted to share. She laughed and now I enjoy one as she deals with the other.

So, I guess my karma changed. However, after the meeting, I went to get ObeeKris' wedding present. I thought there was a Kaufmanns at one mall but it was at another. I was amused to see, (ObeeKris, if you are reading now and you're not married yet, stop now!!!!) that he and his fiance had chosen the same crystal pattern as we had only with gold trim. So with there being a sale, I got Obee and his bride theirs and bought two for ourselves to finish our set. I'm not telling my husband that I've done this. We'll just have 6 wine and 6 water goblets now, rather then 6 and 4.

Now, it's time for a nap before teaching at 5pm. I am still at a sleep deficit from last night.... So, good afternoon... snore... snore....

The end is coming into sight

2005-10-11T11:08:00.000-05:00

7 months down, 2 to go. If I could only translate that into yards... oh yeah, wrong sport.

I'm starting to physically slow down. Last night, my husband and I had a bit of a spat. It had nothing to do with us. Just the general situation which my husband finds himself in. My argument is that he doesn't take care of one fire at a time, thus leaving too many fires to battle at the same time. Then he complains that nothing is going his way and that I'm not being supportive. I explain that when ever I try to help he just pushes me away, so I can't help. And, then my personal strategy is to sit on the side lines and wait for him to sort it out.

However last night, because of my frustration with him, I went to bed and read earlier then I might have. I got a bit of a snack after getting home. However, not enough. Between my frustration with him, my frustration with my inability to be comfortable in bed for any period of time, and my indigestion and hypoglycemic condition I fell apart.

At 1 am, I had him make me pasta and tea as I felt miserable. Maybe it serves him right for not paying attention to me after having been gone on his own vacation for 3.5 weeks. GROWL!

Meanwhile, today is the first practice for my high school club. They are a great group. They are the school nerds and proud of it! I don't know what I'm doing adding more things to my schedule when I'm starting to slow down. But, it is what it is.

I also did get the college gig. I'll be the part time coach for a local college. If I can help make the program a varsity sport...

I also have our major youth tournament coming up. We have people coming from divisions that we have not seen before. Our tournament is growing in reputation as well as size. From a finacial point of view, this is well needed. From a coaching stand point, the kids will greatly benefit. I'm looking into making our regional cup into a super regional. The problem with it becoming a super is resources. I can probably find a facility. However, the national wants 24 strips. I have access to no grounded strips, only about 12 scoring systems, and the referees in the area who are quality are few. The last one can be dealt with the easiest. It's the rest of the resources that I'm concern about.

I also know that Char, my 'puter whiz, would be quite capable of running the event from the bout committee standpoint. However, considering how large the event would be, I would want at least 1 if not 2 other people on computer with her. Last year I ran our youth event on one day. She was ready to kill me with good reason. This year, it is a 2 day event again. However, if it becomes a Super Regional, all the events would at least double in size from what we currently see. And, last year we saw about 80 entries. This year we should again grow by 10%-ish.

Meanwhile, I sit, low in energy, incubating my little one. ugh! I feel like I'm now getting the morning sickness that I was able to avoid earlier.

I'm both scared shitless and confident. I'm looking forward to motherhood. However, I don't want to negatively effect my first born - my club. I'm not sure how my own husband will settle into things. On one hand, I know he is an eagle scout with all that implies. But on the other hand, he's but a kid as all guys are. As is my typical MO, I'll move forward doing what needs to be done. How much help I'll get? I don't know. How much help I'll need? Agian, I don't know. I can but hope I need less rather then more help. I hope I am capable.

Absessed? Maybe.

2005-09-30T10:47:00.000-05:00

The evil one is at it again. He wrote a letter to a HS group of coaches which I am part of. He included words like "F...king" and "sh..t" in his expression to object to a chat room that had been set up for us all. So, I replied.

My reply starte with some thing like, "Violence is the last resort of the incompetant" or should I say belligerant language is. I then went on to support his points, and yet 'prove' his incompetance in the process. I used him as an example of why he had some *cough* *cough* ligitamate complaints. He had stated at a board meeting last season that he did not recognize email as a ligitimate form of communications. Therefore, the board was asked to send his announcements via snailmail...

I showed his letter and my response to a few people. Those involved and knowledgeable about the local garbage politics were most amused at my implying his incompetance. I told someone this morning, she accused me of being absessed with the man. Maybe, I'll grant you.

This is a war that has been raging for nearly 3 decades now. It's one thing for his interfering with my making a livelyhood. It's another thing to piss my friends off so much they don't want to be involved. It's still another thing that he insists on bullying people to the point that he runs things the way he wants without care and concern for anyone else but his own people. I'm sick of it. I want to take him to court.

One response to my attorney was, "Ouch! I like the: violence is the last resort". The response from the person the letter was initially directed at indicated that any comments made were lost due to vulgarities. People who use this sort of vulgarity should not be working with students.

Maybe I am absessed. But he won't stop until he's hog tied. This is not a battle I'm walking away from anymore. That's what the evil one wants. I want him to stop. He will only stop when he sees the cost to continue his bullying ways. I'm going poaching. I want his gonads on my wall!

Respect and the Fencing coach

2005-09-29T23:03:00.000-05:00

I don't expect to close the club after I have my little one. I've got some students who will be covering, depending on the day. Alex and John are my students who have worked with me the longest. Both of them are seriously considering going into teaching as a profession. So, what better then get them a taste of it now at a place with a subject both know well.

Alex has been fencing with me since he was 10. He's now a freshman in college. I've known since the first day in my class that he was gay. Our friendship is such that we've been known to finish each others sentences. We also joke about the fact that he's more feminine then I'll ever be. He's quite comfortable w/ his gay-ness. And, more importantly comfortable with the acceptance from the team.

John, is now a HS Jr, age 16, ht 6'2. He started fencing with me when he was 5. John is consistantly top 4 in any local event he fences. He loves playing with the little guys. It's a chance to not grow up. When he was a kid, the team, esp the adults would joke about the fact that we were glad there was at least one adult in the room. And, glad it was John, not ourselves.

I've been slowly trying to hand off things to both guys while supervising. It's not an easy job. I'm realizing how easily coach comes to me. But even I had to 'learn' how to do things fluidly. Steph, one of our adults, will also be covering for me. Unlike the guys, she knows how to teach. However, she isn't as knowledgable about the sport as the guys are. The tough part for the guys is the translation of information to a new student. My instinct is that it takes about 5 years for a coach to really get their rhythm. I've seen it with other coaches who initially I didn't have that much respect for as a coach. However, after they got settled into the rhythm of the year/season, started to be a solid coach.

John is more comfortable teaching. Its easier for me to turn my back on him. John has a younger brother, one of the best ooopses his parents could have done for him. Besides, with over 7 yrs age difference, they had a built in babysitter. John even complained that his little brother will go play with his little friends and not always invite him to join them. He feels left out of playing. Go figure, he gets alot of babysitting money from the neighborhood.

So, after class this evening, I discussed his strengths and his weaknesses. If anything, he's taking too small a step with his students. He worked with two ladies one on one. He did a NICE job. He didn't emphasize what I would have prefered, but that was ok. He emphasized aspect that were important none the less.

On Monday, Rosh Hashona, I will not be at the club. I'm leaving it in Alex' hands. However, the Monday youth class is a handful. There are 3 boys who keep pushing the line. When Alex ran some footwork, they didn't focus that well. When I took over everyone's body language changed to more intensity. Alex will get into a funk and stay there. He will then bring it to everything he's doing. Wrong answer for a group of abnoxious boys.

I've asked John to assist Alex because of the discipline issue. John, being a good head taller then everyone is a much more intimidating figure. He also seems to handle abnoxiousness better then Alex.

So, I ask John why someone/student would respect a teacher/instructor? Why did he respect me or his parents or other teachers? And, why did he not respect them? In mentioning the teacher that didn't earn his respect he got a evil glint in his eye remembering, he would tell me, instigating the abnoxious behavior forementioned of this Monday class. I indicated that this was the reason I wanted him to help Alex. He told me he respected me or was occasionally 'intimidated' by me because he knew exactly where the line was and knew I would back up what I said. His parent because he trusted them, etc.

And, right on cue, one of the kids leaving was asked how practice was. There had been only 3 epeeist in. This same kid indicated that the other two had hogged the strip. I read those two the riot act. I told them in one of my more intimidating tones that they were to share strip time with teammates no matter what. If they couldn't, heads would roll. And, should this happen again, the fencer who didn't get enough time was to tell me. I would take care of things. The fencer grinned in victory to me. The culprits hung their heads in guilt. I would later find out that one challenged the other to a rematch. The third agreed to give up his strip time for this. I told the victory to wait for the rematch after they had had fair time. Not to step in. But, as I had figure, it was the complainer who had wanted a break.

However, it proved the point to John who was glad I wasn't directing my anger towards him... got to tell you, it's always amusing when a strong, fast, athletic male twice your height and weight, able to throw you, even pregnant across the room should he like is scared of you. Got to tell you it really is empowering.

High Holiday Honors....

2005-09-25T22:01:00.000-05:00

Today my Klezmer Orchestra had a concert at Workman Circle. Workman Circle is a non-profit commited to the preservation and education of Yiddish language and culture. Klezmer happens to be Yiddish music. I hadn't decided wether or not to play, since the last concert I died at the end due to the combination of heat and lack of air fatigue. Being ALOT more pregnant, I was being cautious. They had a seat for me to play up front, so I wouldn't have to play over everyone to be heard. For those who haven't been around much, I play trombone. In otherwords, I was the pregnant 'boner...

Anyway, amongst other people, I got talking to the current president of the local organization. (Workman Circle is a nationwide organization. Originally it was helpful in union representation as well as socialistic in it's politics. They kept a low profile during the McCarthy era.) I made a comment that I hadn't like the Rosh Hashonah service I had attended 2 years ago because it was too Unitarian and more importantly, the music SUCKED!!!!! (Rosh Hashonah is the Jewish New Year.) The music frequently was popping in a cd or tape of some artist's rendition of a given piece of music. And, it was in that authors vocal rang which meant nobody else could sing it.

El Presidente told me that he was looking for someone to take over the music for High Holidays. I was then informed that Kol Nidre (One of the most important pieces of music for Yom Kippur - the day of atonement,) was going to be a recording of some rabbi. BLETCH!!! Guess who is now going to be playing it live like it should be. Yup, yours truly. It's one of the greatest honors a musician can have. If you aren't familiar with the music, grab yourself a copy of " The Jazz Singer". I believe the first piece of music, an excerpt from the movie, is of Kol Nidre. The Jazz singer himself started as a Cantor for his temple. Oh MY GOSH, that's gonna be me in a few weeks on trombone.

When I told my mother she was a bit surprised. I explained that at Workman Circle half the audience is deaf so if I screw up they won't hear me. If you are under the age of 60, you are considered young. The audience will be over 40 and under 75 people, I would guestimate. But I can see the group getting bigger if they liven things up... that is if by livening things up the core of membership doesn't have a heart attack by the energy... Mom said that Kol Nidre should be played on cello. Trombone and cello have the same range but differing voices. Besides, in my bias opinion, a trombone can be more sorrowful.

So in addition to Kol Nidre on Yom Kippur eve, I was asked to liven up the current music selection for Rosh Hashonah and Yom Kippur day services. The son of the president is a brilliant piano player who doesn't read music. He knows cords, but otherwise plays by ear... ok, no he doesn't hit the keys with his ear.

So, into the main room I went and got him. We played though some of the music. We'll have another 'rehearsal' that morning. Service for Rosh Hashonah are at 10:30. We will meet to go over music at 9:00. This gives us about an hour before people start coming in.

Let me put things in perspective for the non-Jews reading. Playing for High Holidays is the equivalant of being music director for both Christmas and Easter Mass. Ok, so we are talking about a small gathering of Jews who aren't even at a temple but none the less, I'm so PSYCHED! ... ok and a bit scared to death of the honor.

Snippet of Local fencing history part Deux

2005-09-24T23:26:00.000-05:00

My boss called me into her office. I was a bit nervous, but had a good healthy open relation with her. Linda was head of the dance department. Despite having a neural degenerative condition, she could dance like nobody's business. She was my parent's age, and had energy that could make a hyper person like myself tired from watching. She too had similar respect for what I did and how I did it.

Linda asked if I was planning to leave the arts facility that we taught at. I reminded her that she would be the first person to know that it was time to move on to bigger and better grazing. She agreed that that was what she had believe of me. I asked her why?

Linda told me she had received letter with resume stating that the author had heard their was an opening at our facility for a fencing instructor. "Really, may I see the resume?" I asked.

She reached into one of the many piles of paper on her desk. There it was, Tom's resume. "Well if you have no plans to leave, I can file this." She ripped up the resume and smiled at me. "That was all I wanted to know." And I left her office.

I would eventually leave. I would also tell Linda months before what the plan was so they could adjust accordingly. I would do special programs for Linda after leaving.

A year or so later, Tom would call me out of the blue. He had never done that before. Tom had been the asst. coach for one of the local college varsity programs under the evil one. I had a student who had been on the team. She had reported that she was embarrassed for the treatment which Tom was given and took from the evil one. Tom was calling to tell me he had quit his position. "I'm proud of you son." I said in a joking imitation of a southern accent. I recognized that he was calling me was for a bit of reassurance.

Tom went on to say that he had done things against me that he wasn't proud of. I might not know about them, be he wanted to apologize for them.

I had heard through the grapevine that the evil one put Tom up to sending his resume to my former employer. It was believed that if another person was interested, any employer would take Tom or another instructor over me, since I was so poor an instructor.

I do not blame Tom. I do blame his lack of spine for falling into the stupidity of the Evil One's manipulations. It was the Evil One's idea, not Tom's. Besides, I knowing Tom, he gave himself enough of a guilt trip for this indiscretion without my help.

And people still wonder why I don't trust the motivations of these other coaches in town......

Local fencing history...

2005-09-24T09:36:00.000-05:00

Last night, I went out for some 'Female bonding' with Ginger, a fencer from another club who I've come to enjoy company with. Ginger recently got divorced. With my husband out of town, and her no longer having a husband, I asked if she wanted to do dinner and hang. That we did.

We had a delightful time being sisters of the sport. And, I was right in sensing she was a bit hungry for sisterly insight into life. And, yes, life, liberty and the pursuit of fencing were the topics at hand. However, it brought up some history for me. After explaining the fact that I had issues, personal issues now, with her coach. She would later apologize for her relation and friendship with him. I told her not to. Just because their was water under the bridge with he and I didn't mean I didn't recognize the value he was to others. Issues had become personal for me with him.

When I first started coaching in town, I became the second 'shop' in town. I was also the only women coaching in the state. Shortly after I set up shop, another coach, Tom, friend to the evil emporer set up shop about a half hour west of me. (The evil one's empire is about a half hour east of me. However, due to a river that splits the city people have a strange issue with crossing it. This is partially why I set up shop where I did. The lack of geographic competition.) With this third shop another coach, Rich, was brought out of retirement. All of us had fenced at the evil one's club when I had been a kid.

There was amicability between myself, Tom and Rich. If nothing else, there was comraderie with the angst towards the evil one. However that would also change.

There was a tournament which myself, Karla and another women wanted to fence in the men's events. The division policy at the time was as long as none of the competitors objected,co-ed was fine. Tom objected. Tom didn't like the idea of the women 'stealing' the men's trophies. Tom was afraid of either Karla if not myself with good reason. The women were invited to fencing in the pools but not the DE. Therefore, experience could be had but not results. As far as I was concerned, being the old dog of the sport that I was/am, this was masterbation. Experience wasn't what I wanted, it was challenge and results.

Karla's husband, Tim was my vice chair. As division chair at the time, I asked Tim to do research with the other clubs, create a committee to find a happy solution for the division. He said he would. The following meeting, which we held at the club so that people could fence before as well as after the meeting, he reported his 'findings'. He had talked to ALL the clubs and they agreed that solution X was good. I explained that we didn't like that solution. He said that he already knew that so it wasn't included in his ALL statement.... yup, our opinion was not important. Thus, the board voted to accepted solution X. I would pull Tim into my office for a private conversation. He would tell me that evening the ends justify the means. He didn't want to wait. He wanted a solution/policy now. And, in not so many words, screw me.

The next meeting I would have a letter from one of the other clubs stating that Tim did not represent their opinion on this issue since they didn't have one. And, if they did, it would not be solution X. Thus, another solution was found. All tournament hosts could have co-ed or not co-ed as long as they specified what formats were. Since it was recognized that some people did and some didn't like fencing the opposite sex. Therefore, all fencers would know in advance what was going on.

Meanwhile during this whole period of time, Rich and I would be emailing. Tim and many from his club who were getting involved with the organization were innocents to rules, regulations as well as structure. Instead of finding out how USFA wanted things done, they would create a new wheel. When I, an old senator/section chair would tell them how things worked and how they worked smoothly, they would po-po me. And, in time, rather then gently informing them, I would become a bit irate. Rich would tell me it's my own fault that no one listened to me. I wanted things done right. I was given little to no respect for my experience. Tim would later admit in his own way, he was doing it for the machiavelli thrill of power. Something I was accused of doing.

The communications between Rich and I would disintagrate. Everything and anything I wrote, would be taken out of context and twisted into something it wasn't and really couldn't be. I was now the enemy for trying to do what I believed was best for all not just my own students. I was also accused of being paranoid of other's intentions and being overly defensive towards these same people... go figure. Strangely, I have problems with people who lie to me.

I would bring Jr. Olympics into town. This would cause the beginning of healing. Tim and I would kiss and make up. I told him when he gave me a pseudo apology, the best I could expect that I didn't trust him. He told me he didn't blame me but would get out of my way, and let me do my thing.

I brought the event into town to help many, esp my own student. We as a division would get double qualifiers, and many who couldn't afford to travel, could wake up in their own beds. If there was any reason to do this, my motivation was achievement, and money... ok, money wasn't that big a deal if you look at the accounting compared to the energy put out.

My students did benefit from the experience. Many who could not fence had the opportunity to buy equipment as well as see a better quality of fencing up close and personal then they would normally see. The division would see GOOD directing another thing lacking from the local environment.

There would be a local event the following weekend. I had gotten so 'jealous' of my students being able to fence at Jr. Olympics, I needed a fix. Considering how tired, rusty and out of fencing shape I was, I did well. I would barely win my pool. I would finish up 3rd overall with a wonderfully enjoyable defeat to the 1st place finisher, Tulleners the left.

In my first DE, I would hit Ben. Ben, a student of Tom's had not only grown into a tall and graceful teen, but his skills had sharpened. The score should have been 3-2 Ben. However, the referee was paying attention to the action and the scorekeeper his girlfriend, now wife, missed my second touch. The score would be announced as 3-1. Rich was watching. When I argued this, Ben, I believe honestly didn't know. Rich never spoke up. I would beat Ben only because he would emotionally implode on himself. He finally got intimidated by my reputation, and in my opinion not my skill. He was fencing well. And, had he kept it up, I believe he should have/could have beaten me.

I would then walk through another 'old dog' of the sport. Relu and I discussed the bout afterwards in a friendly, comradarie manner. Rich would then come up to me, while in conversation with Relu. He would tell me how glad he was that I had brought Jr. Olympic to town.... blah, blah, blah. My claws were coming out. I kept them hidden, not an easy thing at that moment of rising bile. I told him thank you for his 'support'. (He never came and lent a finger to the organization. He never offered any help. He showed up at Jr. Olympics and flaunted his importance to his people and left. He never said boo to any of us busting our arses off during the event.) I then got back into the fun discussion I was having with Relu and ignored his present without being too disrespectful. I didn't want to talk to the man. He saw the bout with Ben. He knew the honest score.

I would later talk with Tulleners the left. He would tell me that Rich knew that score was truly 3-2, not 3-1 as was recorded on the score sheet. However, Rich didn't want to 'interfere' with the bout. Passive agression if you ask me. I blew it. Had I been in Rich's shoes, I would have corrected the score against my student because it was the honest, truthful thing to do. I've done it before both as a competitor correcting a refs awarding a touch against me rather then for me to anulling floor touches my student was getting credit for. But not Rich. He didn't want to interfere....

Rich has come up to talk to me since that time. However, I find that he keeps twisting the direction of the conversation to make him the papa, the all knowing father knows best. I don't buy it. Rich, like Ginger is my peer. Rich is closer to my age then Ginger is. If you look at Rich's vs my fencing credentials, I've gone farther and done more then he has. Yet, he insists that he knows better then me. I would agree he has differing insites into life and fencing. As a women, I've been forced into a differing view point. Being a barely over 5 ft women compared to his over 6ft male, again, we have differing insites. Neither better or worse. Neither greater or lessor. Simply differant and more or less appropriate then the other depending on the situation.

The bottem line to my problem with Rich is that he doesn't respect me as an adult, as a peer. I have no tolerance for this.

Ginger made a point that she didn't like dealing with the church any more. Her problem being she's got a low enough self esteem without the church telling her she's a child. To me, this is what Rich does. He does it in a 'loving' manner to his flock. But, I grew up Jewish. I don't take to this very well. I've always felt a cultural difference in the way my 'logic tree' dealt with the world then say Rich or Tim or such. Ginger's comment puts things a bit sharper. Besides, a Jewish community is more Maternal then Paternal when you come down to things.

Nope, I don't know my place by a 'Church' structure of society. I don't believe in a hierachy. I believe in achievement. I believe in going where one wants to go to do and achieve what they want to achieve. I don't believe in the insecurities of peer pressure. For this, I don't know my place. And, I'm proud of it!

When did I get so lucky?

2005-09-22T10:33:00.000-05:00

Each day it gets harder for me. Yesterday, a Wensday, I started with individual lessons at 3:30. I had a cancelation. However, I hadn't rescheduled a lesson at 6pm, a time slot that would be taken up by the new beginner class.

At 7pm, after the beginner class had concluded, I was beat. I sat at my 'throne' watching the gang, munching on lunch which had been interupted by work. A few more calories did help my situation. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep up this pace.

According to my typical scheduling, things start to slow a bit come fall... yeah right. Not this fall. Not only will my HS program begin. They finally sent me a contract which has been signed. I got a call from a homeschool group interested in PE classes in Fencing. I've been trying to court some of the homeschool groups. The problem is they generally have no money. However, I can give them good bang for their buck if they want. Who knows, maybe I get get them to come in 2x a week.

I'm excited to be at the local college this weekend. I can but hope it works out. Fingers crossed! The gang is being GREAT about my limited energy. They are picking things up for me so I don't have to lean over. They are not bothered by coming to me rather then my coming to them for assistance. Then again, I am blessed with some of the greatest people as students and friends.... when did I get this lucky?

I'm keeping myself buzy with my husband gone. I miss having a warm body to curl up with at night. I don't want to go to bed because he's not there. I am being a terribly brat. Ok, the truth is I'm lonely and miss him terribly. I have 2 more weeks before I pick him up from the airport. He said he shipped me something from AZ, probably some native jewelry like I requested he search for. In his travels he will have cycled past a collection of reservations. He said they didn't look like much other then arid AZ desert. Then again, he was too busy trying to get to the next stop as one of the first to get there. Don't ask why. It's just who he is.

On some ways, I'm keeping myself too busy. Or, maybe it's just that I have a limit to what energies I can burn. This weekend I walked a jillion miles, really! On Sat. a friend and I walked an entire outlet mall. I was beat. I did find myself a PURPLE leather coat for $20. It's BEAUTIFUL. The draw back is that I can't zip it until I drop a kid. It is the type of jacket you dress a pair of jeans with. So, I have inpiration to lose the weight, swiftly.

On Sunday a group of us fencer types headed out to a state RenFaire. It wasn't as enjoyable as I had hoped. It wasn't as big as I had remembered. And, the gang that I was with didn't want to see the shows I wanted to see. However, the 'low' point of the day was when the group of us were sitting and relaxing, something I was doing at regular intervals, and a dude in a fur skirt comes near our group. He says that he needs to tie his shows real loud and blatently. He then bends over showing us his back side. A comment to wiggle his behind is made. He does this. Only his elephant truck came out of seclusion.... YUCK!!!!! We had two teenage girls, daughter of Char with us. We were in tears. It was a nightmare come true!!!! We definately laughed/cried about it on the ride home... When did I get so lucky?

Break throughs

2005-09-17T09:09:00.000-05:00

Fridays are my 'quieter' days. On Fridays, I currently go to the home of a family that lives nearby and give private lessons to the two kids, ages 9 and 12. The house these people live in has 40 acres, two horses, a pool, tennis court, basketball court, cottage house, a full time live in grounds keeper,.... when I first pulled in the drive to this country home, I rang the bell and asked if their was a room for the weekend. It's HUGE. It's also gorgeous. However, the kids, if you didn't know better, are the kids nextdoor, not the kids with exchangable golden spoons in their mouths.

Thomas is your typical 12 year cerebral kid, that would totally ignore things artistic if mom didn't force him to be creative. Lisa, is a loving, quiet little sister how hides behind the achievements of those around her. When I walked into the house this Friday, there was a large pad, one you might find in a classroom with Pi, written out to over a hundred digits. Both children were memorizing the number for a contest in March, that is 3/14. Being the nerd that I am, I have the number memorized to 15 digits. It was nice to confirm that after all these years I was still correct. These kids had over 45 digits memorized and planned to have 314 by 3/14.

Mom is a wonderfully colorful historic type. She knows her philosophy, compartitive religion as well as politics. Her father wrote one or another book that I used as a text book in college. Dad is the CEO for a 200 corp in town. So, go figure, they are both incredibly connected but the whole household is incredibly grounded.

So, I'm working with the son. Today's lesson is a beat attack. I start by having close his eyes and feeling with his fingers, what is going on. When he opens his eyes, the skills that he has managed so briliantly go to hell in a handbasket instantly. I tell him to close his eyes again. While I believe his eyes are close, I move. He lunges without a tactic cue. I know he has 'cheated'. "But don't I need to see what I am doing while fencing?" he asks. "Yes, however your eyes are interfering with your trust of your body. We need to train you body to over ride your vision." So again, I command him to close his eyes as we practice these skills. When I tell him again to open his eyes, I direct his eyes to my chest ONLY. Do not look at your hand. Watch only the target. Slowly, his skills return with his eyes open. Slowly he again showes perfection in his skills. He is amazed. Me? I'm laughing like Gandalf at the innocent discover of a Hobbit for the first time.

It is now Lisa's turn. She is a quiet cerebral one who is much more in touch with her emotions. She can feel. In some ways, she feels too much. It is epee that fits her personality better the foil we have discovered. The drill is that I make an attack and she counter attacks hitting me first. I attack and she pulls away. It takes her a while to again find her courage to do the right thing. I ask her to take her mask off. "Are there people in your class who are mean to you?" She agrees as all elementary school children will. The discussion concludes with her agreeing that she runs from class bullies that only insist on pestering her more since they are getting the satisfaction of controling her. So, I tell her that she can take control by letting someone else think they are in control. It's called the counter attack in fencing. With the conclusion of our lesson in 'courage' on strip, I ask her, "What will you do when you brother nor parents are around the defend you? Will you have the courage to defend yourself?" She gives me her nervous look of concern without an answer. "If I am not for myself, who will be? If I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when? -Maimonidies" I tell her. "If there is one thing you learn from fencing is courage, its worth every moment that you play."

A college program... maybe.

2005-09-14T23:34:00.000-05:00

I received an email a few weeks ago stating that one of the local colleges that had had a varsity program, was interested in a part time coach. They lost their varsity status 2 seasons ago. However, now, it looks like they may have multiple rated fencers at the school. I am one of the few area coaches who seems truly interested in running the program for peanuts.

They are offering a stipend of about $200 which pays for about 5 hrs of my coaching, which would come out to barely 3 practices. However, they would like to get their NCAA varsity status back. If they should do that, their coach would be given a 'real' wage, by coaching standards. As a kid, I trained with many in the varsity program. They were my big brothers and sisters. I attended an occasional practice of theirs. I have a strong kinship to the program and felt hurt when the program lost varsity status.

The school is not known for it's sports. It's known for it's engineering programs as well as it's medical and law programs. There are liberal arts majors but they are considered nerds by the nerdie student body. This is a student body that I can truly get alone with!

So, this evening a club representative, who fenced for one of the well organized HS programs in the state called me to set up an 'interview' practice with the team. We talked for over an hour via phone. I asked who else were they talking to. They had been in contact w/ Tom who teaches the PE class. However, Tom seems to have faded from sight. Some of them were trying to court Walt, who has a real job while running his own program twice a week at a local church. So, ultimately, I doubt Walt will have time. Or, if Walt can find the time once a week, he would not have the time or energy to work towards a varsity program.

I've always said that if I were to run a collegiate program, I would want it to be this college. The kids are a different class of nerd, my kind of people.

My plan:
1) get the club program up and running.
2) get those who have experience to compete at USFA events and get the college name out there.
3) hopefully because of results, the administration will appreciate the free PR the students are getting the school and support the program, thus returning the varsity program.

I'm psyched. There is a good chance I've got the job. Ok, I'll be paid for volunteering. However, it's an investment in my career. Who knows, I might be able to get credit towards free tuition for either myself or my husband. Hmmmm. Hadn't thought of that until now.

My coach, Maestro died in the early '90s. He was then replaced by another teammate, Herb, who just died this past May. It would be a great honor to follow in both men's footsteps. Ironically, I've followed in the footsteps of a former teammate from this college who is in their hall of fame. Frank had been section chair for at least a decade prior to my taking over. He was the last chair before myself of note. The others held the position for a year or two but never really did much with the position like Frank and I had.

I'm hoping that assuming I really do have the position, I can get Frank's help in getting the team back to Varsity.

Another thing the college fencer and I talked about was getting a van from the intramural department head. That would help getting the team to and fro one or another USFA event.

The big issue for me would be to balance this with everything else including the little one. If I can get them to have Friday afternoon practices....

Being a college varsity coach would be the final 'prize' in my career. I need to go make my prayers to the great Gods of Fencing. Wish me luck. Or should I simply ask for one light, mine to be on!

Teammate

2005-09-11T09:35:00.000-05:00

I dropped my husband off at the airport yesterday at 5:30 am. I have been somewhat dreading his leaving. I've know that this was inevitable since we decided he would do this trip. He was getting on a plane for San Diego. I will see him again in shy of 4 weeks when he flies home from Charleston. He will be traveling the entire distance via bicycle. This is a trip he has wanted to do for many years. He also needed to do this trip before we have the kid. Little did I know when we agreed he would do this trip that I would be pregnant when he left.

We had some good conversation on Friday, our last dinner together for about a month. He admitted he felt a bit guilty going without me. Initially I was to take my own vacation this summer. However, being pregnant did not inspire me to take any of the trips I would have like to have taken, let alone without him. We discussed how the last vacation he/we took was our honeymoon 2 years ago. I told him he better come back relaxed and refreshed otherwise I was gonna kill him!!!!

We discussed how we haven't really worked as a team, because he's been too stressed out over work and getting ready for this ride. I mentioned that the reason I married him is because we do work well together. Our basic strengths make good compliments. And, he owed me 2-4 camping weekends next summer w/ the kid.

We discussed what drives us both; achievement. Neither of us are into things for the power or control. I've been known to take things over just to see that they got done properly. My husband has been frustrated over the organization of a joint venture he's worked on. He was again interviewed for the controller position by his boss. (Someone else had been in charge of choosing. They quit before anything was done.) Why does he want it? Well the money would be good. As an accountant, he measures his worth in dollars. More importantly, he hates having people do piss poor quality work, even if his name isn't on it. So, he wants to be in charge to make sure it gets done right! He's perfectly happy working under someone as long as they are doing a good job. He really can make as good a soldier as well as leader.

On the drive home, I decided to think of all things that I would not miss of his being gone:

The toilet lids being left down so in the dark, I might sit on the lid rather then the seat. (I'm blind without my glasses. And, pregnant women usually have to pee in the middle of the night, religiously.)

Red dust from his shaving left all over the sink with the dregs from his brushing his teeth.

Extra dishes to be washed that I didn't see used.

Having to readjust the shower to spray from the shower head not the tub. (He always turns it down when he's done. I leave it up.)

Then as I was thinking through the list, I realized, these little annoyances reassure me he is there even when I don't see him all day. These little signs of his existance I won't see for too many weeks. This only started to bum me out more.

So at that point I tried to think of the things I would want to change of him. Ok, this is potentially not a healthy thought process, but lets see. If nothing else, it would confirm that this friendship would last the distance....

so I thought.....
and thought.....

the one thing I did came up with was more sleep. I would change how many hours of sleep he got in a given night or week. Why? The only time we butt heads is when one of us, usually him, hasn't had enough sleep and therefore we're grumpy. Generally, I can sleep in mornings. So, as long as I'm not in camp or some such, I get enough sleep regularly. My husband has been soooooo stressed about deadlines, he doesn't sleep. Then, he picks an unnecessary fight with me over something that we don't have to fight about to get done....

The other thing to change???.... hmmm, that's a hard one....

probably having more time together to goof off and unwind together.

I guess if these are the things to be changed, hopefully some of them will be partially if nothing else solved by my husband going on this trip.

I already miss him. It's just been over 24 hours. I've set up my own personal 'camp' type fun for the weekend. I spent yesterday doing some beadwork while watching one of my favorite former TV series, Babylon 5. B5 is not something my husband really likes. Ok, he doesn't dislike it. But it's a bit too geeky even for him. And, I just bought the entire 4th seasons on DVD. So I have complete 1,2,3,4 and most of 5 seasons. Can you say GEEK!

I'm chillin, being lazy, enjoying myself, and most importanly, being a spoiled brat to comfort my temporary loss. I'll go out to see one of my favorite bands on Tuesday after practice with Steph. I haven't heard them since before we got married. Tuesday is Big Band, the best in town and to die for Chicken Paprikash at this place!!!! And this bar is not that smoky esp. considering it's an older crowd. Smoky places are not wise for very pregnant women. (I had to be pregnant while the cat was away...)

So, that's my tale of woe. I'll be fine. I know that. I just miss my teammate.

Laboring weekend

2005-09-07T07:23:00.000-05:00

What can I say? It's been a week. That is one hell of of a hurricane of a week.

I have to make a comment on Katrina. First off, if I have't said it before, the little one's first name will NOT be Katrina. She'll be enough of a hellfire without the help of a name. I've called Baton Rouge fencers and they are ok other then a bit wet. They will probably host the Crescent City Open for the NO fencers. My cousins that live in NO evacuated to Baton Rouge, and from there continued moving away. So that was good news. There will be a couple hundred citizens from NO who will be relocated here, as I hope, suspect other cities around the country. I can't believe that the US can be so helpful in Indonesia and such, but can't help their own people as effectively. I understand that Gore had a team of medical help that was turned away because he hadn't gotten the correct approval first.... sounds like a good reason to impeach the president for incompetance when all is said and done... but you know that's not gonna happen.

On a differing note, this weekend we worked a local renfaire. I had one of my students create an outfit that I could wear in my rotund status. Another clothier told me later that I had inspired her to start designing a line of maternitily ren clothes.

We did something different than we've done in the past. We gave our intro lesson, suited patrons up and then pinned balloons to their chest were they would 'KILL THE BALLOON' in a mock duel to balloon death. I didn't know if people would pay to do this. They did. The cost, $3 for one or $5 for two of you to fence each other. We broke even by the end of the first day.

The kids were WONDERFUL! On Sat. near the end of the day, I sat down and announced that I was done. My belly ached in addition to the normal end of the day aches. The kids were great at being my arms and legs. Due to fatigue/heat I frequently had trouble finishing my sentences and they did it for me to clearify what needed to be done. Sure enough, we were packed up and ready to leave 15 minutes after the fair closed for the day.

Yes, I was truly exhausted each day. I paced myself better the following two. I believe that since people put money where their mouth was, they got greater enjoyment from our booth. I also believe that since we gave them a specific goal, popping balloons, the experience was also more meaningful. I sense we'll get more sign-ups then we normally get from this fair. If a patron popped both their opponent's balloons without any of their's being popped, they would get a price of either a light up plastic sword, or a 50% off intro membership. I suspect that too will bring in new members. And, we very much need to build the club up again.

The older one gets the harder/longer it takes to recover. The more pregnant I get the more difficult recover is. I'm ok, don't get me wrong. I'm just still very tired from the weekend. I suspect that will last until next Monday.

Grumpy, Grumpy, Grumpy!!!!!

2005-08-31T22:51:00.000-05:00

I both feel like biting someone's head off as well as crawling into a corner away from everything. Knowing me, biting someone's head off is more likely.

I feel big, bloated and uncomfortable. Everything I eat gives me incredibly discomforting gas. I belch. I fart. I still get little relief. I'm getting tired of pulling up my pants up every few minutes because I have no waist to hold them up. I swear, when I'm done being pregnant, I will NEVER be fat. Not to say I was before getting pregnant, however, none the less....

My husband is starting to stress over leaving to cycle cross country. He's getting frustrated with his feet, his bicycle, work, the future, you name it. He's good at getting frustrated with it. Sometimes I wonder if I was this difficult in my younger days. This would be a good reason people kept a certain distance from me. However the big difference between my husband and I, is that I generally don't get bend out of shape over things that I wasn't initially bent out of shape for when I'm already frustated with the world....

I wouldn't be surprised if part of my general greater discomfort had to do with the barometric changes due to Katrina. I was able to get thru to my buddy Ben from Baton Rouge, the former fencing coach from LSU, now in his own club w/ LSU fencers. (The school has no facilities for them on campus.) Ben said the he and his were doing fine for all due purpose. I had been a bit concern. I new he was probably ok. However, I wanted to make sure. He was complaining about dental problems that his dentist said probably were exaserbated by the barometric pressure changes. Who knows, I may be in the same pot.

I'm frustrated because I can't pay the rent at the club right now. I looked at what money should be coming in between now and a week from now, and I still can't cover the rent. Summer camps were good. However, evening programs have been lite at best. My beginner semester sign-ups have been abysmal for the past two semesters. I think things are picking up. However, I can't count my chickens....

My husband hasn't been much support. Both of us have our priorities, and we haven't been taking care of each other as much as would be nice. Summer is always insane for me. And, with his trip, he's got even less time to keep his head on straight. It's not worth the fight.

Fight. A word I once seemed to live for. A word, that seems to be a bit foreign now. I have pasted the apex of my fight. I've gotten where I think I wanted to be and don't have to fight to get here. Question is, do I need to fight to stay here and is it worth the fight? My fear? I'll lose everything at the club I've fought to gain. I worry that the little one will distract me enough so I won't grow the club as necassary to keep it finacially viable. I fear I won't be able to balance the little one and the club. I fear....

Maybe that is why I feel like biting someone's head off.

It's late. My husband is in bed. He needs his sleep badly. When he doesn't sleep he picks fights unnecassarily. Luckily for us, I recognize this and tell him to stop being irrational. He doesn't always stop being irrational, but he does think about wether or not he might be irrational. We both sleep on it and in the morning the issue is gone even though the bruises may still being there healing.

I'm also stressed because we are running a booth for profit at a renfaire this weekend. We've never done it this way. I don't know if we'll lose money or not. I do expect to help promote the club. I wonder if our numbers were done because we weren't at the renfaire last year. Why weren't we there? Because of assumptions made by the organizers over a conversation we never had. Had they called me and asked me, the answer would have been yes. However they didn't call me, and therefore there was no answer. Got to love it. Then again, SCA and Dagirhir have pulled out of the faire because they don't like the fact that the organizers treat them like trash. Yes, the organizers are pains in the arses!!! They assume all sorts of things without conversations. I think it's better that we have our own both, have nothing to do with the running of the event and keep to our self.

One of my students made a special outfit for me so I have something to wear over my big belly. It doesn't help that I'm so short and short waisted. The little one only has one way to go...forward. Add my indigestion, and there is no room in bed for anyone but us.

The outfit has a tie so I should be able to adjust it for next season, I hope. It's way cool. It's a RED cotten with a scalluped design, looking feathery in texture. There is trim that gives it a flapper feel, with a fantasy/ren quality to the whole thing. Luckily for us, the weather is supposed to be QUITE mild. Sat. should be in the low 70s. Sun. upper 70s. And Mon might get into the low 80s. I may be able to live through this all.

My bestfriend from HS was supposed to come in yesterday. However, as is typical of her, she's planning on coming in tomorrow. I have things that I need to get done. I very much want/need to visit. We haven't had time to do serious female bonding since before our wedding. And, we've been married for over 2 yrs now. This could also be contributing to my being a bit off kilter spiritually.

I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that I have all sorts of funky hormones in my body and all I want to do is sit on the coach all day eating bonbons. Fat chance of that happening.

Maybe if I could just have a tantrum I would feel better. hmmmmmm, now that's a thought!

Little girls

2005-08-24T10:45:00.000-05:00

The other day, a parent came in to register her child for my 5-7 yr old class. Mom had brought little sister who really wasn't that little. Little sister was a 3 year old, I thought initially was a 5 year old. Little sister was being your typical bored and curious little person looking for something to do while trying to be relatively patient, ok, 3 year old patient while mom did what mom needed to do.

Recognizing these symptoms, I told the girl to run to the end of the club, multiple times. We created a game of it while mom and I conferanced.

Due to the creative nature of our neighborhood, I don't like having any of the kids walk out of the club without supervision. Between bicycle traffic and people on the county website, better safe then sorry. (The police station being located nextdoor doesn't seem to help the natives who are always restless.) So, I explained to the girl that she wasn't allowed past a certain line on the door frame for her own safety. Mom was concerned that she would dash out into traffic. I know that should she move towards traffic, we would have had plenty of time to grab her first. Mom's choice of safety was to physically get in the girls way. Mine was to explain that she wasn't being nice by seeing how far mom would let her go. Strangely, the little girl listened to me over mom.

Next thing I know, this child has curled up in my lap and has her head on my chest. I melted. I just melted and hugged her right back. I looked at mom and said that I get my own to do this with in a few more months. Mom smiled with understanding.

The joy of having a little one of my own to curl up in my lap and just hug tenderly is a dream that floats around my head now. I know I will have to 'train' my husband to do the same with the little one. I'm glad it's a little girl. They are much more on huggable on average for a much longer time of their young lives then little boys. Yes, I little boy can be huggable, but they need to exert their testosterone sooner. Some argue that girls can be much more difficult through their teenage years. With my students, I've found the bigger issues for me to deal with are the boys who grow 6 inches in 1 year. The girls, we just butt heads and then let bygones be bygones. Besides, I understand the female condition much easier then the male.

I know I'll be a good mom. I've made all my mistakes on everyone else's kids. My students have trained me. The question is, will my students be good big brothers and sisters for the little one.

Rasul

2005-08-23T09:49:00.000-05:00

Rasul walked into our club about 2 years ago. He said that he had once fenced with the now late Alex Rubins at the local community college. I had met many of Alex's 'strays' over the years. I had some of his former fencers even recognize me from one or another photo from a tournament held when I was in HS. I didn't recognize Rasul's face. But I did recognize his personality and style of fencing.

I liked Rasul when I had met him as a kid. He was a real character. Good natured, potentially real competitive in a friendly manner, inner city kid about to go bad gone good. His story was one of pulling themselves up by the bootstrap. He had gone into service rather then stay on the streets and do time for a real anti-social act rather then just stupid childish choices in his own words. Rasul had a heart of gold under that inner city growl.

I hadn't seen Rasul for a long while. He finally stopped in after many weeks having disappeared. He had lost much weight. He had been gone undergoing chemotherepy for the stomach cancer that had come back after a few years. This was last fall, during the same time that Ray, Christian, and my cousin died. I was very nervous he would be next. And, of the group, the one truly closest to my daily existance.

Rasul stopped by the club this past June during one of my beginner camps. A man normally weighing nearly 200 pds didn't look like himself. He weighted less then I would normally. His face was sunken in. His body hunched. His normally dark skin, ashen gray. When I gave him a hug, I could feel every rib in his back. He had asked if I had any cash to spare. I gave him my $20 knowing full well I would not see it. He needed cash. He was on the government dole having been released from the army due to sever frostbite of the feet. He had little formal education, even though he was still, at the age of 60+ working on a degree at the local community college. Employment had been difficult for this older black man due to his lack of resume if nothing else. Twenty dollars was the least I could give to this man who had never asked for anything of the sort before. It wasn't that he was too proud. It was that he wanted so hard to be self-sufficient. Sometimes he would negotiate extra time to pay, but he would always pay for what he did.

After seeing him that morning, he 'donated' all his equipment to the club stating he wouldn't need it for awhile, I got the gang together to send him a 4 page letter of pictures and comments. Again, this was late June.

Yesterday, that letter, that 4 page letter of fun, smiles and team love came back to the club. It was marked, person had moved no forwarding address. My heart sunk. I had been calling his phone. Last time I did, his voice mail was full. I did it agian today. The number is being checked. His pager number doesn't work. At the suggestion of another student, I went online and checked local obits. Nothing. No sign.

I can't prove anything yet. But, unfortunetly, I think it's too late. It's not my fault that I haven't found him. I don't think he wanted to bother anyone with his problems. I think he didn't feel we would come for him. Despite telling him I would if nothing else. I know some of the kids are hurt from the knowledge that they probably won't see Rasul again.

I told the gang that the signs didn't look good. I don't know for sure, but I don't think we'll ever see the man again. However, when I suggested people fence for results in Rasul's honor, there was a unanamous agreement.

I am angry with Rasul for not letting me say a proper goodbye. I had asked him to let me be there and help him. He agreed verbally, but I also think he wanted to be alone as he'd been so much of his life.

I've missed his good spirited nature. I've missed his old man wisdom from the streets. I've missed his talking competitive dirt in a loving manner to the kids.

Rasul is the first of my students I belive to have lost to death. I know he won't be the last. But none the less it hurts. Rasul was not a young man, nor was he old. His spirit was that of a pixie in all it's honesty, integrity and playfulness. He, like so many of us, never grew up. Then agian, that was part of the joy of being with that child.

Rasul, I shed a tear of remembrance for you. May you always laugh where ever you are and where ever you go. My Allah keep your spirit happy.

Another day in the division

2005-08-08T11:31:00.000-05:00

Last night we had a division board meeting. The evil one is officially division chair. The votes for all the positions were read. Go figure, if the former chair hadn't resigned before the count, he would have won.

Half the board now consists of the evil one's people. Then agian, those that represent him, are reasonable people. I have a new plan of attack. My plan, to be nice, pleasant, personable to everyone on the board, and esp. from the evil one's club. This behavior infuriates him. The new bout commitee chair is originally from Canada. She never really fenced here in the states. This is why she wasn't on my fencing radar. However, she and I were able to do the 'female bonding' conversations after the meeting, laughing about one quip or another. When the evil one came past us during our fun, he looked pained watching. It's not the first time he's been pained about my being pleasant w/ his people.

During the meeting, while I was talking, the evil one started to interupt me. One of his people told him to let me finish. Things were gonna be good if his people were pulling the leash.

He did make a personal attack at me. The same man who pulled his leash earlier jumped on him. I also made a retort which was also jumped on.

I asked if we would have grounded strips for JO quals. The evil one replied as if I had attacked him. My responce, "If you think asking about grounded strips is an attack on you, that's your problem."

It was interesting what both was and wasn't said by the evil one. Do I trust him? Absolutely yes. I trust him to manipulate the situation to his benefit.

The former chair pointed out to me that the opinion of the evil one was not going to change. It's not the evil one's opinion that I care to change. It's those around him. If I can manage to have the evil one show his ugly side to his students and the parents of his students, they will in time turn against his stupid opinions. He was already singing new songs at the meeting. He was no longer trying to attack Roach for 'atrocities' against the sport. Nor was he trying to blame Roach for having or not having done anything. I think he had been warned not to be a total asshole like his nature dictates.

At least I went to the meeting with Alex, on a high from team picnic. I was still a bit wet from were the gang had nailed me. I figured they should sometime during the picnic. Had I not been pregnant, I would have joined in. It was a perfect day for a water gun fight. However, my mobility is limited. So, they lured me out of the no fly zone without my camara in tow and nailed me. I didn't run at first. I thought they would stop. Then I realized they were still going. So off I ran back to the no fly zone....

I ended up taking over 50 pics. And, considering, I'm not a camera person, I figure that not to shabby. I'll see about printing them out today at the club.

We have a good group of people affiliated w/ the club.

As for the division, we'll see what we see. I'm still waiting for the evil one to lose his temper once too many times. It will be glorius.

An explaination.... ???

2005-08-03T21:35:00.000-05:00

A response to my letter, a bit modified, asking for division equipment be brought to the site after the evil one gave us defective stuff.:

Regarding your letter concerning the NOD equipment picked up for your event:

1. You were supplied with 6 sets of equipment as you requested. If you wanted more, you should have requested it at the time.

2. Leaving a message on Wed. evening and requesting an equipment pickup on Thursday is very short notice, particularly when I am tied up with fencing camps and summer nationals. At least a weeks notice should be given by any normal person requesting equipment for a scheduled tournament. My accomodation within one hour on Thursday morning before camp to get the equipment left no time to check for non-working equipment.

3. you can trace the problem or non-working equipment back to your friend Jeff, who never in his time served as Bout Committee Chairman gave any broken equpment to me as Armorer to be repaired, nor would he return or make available for inventory the division equipment in a timely fashion. There was no notification to me that any equipment was not working. The untimelyness of your request allowed me only time to grab what you asked for and make it available to you. When the BCC spend his time negating the Armorer, you get what you get. If you get broken equipment in advance, you have a chance to fix it yourself, or replace it.

4. This is a good illustration of why the division should keep an Armorer on its executive board, to maintain regularly the equipment and to keep track of it. It seems that Jeff merely substituted new equipment for broken and never bothered to have it repaired or maintained.

5. I intend to have a updated equipment loan policy presented to the Board at the next meeting to hopefully resolve some of these issues. i.e. timely notification of use requests. closer control, and/or possible rental charge on use of new Favero scoring machines, and only to USFA Clubs, and/or to division co-sponsored events.

6. As you all will see in my Armorer's report on the inventory of the division equipment,We are missing one Allstar scoring machine, one Uhlmann reel, and about 19 floor cables. Not haveing someone responsible and incharge of the equipment can only lead to loss and deterioration of the division's resources.

My Response:

Since you have given your response point by point, I will reply to them point by point.

1. We were asked how many strips we would have. Yes, we asked for equipment for 6 strips. However, it has been my experience working with X, Y and even Z bout committee chairs before that, when asking for equipment for X # of strips, there is still spare equipment supplied since accidental damage to equipment during tournaments occur due to miss handling by athletes or wear and tear, not the organizers of a given tournament. It has been my experience that extra back up equipment was standard operating procedure for our division, other divisions, as well as national events. At National events, if they are setting up X # of strips, there are more then X machines and 2X reels. If USFA were to organize their events with only that amount of scoring equipment they would be doing a great disservice to their competing membership.

2. I agree that when you finally found out that we needed equipment you were accommodating. However, we had already contacted Jeff who had been in possession of the division's equipment prior to finding out that you were in control of the equipment. Then, we had to track down your phone numbers. On obtaining these numbers, the home number we had was incorrect. The club number rang and was answered by what sounded like internet service rather then an answering machine. After trying since Monday to get a message or communication to you, Alex decided to leave a message on what may not have been a viable answering machine. Since I too was in camps, and have been teaching camps all summer, I was a bit concern about getting division equipment with adequate time. I do thank you for your extra effort in getting us the equipment after unfortunate delays.

3. Wether your allegation against Jeff are or are not true, I will not debate at this time. However, you had control of the division equipment for many weeks prior to our event, to have been able to look over the equipment and do the inventory that you so demanded at the meeting hosted by Char's. You had been so vehement about doing an inventory, that I am surprised that you had not done so by the time of our event. And, had you done so, the one crate of 4 reels all marked as bad, would not have been the crate that you would have grabbed for us. I know there is plenty of equipment that should you have any sense of what exists in division inventory, a partial inventory, you would have known that that crate contain ALL broken reels. Luckily for us, we set up on Friday not Saturday like most events, and I was able to supplement the division equipment with our own club equipment. Most clubs in NOD with the exception of Alcazar and Cyrano's Place, would not have been so lucky. I do not believe the other clubs could have comfortably supplemented a tournament like ours without great angst. Plus, most local events are set up the morning of the event. Had we done this, your overlooking of equipment would have caused ourselves, as well as the fencers a great disservice due to delays.

4. There are many ways to have division scoring equipment fixed. You are not the only one in the area able to fix equipment. There have been times where national armorers such as X and Y from the neighboring division, have been armorer for one or another of my events. And, during their down time, for no extra cost have fixed division equipment. Other divisions such as Metropolitan and Colorado which I have fenced in, have send broken scoring equipment out of state to the like of Ted Li or Joe Byrnes to be fixed. According to Michael Massik, executive director of USFA, our division, is the only division in the country to have a division armorer.

5. As you know, there currently is a policy in our divisin for the use of equipment. To specify that the person controlling equipment be given a reasonable time to know that the equipment is needed is fair as long as their phone number and email address along with preferred method of communication be made known to the entire division. However, all division events are posted on the division website and thus that person will know the equipment is needed. Our event has been on the website for some time now. As for the new Favero machines, the point of having bought them is for use at local events. They have a clock built in making it easier for fencers to know how much time is left. At national events, such as JOs and Nationals, these scoring machines definitely came in handy for all athletes lucky enough to have them on their strips. There has never been a 'rental' policy for any division equipment for use at tournaments sponsor by the division or local club. The equipment was ultimately paid for by income earned off athletes entry fees as well as memberships. To ask for a rental on new machines is asking to be paid again for these machines. And, not to use the best scoring machines is a waste of having bought them. The equipment truly belongs to the athletes that will be using them. Therefore, the athletes should be the ones benefiting.

6. I agree that someone needs to be responsible for division equipment. I do not agree that the only persons 'qualified' are those that are capable of fixing equipment. Inventory is a business skill, not an engineering skill. In other divisions that I have dealt with, ie Metropolitan, when I was on the board at Metropolitan, the persons keeping track of equipment frequently didn't know how to rewire their own blades or fix their own body cords, a much simpler process then fixing a machine or reel. They were responsibly for contacting the clubs, not the other way around, for the movement of division equipment. And, if you have done an inventory of equipment, how come you didn't know about the broken equipment you sent me. I hope you didn't send me broken equipment on purpose. This would be most unseemly behavior for a division armorer let alone a division chair.

Postcard stamps

2005-07-27T21:09:00.000-05:00

Overheard at the club this evening from 3 youth fencers. The tallest of whom is maybe 4'4:

'Oh my gosh, you're really short. It's hard to hit you....'

I guess they've been fencing too many adults who are over 5'3. They are no longer hitting fencers with as little target as they themselves have. They are too small to have the target area of postage stamps. They are the size of postcard stamps.

Ode to a little one.

2005-07-25T08:36:00.000-05:00

My camp this week was canceled. This is a mixed blessing. I've been on a incredible treadmill of work, that this week respite from teaching 9 am to 9 pm is greatly needed. Besides, I can't seem to get myself motivated to do anything but curl up and possibly sleep.

I finally bumped into one of our neighbors that I know. (I've only met 6 neighbors in our area....That should say something right there.) Mary's husband Rich has been sick w/ cancer. She mentioned that the cancer seems to be behaving itself. However there are other undisclosed issues. I let her know I was pregnant which obviously hasn't made the block gossip. Wisteria lane this isn't. She told me I should keep a diary of my thoughts. So, today's posting will be all about the little one.

I've always known that I wanted a kid eventually. I didn't WANT a kid. I figured I would in due time. I then discovered through work, that I really was good with kids despite the fact that I hated babysiting in school. Part of the 'pre-nuptuals' verbal agreement w/ my husband and I was that he get's to cycle cross country and I get a kid.... I got the more expensive part of that agreement. So far it's only medical bils, mine.

He'll be riding from San Diego to Charleston in Sept. I have someone who is planning on moving in with me for some of the time he's gone. Just in case.

As for the little one, we currently have a first name chosen. This too could change. I'm not telling anyone the name so as not to 'jinx' it. I don't know anyone with the name. However, I saw a movie where one of the ladies had it and I liked it. It was suggested to me in earlier blogs that the name should end with a vowel so I could hold it out when yelling... It's got that too. ;-)

I've been pretty scared shitless over having the kid. However in the same breath, I'm also truly content and happy. I'm scared about taking care of the child. I'm delighted to have the child to take care of. I expect to bring her with me to work, to klezmer rehearsals and concerts, to where ever I may be going. She's my daughter. I also hope to be able to breast feed, for a couple reasons. It will be easier to bring a food supply. It's healthier for her. It's alot cheaper in the long run.

She seems to be content in my belly. She starts moving and kicking when I start to over do things. But I get the impression she likes my being active. Then again, she also doesn't mind my chillin either. She's been into gymnastics and is starting to play a bit of soccer.

When I mentally feel into my belly I find her just doing her thing, independant, yet holding my hand. She feels confident and strong. I can't wait to meet her in 8 years. I find that is when I start really enjoying my students.

At the club, she'll have many big brothers and sisters as well as Aunts and Uncles. Then again, in general she'll have enough Aunts and Uncles she won't be able to keep them apart.

It looks like I won't be able to avoid having 2 showers. However instead of just being a party to give gifts, I hope to have people create a 'Life book'. This is a scrap book which people will create for the little one welcoming her to us. It should be something she'll enjoy for the rest of her life. She might even grow up to know these people.

I know in the end I'll fall on my feet. I'm usually good at that. I'm not worried if you will. I am nervous. I'm just treating this like everything else that scares me shitless. Put on the blinders and keep moving forward one step at a time. I can always see a bit of distance ahead. What scares me is farther away. However each step forward I take helps clarify a bit more as I go. So, here's to one step at a time.....

The nearly tournament from Hell....

2005-07-24T11:49:00.000-05:00

Two weeks ago, I had a nightmare about our summer tournament. I dreamt that I got to the gym, and there was NO ELECTRICAL SCORING EQUIPMENT!!!!!! Go figure, I woke up in a panick. As I lay there in the middle of the night, I tried to figure out what an immediate solution would be without frustrating competitors with the poor organization. There really was none.

The following day, I started to make arrangements to get the equipment. Roach had been storing the division equipment as the division bout commitee. He had already passed the equipment on to the Evil Emperor. (See prior posts about this jerk.) Considering my current state of roundness, I asked Alex, a student, if he would be so kind as to pick up the equipment. Also, considering my schedule, I would have a difficult time coordinating things with the evil one.

It took Alex 3 days of calling to find the evil one at home. At 8:30 am on the Thursday, before the event, I call over to the evil one's place. The line is busy. Great! Sure enough, calling back a few minutes later, the call goes through. The evil one answers and is polite and professional with me, surprisingly. He had just talked to Alex. My cell phone rings. It's Alex. The evil one's cell phone is ringing. It's the student who's home the equipment is being stored at. So, both the evil one and myself with a land line and cell phone to each ear coordinate the pick up and delivery of equipment for the event.....

Thursday evening, I'm at the club, when I get a call from the principal of the school which we are hosting at. "We are hosting a funeral in the gym on Friday and have no one to clean up afterwards since our janitor is on crutches."

Great! I now need to find whoever I can to come put away tables and chair so the gym will be ready on Sat. I figure, we might as well set up the gym too while we are at it. Good thing too.

When I get to the gym, the place, to my surprise, is empty of stuff. So, I start marking where lines for strips should go. We bring down the equipment to set things up. We will be setting up 6 strips. We have been given a total of 6 machines, and 12 reels. Which is to say, bare minimum to run the tournament. No extra for damage.

While setting up, one of my students tells me that a crate of reels, 4 in total, are all marked as broken/bad. When I go to check to make sure the machines are working, there is one machine that is not. This drops me from 12 to 8 reels, and from 6 to 5 machines. I have to tell you that I counted my blessings. Had we set up the gym on Sat. morning as I had initially planned, my nightmare would have come true.

Overall, things went ok. We had 2 refs drop out because the tournament date had not been put on their social calander. And, Steph had to leave early. This meant that I needed to ref.

In epee, none of the competitors objected to 'us' sitting down to direct. Jane finished 2nd missing her D by not too much. Bill a first time competitor had a 4-1 record. Finishing 9th overall Being beaten by a more 'weather worn' competitor. Matt also a first time competitor had a victory in his pool before dropping in his DE. Jane had been beautiful to watch in DEs other then her very last one. She was doing a great job w/ tempo and second intentions. Jane had lost one bout 4-5 in her pools to Heather who would finish 3rd due to the loss to Jane in DEs.

Steph directed the saber before she left. Joe would finish 2nd.

In the Women's foil, Lauren and Kaylee would fence well. Lauren would take Kaylee out in the round of 8. Lauren would then lose in a well fought bout to the eventual winner. Kaylee had an all time best for herself finishing her pool with a 4-1 record! I think she got over the concept of 'winning' and simply worked on fencing.

I needed to direct the mixed foil. It wasn't easy. I took off my sandels for a time being. After putting them back on, Ginger came up to me and said, " At least you are no longer barefoot and pregnant."

My two y10 fencers came in DFL and punultimate. Lauren fenced well but only made top 8. Jacob had a decent pool beating Lauren, however he hit his 'nemisis' and lost in the round of 16. Grrrrr!

Another funny that came out of the day was directing for Heather and Matt. I was giving Matt grief for losing to a girl. Or and poking a married women. Heather's husband was directing behind me so was listening in to the conversation. Matt, who I accused of as being a dog, came back with one or another incredibly witty comments. I fell off my chair laughing at one point. Heather was blushing. Her husband, Derek would point at her scalp and tell me this was the Heather blush meter. All I could think of was empathy to Sabermasochist for the DE between myself and the late great Ray Bautista. I threatened Matt with a card for disorderly conduct or maybe mine. Ironically Matt is a former teammate of Sabermasochist so I was amused at the what goes around comes around factor of things. I had a good time laughing with all parties involved later in the day.

In the end, people were happy with what was going on. We got out of the gym about a hour later then I had wanted. No biggy. 8 of us, not including my husband, bummer, went to dinner at our usual Italian restaurant across from the club. Alex, Steph, Char, Z, Roach, Ginger, & Holly. The last three belonging to local clubs other then our own. Z, well, Z and I go back over 25 years. The silly bastard fed me when I was 14, and hasn't been able to get rid of me since. Z happens to be one of my best friends.

We had a delightful time making puns and inuendos over dinner. Life was good. I gave poor Ginger grief which had us both laughing in tears. She's going thru a nasty, ugly divorce.

I had a chance to visit w/ Z before he drove the 3.5 hours home.

I got home, saw my husband for the first time in what felt like a week and all is fine.

I guess if I hadn't had the dream, or maybe this is why I had the dream, the tournament could have been a real disaster. I like to think there is someone/thing lookin after me.

Thanks You Great Gods of Fencing!!!

Heat is not my friend!!!!

2005-07-19T20:01:00.000-05:00

It's been terrible. People have been comparing this summer to the summer of '88 where there were watering bans all across the country. The summer of '88 was the year the entire country had drought situation. The Great Lakes region with the largest fresh water supply was starting to horde their assets and not ship them else where such as down the Ohio River to the Mississippi. We've been having rain. But the heat is unbearable to me.

Today had been a crazy day. I started teaching at one of my camps starting 10 am. 3.5 hrs of teaching and lunch later, I was off to my folks to change my clothes to do a fencing demo at the local library. Mom said she had my nephew so she would bring him. In the end, my mom, sister as well as nephew would sit through my 'dog and pony' show. Guess who was the worse behaved....Yup, my nephew. Then again, he's only 4 and a half yrs old and the program was for going into grades 1-6.

On the elevator to the room I would do my demo, a women I knew was there... Sure enough, it was a friend from Jr and Sn high. She had seen the announcement for the demo, hoped/figured it to be me and brought some kids. It was kinda nice to know someone had gone out of their way to stop by and see me like that.

I did my preformance with a few extra pieces of silliness. My nephew was reprimanded for his poor behavior at the beginning by my mom. It was soo cute, he was flirting with this adorable black girl with her hair up in curly ponytails....at least the kid has good taste. ;-)

After I was done, I made mention to the kids that learning a second language which, being an alumni of the school system, was very accessible to them, they should do. One child came up to me and said she spoke Farsi. Kinda floored me, probably because when I was there, the place was 1/3 black, 1/3 Jewish, and 1/3 who knew and who cared. The only Arabic family was my buddy Rick who's family was Lebanese Christian.... go figure, I was quite intimidated by dad until college. But, I told mom to make sure she is fluent in Farsi.

By evening, I was kinda dying from the heat. Luckily for me, Alex taught my classes. However, I was definately wilting. We are hosting a tourney this weekend. We already have people representing 6 divisions if not more by the time we're finished. I got a call from a relatively new club who's coach really knows nothing about fencing. The constantly want to 'rent' equipment to fence. I rented equipment to them for their first tournament. It was too much of a hassle. I told them I could bring some spare saber lames and masks, but no weapons. I didn't have them. I had too much to do just to get my own people ready without concern about someone elses. Come on gang, if you're gonna compete, you need to grow up and take responsibility for your own actions!!!! Did I know anyone who could rent them equipment? Clubs don't generally 'rent' all the electric a group of fencer need. Now they are looking for charity..... I say no, now.

In the evening with 2 of the kids, one 14 and 6'4, admitted to me in private (in referance to other comments) that no, he was not a virgin and wasn't proud of that fact.... he 'wishes he could turn back time'.... That just sounded like a conversation just asking to be had. This guy is someone who has slowly been losing his incredible dorky kid skin for a real person. I like the kid. However, his insecurity can really get on my nerves at times. One he explained why he constantly, and with good reason, felt caught between a rock and a hard place, he calmed down and started to be himself. I guess I'll have to corner him for a private child to alternative adult conversation that he is so hungry to have. Yes, he did say that in not so many words when he mom came to pick him up.

Ahhh, the work of a coach is never finished....

Blah, blah, blah....

2005-07-13T20:13:00.000-05:00

Everyday I feel I get more and more pregnant..... go figure.

I'm 'half' cooked. I keep seeing other women who are pregnant. I guess I shouldn't complain. They all seem to look like serious butterballs. In my case, some aren't quite sure wether I'm pregnant or just really over weight.... I'm a bit self concious on that.

I've never been really over weight. I've been on the heavy side, esp when I was first diagnosed with hypothyroidism. But I was able to loose that weight to make it look resonable. As a kid, I would eat like an absolute horse, run around like a crazy animal, and look annorexic. I wouldn't wear a bikini because I had 'mosquito bites' for a chest, and every muscle and rib showed. I looked like a guy in drag with long hair.... 2X4 is a shape....

Teaching is being an adventure. I'm at one of the local area summer rec programs. The families, kids, and program love me.... Yes, I've fooled them too. ;-) I did tell the kids that I was pregnant. Some of the girls smiled at each other and made an 'I told you so' comment to the other. I am definately fatiguing fast.

To add to the insult, the flight home, the red-eye from CA that I so innocently believed I could still curl up in a ball and sleep on, left my upper back and neck a mess. I've woken up the past 3 mornings (and evening for that matter) with my shoulder frozen in muscle spasm. I went to the chiropractor on Tues. It has helped but my shoulder still isn't happy. Even as I type, the shoulder is starting to spasm on me.... the heat doesn't help.

All in all, things are ok. I generally have too much on my platter. I'm over tired, under paid, blah, blah, blah....

However, I have reason to believe the economy may be picking up. Last year at this same program, my registration was poor. In one week, I've almost had enough sign-ups to earn me the same as I made last year in 3 weeks. I'm guessing, that things have finacially picked up for the residence where I'm teaching camp. It's a fairly affluent area. They are the first to show signs of things to come. Maybe the rec is just running things better so they have more support? Who knows. I can but hope it's a sign the economy is getting better. Things have been REALLY tight for us.

Day 3 of Nat'l and Home again

2005-07-07T10:10:00.000-05:00

The boys did ok. Most importantly it was a healthy learning experience for them all.

I was able to finally gag Ben's dad. During warm-up fencing of Ben and Al, dad comes over and tells Ben to be more aggressive. I turned to dad and said, he just attacked. When the boys were done, I told Ben's mom that I couldn't do my job if dad insisted on telling Ben what to do. It worked. When the boys went to their strips, Ben sat on the opposite side from his family. Dad was heard saying, "What is he doing?" My reply, " Focusing." However, Dad stayed away from Ben and let him do his thing.

Ben had a 2-3 record while Al had a 3-2. I figure knowing their luck, they would hit each other in the DEs. Nope. However, Ben's DE was with a fellow Al had lost 4-5. Al's was someone he had beaten 5-1. Ben did a good job of being in the mark. Lost 5-2, and 5-4. He fenced well but no cigar.

Al, lost his first 2-5. Won the second, 5-4. He was up 4-3 only to make the same distance mistake twice to lose 4-5 and not move up. Had Al won it he would have made national points... grrrrrrr.

Meanwhile, Jacob was fencing in the Div IIIMF. He was without question both the youngest and smallest in his pool. He lost 4-5, then 3-5, then 2-5, etc. He did not win a bout in his pool. His DE had he hit on target with half his shots would have won. Had he added a disengage to his ripostes half the time, he would have won. Instead, he lost his drive and died. Got to love it...

I called my brother who lives in SF. San Francisco is about 1.5 hrs from Sacramento. We had plans to do dinner or something. It was maybe 11am-ish when I called my brother to be told he couldn't leave until about 3-4pm (which in his book means more like 4:30. In the end it was only 4:10.) I was a bit miffed. But reminded myself that he was generally unreliable in this regard. I would be doing well if we hooked up at all.

We did have dinner. We had a real conversation for the first time in about a decade. We discussed what really happened when our parents almost got divorced and I was the one in the middle. Both my siblings were off in college and had never thought to ask me. He finally found out what really happened on Aug. 13, 1981, when I was attacked. He had been told the general story from mom, but he nor my sister ever asked me.

The conversation started with the fact that he had dumped his latest lady friend. She had everything going for her except that since she was unemployed, she was overstressing about finding/getting the perfect job. She was a bit wacked. I mentioned that he seemed to have a crazy magnet, like one of his skating partners, Sandy. Sandy was a riot in her wackiness at times. She had said, joking, that she was 'this' full. She then started to drink a glass of water that didn't go down her throat, but down her shirt. We were laughing. Sandy had a great sense of humor, but had some nasty skeltons in her closet. She had been raped at the age of 13 by her skating partner. Her parents brushed in under the rug and insisted she keep skating with him..... yeah, talk about mental damage.

I told my brother there is no way he can really understand the damage violence against a person can do. What happened to me was nothing compared to what happened to Sandy. I have real empathy for her. She desparately needs professional help, and some.

This took us into family history. I told him how hurt I was when my father said, within 6 months after the attack that there comes a point in a man's arousal that he can't stop. My brother was floored. I was fighting tears as I told him this.

I also told him how dad had balled me out for calling home while in NYC for college, lonely, looking for something familiar, and said to me, "Why are you calling and wasting our money!" Go figure, I stopped calling home when except there was something I needed to talk specifically about.

I also let him know that because of the way he nor my sister ever listened to me there were things they didn't know. I explained that I had tried many times to tell my sister that I had had an abortion in college, but every time I moved the conversation to that point, she would change it to where she wanted it to go. To this day, she still doesn't know.

My brother was floored. He said that when he had come home from college, he saw that everyone was quite disfunctional. He figured someone needed to be the adult. My response was that he wasn't very empathetic to our pain in the process. He and my sister had cornered me at one point and ordered me to tell them what was happening. My response had been, "FUCK YOU!" I had also been told by them that I would have to follow their orders if I went to Europe with them. That wouldn't have been a vacation for me. I wasn't going!

They hadn't been nice. But then again, they also hadn't realized to the extend I too was hurting. This, however, has caused a great gap in communications for over 2 decades.

I was on the phone with my sister about stuff. She never returned my phone call to tell her it was a Spawnette. She claims she never got the message. She told me her neighbors would be having a large garage/block sale would I be interested in certain baby products. No matter what I told her, she interupted my thought, to put her own words in my mouth. I was tired, and not too happy. I was at least able to be polite to her in the process of pointing this out. She apologized with the fact that she had 2 interviews coming up which she was obsessing over. She would give me a buzz at a later time to catch up on news....

And all the old family pains come back. There were times my fight was to say if you insist on interupting me and not listening, I would point it out and refuse to continue after 3 tries. Why? If you insisted on interupting, you didn't value what I was telling you. This happened frequently. And, then I was balled out for being a spoiled sport. It was all about them. Trying to have my own chunk of family territory was considered inconsiderate.

Telling, finally telling my brother what happened nearly 25 years ago for the first time only proves there value at the time of my words. It shouldn't take that long for a family to communicate. However it has. And, I was the one accused of not being a team player. I am also the youngest. I was expected to have been 5 years older from the start. Without question, some of the issues stem from my out youthfulness. However, I will not tolerate being treated as the baby. I will walk away instead. It's not worth the price that winning the fight might bring. But they frequently don't see it. They have no reason. They still don't realize what happened 25 years ago. They don't want to know anymore.

Day 2 of Nat'ls

2005-07-04T23:48:00.000-05:00

Jacob fenced on Sunday. He looked good in warm-up. He got into his pool with a great attitude. He moved, faked, didn't give up too much ground and won 2 bouts out of 6. He beat a 'C' ranked fencer. There were 2 bouts that he might have been able to get, but was a bit off. However, He had a great epiphany. He started to understand how to create the tempos that he is so good at scoring.

He was seeded 113T out of 178ish. Won his first DE, before losing to the number 15 seed. He still fenced well despite the loss.

Overall, I would say that it was the best fencing I have ever seen out of him. I'm hoping that on Tues when he fences the Div III MF, he can use his new found understanding.

Meanwhile, a former teammate of mine from NYC was here with his daughter. Dave is moving like he's 20 years older then he is. His legs were very swollen when I worked on them. I was very scary for me watching him. I told him to get things checked out. The swelling in his legs can be a sign of other issues such as a heart/circulation problem.... I hope he's ok.

Today, 4 of July I've done little. I've hobnobed at the site. Enjoyed friends company. Spend money on equipment. Otherwise, nothing much. It is late. I'm tired. I move out of my room at 6:30 am, before I got to the site w/ the kids....

Tomorrow, everyone fences with a 8am close of registration...... fun.

Ok, time for bed. Please make your prayers to the great Gods of Fencing for good results.

Day 1 of Nat'ls for us

2005-07-03T09:07:00.000-05:00

It's 7am local time. That is Sacramento time. I had a very restless night but I'm not able to rollover and sleep anymore. I plan to get breakfast then try and sleep. I'm on a hotel 'puter.

Yesterday, the boys did ok. Ben's dad kept putting more and more pressure on him to do well, so Ben's brain froze. I was able to pull him out of the funk when Ben explained that he was supposed to be such a good fencer but he's horrible. Everyone is giving him advise so he doesn't know what to do. I told him the only real voice to listen to was his own. However, he couldn't hear his own voice therefore wasn't a good fencers. He managed to win his final bout 5-4 with his opponent red carding for the final touch.... ok, we'll take it.

Meanwhile, Al started well, then let go. In the final pool bout, he started to be more aggressive, however, his opponent had a Russian coach. So, what you might ask. The referee would give actions that should have scored for Al to his opponent. There was nothing we could do.

Into the DEs. Ben fenced someone slightly higher seed as Al fenced someone slightly lower. Ben won his first 5 touch, 5-4, second 4-5, third 5-1 to move on. Al fell asleep and lost focus. Al lost 5-1, 5-0 and was out not making the round of 64.

Ben's next encounter was against a fencer who is one of the top Y10MF fencers, nicknamed 'Muddywaters'. At the Atlanta NAC, Al had Muddywaters in his pool. Or, should I say, heard what sounded like Muddywaters when this fencer was called. Muddywater's father was former Olympic team. Ben would lose 5-0,5-0, finishing him low in the round of 64.

I would talk to a mom from one of my former clubs. She was wearing a t-shirt identifying herself as a member of yet another club. She had started her own. Why? Because the commute was 45min to former club. She also explained that the son of the owner, had shown her young boys, (One a Y10 fencer, the other a Y14 fencer) porn. But not just porn, ugly, rude porn. She said it was a very uncomfortable sitation.

I bumped into many friends. Had my fat tummy rubbed by one of the Armorers who explained that he rubbing the belly of pregnant women was his fetish. Considering I've always rubbed his belly for 'good luck', turn about was fair play.

I went to dinner with Steph. She is refereeing. She's having fun.

Today, Jacob will fence Y14MF. I really don't expect him to do well, but I can hope. Tomorrow is my day off. My brother is supposed to give me a call and find out if he's hooking up with me or what.... I'll probably see him on Tuesday and he'll give me a ride to the airport.

As far as Spawnette is concerned, She was quiet until the DEs. Then she decided to go into to baby gymnastics for the evening until I sat down for dinner.... There is another coach who looks much more pregnant then I. She's a month farther along. Also, she's having a boy. We joked. It was nice to know I wasn't the only pregnant coach out there....

Stay tuned.

Coach